Different treatment of step siblings

[Anonymous]

Op, what can you do? Your parents screwed you when they divorced.

You should assume that they will continue to screw you and nor put you first. Make peace with your sucky life and become hugely successful through getting the best education that you can.

In the end, you will be rich and successful. And nothing succeeds like success.
Then you can discard these deadbeats from your life.

[Anonymous]

Not step but half. Yes. It angered me and I have every right to be upset about it, especially since the different treatment continues.

As for people saying “you have to let it go,” no, you don’t. You have to accept that life is unfair and not let bitterness infect your existence, and choose happiness and understand that everybody is doing their best, but that doesn’t mean you just pretend you can’t see unfairness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is choosing a peaceful household over what's fair to his child. There's nothing that you can do about this except focus on your own happiness and peace.
People can be disappointing, and you just have to move on from that. The more you dwell on unfairness or unmet expectations, the worse you will feel.
Have a civll relationship with your father and stepmother and keep them at arm's length so that it's not so hurtful. Focus on yourself.

+1

Best advice on here OP.

A man who has already had at least one failed marriage may place a higher value on having a peaceful household. His child is an adult now so why should that not be a priority for him. Would OP feel better if he went through another divorce and possibly remarried again? It is good advice for OP to focus on her own life while still being civil to them. Her dad might be caught up in an enmeshed stepfamily. If that is the case then she should be grateful to be independent from them.

Totally agree. Also, OP, you should fully expect your step siblings will step up and handle majority of the elder care. And let them.

Why is OP so resentful when it’s clear that her dad sees her steps as his own? Isn’t that the tune DCUM sings? That bio and steps should not be differentiated

OP’s father did differentiate. He’s treated his step kids as greater than.

No, all three get one third of the estate. Also, I’m sure OP isn’t 100% truthful about her dad’s contribution to her in her teens and college years. Her stepmom stayed home and contributed to the upkeep of the house and I’m sure cleaned the house and cooked meals and took care of OP when she was sick, and all the thanks she gets is to be called ‘evil’ by the OP.

How are you sure? Odd statements to make based on zero info to support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is choosing a peaceful household over what's fair to his child. There's nothing that you can do about this except focus on your own happiness and peace.
People can be disappointing, and you just have to move on from that. The more you dwell on unfairness or unmet expectations, the worse you will feel.
Have a civll relationship with your father and stepmother and keep them at arm's length so that it's not so hurtful. Focus on yourself.

+1

Best advice on here OP.

A man who has already had at least one failed marriage may place a higher value on having a peaceful household. His child is an adult now so why should that not be a priority for him. Would OP feel better if he went through another divorce and possibly remarried again? It is good advice for OP to focus on her own life while still being civil to them. Her dad might be caught up in an enmeshed stepfamily. If that is the case then she should be grateful to be independent from them.

Totally agree. Also, OP, you should fully expect your step siblings will step up and handle majority of the elder care. And let them.

Why is OP so resentful when it’s clear that her dad sees her steps as his own? Isn’t that the tune DCUM sings? That bio and steps should not be differentiated

OP’s father did differentiate. He’s treated his step kids as greater than.

No, all three get one third of the estate. Also, I’m sure OP isn’t 100% truthful about her dad’s contribution to her in her teens and college years. Her stepmom stayed home and contributed to the upkeep of the house and I’m sure cleaned the house and cooked meals and took care of OP when she was sick, and all the thanks she gets is to be called ‘evil’ by the OP.

How are you sure? Odd statements to make based on zero info to support.

The story by OP doesn’t compute. I suspect that her wedding may have been more costly than the stepsister and that is why the dad only wanted to pay half. I think the steps probably treat her dad better than she does, which accounts for the so-called difference in treatment.

[Anonymous]

Years later- I can empathize OP. Don’t listen to people who say you’re entitled or spoiled or that you should just get on with it.

Your dad started a new family and abandoned you in emotional ways that are easy to compare with your step siblings. They got more, which would not have happened if it was 3 bio siblings.

College, inheritance, first cars- these are luxuries and of course you’re lucky to have received them in some form. The point is that your dad and stepmother made careful decisions about gifts for their children, and for some reason you only got the discount version of what your step sibs received.

That’s the hurtful part- that he chose to give them more.

Divorced parents can be very selfish and step parents can be very competitive, jealous of the bio children, embarrassed about the way they came together as a couple, anything is possible.

Your stepmother may see her husband’s ex every time she looks at you, and she’s taking it out on you in weird ways.

It won’t really get better, speaking from experience. But you can go to therapy and learn that parents aren’t always reliable or rational, and this will make you a better human and parent in the future someday.

Don’t for a second feel spoiled or whiny. In some families these gifts are a given, and usually if a family can afford to give those gifts, they are given equally.

I hope your dad regrets it and realizes how lame that was.

My stepfather tried apologizing to me twenty five years after the fact for his bullying, teasing, intimidating treatment of me as a little kid. He was very embarrassed his behavior years later, and had to live with it.

My kids remember him as “menacing” and all these selfish divorced parents in my world ended up missing out because of their own dramas.

I hope you’re doing well! It’s hard to get over the emotional and/or financial abandonment once you’re an adult and wonder “how could they do this to their own kids?”

[Anonymous]

hi i am just someone random but I came across this post looking for validation in my own feelings. these people don’t understand. you are valid to be upset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have a situation where their step siblings are treated differently by your parent and step parent vs how you are treated?

My parents divorced when I was 5 and my dad remarried when I was 10. My step mom has two kids who are 3 and 5 years younger than me. I never really got along with my step mother, but have a good relationship with my step siblings. They lived with my dad and step mom full time and but still saw their bio dad once a week (although he was a total deadbeat). I saw my mom on weekends because she moved to another town and it was too inconvenient with school.

Anyway, my issue is that my step siblings are treated very differently from me in terms of money, which is extremely frustrating since my dad is the one who works hard and makes money, and their mom has never worked. It has been this way since we were kids and only the inequality seems to be getting worse as we have gotten older. Some examples - when I turned 16 my parents made me buy a used car and get a job to pay them back for half of it, while both step siblings received brand new cars and didn't have to pay for any of it. I was fortunate that my father paid for my college, but again I had a part time job to pay for all living expenses/spending money, while both step siblings received full tuition and housing/spending money (they never had any jobs before the end of college). My dad paid for half of my wedding and made me and DH pay the other half, but paid for step sister's full wedding. And he has been footing the bill for my youngest step brother who has never had a real job (which includes buying him a house yet he wouldn't help me out with a down payment for my house when DH and I really could have used some help).

The last straw is that my dad recently re-did his will and is leaving 1/3 of his estate to each of us. This seems absurd to me since I am his biological child and the other two are not. I know all of them stems from my evil step mother, whom I have never gotten along with.

I have tried talking to my father about this but he doesn't want to hear it. Does anyone else think this is extremely unfair? Do you have a similar situation and how do you cope?

Half of everything belongs to your step mom. If your dad were to leave you 1/2 of his share and 1/2 to your step mom, you’d get 1/4 of the total. Now you’re getting 1/3 of the total.

Like many pps said, your step mom contributed/s to the household in many ways, so she’s not working outside of the home, but she’s still working.

[Anonymous]

I assumed this was the norm. Parents with steps treat them differently than their own kids. Usually, birth kids get the short end of the stick if it’s a dad, and pref treatment if it’s the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have a situation where their step siblings are treated differently by your parent and step parent vs how you are treated?

My parents divorced when I was 5 and my dad remarried when I was 10. My step mom has two kids who are 3 and 5 years younger than me. I never really got along with my step mother, but have a good relationship with my step siblings. They lived with my dad and step mom full time and but still saw their bio dad once a week (although he was a total deadbeat). I saw my mom on weekends because she moved to another town and it was too inconvenient with school.

Anyway, my issue is that my step siblings are treated very differently from me in terms of money, which is extremely frustrating since my dad is the one who works hard and makes money, and their mom has never worked. It has been this way since we were kids and only the inequality seems to be getting worse as we have gotten older. Some examples - when I turned 16 my parents made me buy a used car and get a job to pay them back for half of it, while both step siblings received brand new cars and didn't have to pay for any of it. I was fortunate that my father paid for my college, but again I had a part time job to pay for all living expenses/spending money, while both step siblings received full tuition and housing/spending money (they never had any jobs before the end of college). My dad paid for half of my wedding and made me and DH pay the other half, but paid for step sister's full wedding. And he has been footing the bill for my youngest step brother who has never had a real job (which includes buying him a house yet he wouldn't help me out with a down payment for my house when DH and I really could have used some help).

The last straw is that my dad recently re-did his will and is leaving 1/3 of his estate to each of us. This seems absurd to me since I am his biological child and the other two are not. I know all of them stems from my evil step mother, whom I have never gotten along with.

I have tried talking to my father about this but he doesn't want to hear it. Does anyone else think this is extremely unfair? Do you have a similar situation and how do you cope?

why isn’t he leaving anything to your step mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Their dad is a deadbeat--your dad is their dad for all intents and purposes. Stop it with the estate issue.

Did they have more money when your younger siblings were in high school?

Some of that does sound unfair, but you might need to let it go.

I mostly agree with this. I am trying to get out of the hassle of being an executor of my parents estate. They had too many kids and I don’t want the headache. I would happily take a pass on the assets to know I have peace in my future !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:count yourself lucky that you are slated to get 1/3 of his estate. 100% of it could be going to your stepmother who could conveniently cut you completely out of her will, leaving you with a big fat zero. You should be thanking your father for planning to make sure you are considered and taken care of in case he passes away before your step-mother.

+100

Happens all the time!

Not so fast. Unless the money is in a trust for OP, it will be left to the stepmother as op‘s father will statistically pass away first. If stepmom is the executor, she can simply rewrite the will, or easier, move assets. When it’s time to divide by 3, the assets have magically been “spent down”.