Different treatment of step siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is simply prioritizing the wishes of the woman he is currently married to over your feelings. It doesn't matter whether he sees it as fair or unfair, it is what it is and as long as your stepmom is in the picture nothing will change. Focus on your own family and try to let this go, with therapy if necessary.

+1

You should drop the estate talk before he ends up leaving everything to your stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Your parents raised you, that is all they owe you. They don't owe you anything when they die. He could give all his assets to charity.

I would not say a word about his choice. Doing so it wrong. He does what feels right to him.

[Anonymous]

Because of your sense of entitlement I would not leave you a penny. Spoiled brat!!

[Anonymous]

Because of your sense of entitlement I would not leave you a penny. Spoiled brat!!

[Anonymous]

I know someone who had a girlfriend whose child by a different father called him 'Dad' and the child claimed his estate. He never lived with the child, but he was a second father figure so the adult child inherited everything. So a court would likely say the step kids are entitled to his edtate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've got to let this go. My DH had two, I had two, we had one together. WE have five kids. I was a SAHM. The kids are adults. OUR money is evenly split between OUR five kids in our wills. There is no step vs bio. We have been married over 20 years.

It makes my DH's ex crazy. And the bitterness has kept her from moving on with her life. My DH is a high earner. She thinks the money should go mostly to her kids. But it doesn't work like that. We are a family. OUR kids will equally share what we leave.

I guess you did not read that what dad is doing is not even. It is not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who had a girlfriend whose child by a different father called him 'Dad' and the child claimed his estate. He never lived with the child, but he was a second father figure so the adult child inherited everything. So a court would likely say the step kids are entitled to his edtate.

that not how it works

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a first born issue.

I have no solution, just empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is simply prioritizing the wishes of the woman he is currently married to over your feelings. It doesn't matter whether he sees it as fair or unfair, it is what it is and as long as your stepmom is in the picture nothing will change. Focus on your own family and try to let this go, with therapy if necessary.

Second this, this is my FIL and his wife situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because of your sense of entitlement I would not leave you a penny. Spoiled brat!!

Lady Tremaine found us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is simply prioritizing the wishes of the woman he is currently married to over your feelings. It doesn't matter whether he sees it as fair or unfair, it is what it is and as long as your stepmom is in the picture nothing will change. Focus on your own family and try to let this go, with therapy if necessary.

Second this, this is my FIL and his wife situation.

Yeah I think this is one of those you can be right or you can be happy situations. I totally get wanting to vent on DCUM. But I would try to work with a therapist to move on from this. Talking to your dad won't help and could make it worse. Divorce is tough on kids even when they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Your dad is choosing a peaceful household over what's fair to his child. There's nothing that you can do about this except focus on your own happiness and peace.
People can be disappointing, and you just have to move on from that. The more you dwell on unfairness or unmet expectations, the worse you will feel.
Have a civll relationship with your father and stepmother and keep them at arm's length so that it's not so hurtful. Focus on yourself.

[Anonymous]

count yourself lucky that you are slated to get 1/3 of his estate. 100% of it could be going to your stepmother who could conveniently cut you completely out of her will, leaving you with a big fat zero. You should be thanking your father for planning to make sure you are considered and taken care of in case he passes away before your step-mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have a situation where their step siblings are treated differently by your parent and step parent vs how you are treated?

My parents divorced when I was 5 and my dad remarried when I was 10. My step mom has two kids who are 3 and 5 years younger than me. I never really got along with my step mother, but have a good relationship with my step siblings. They lived with my dad and step mom full time and but still saw their bio dad once a week (although he was a total deadbeat). I saw my mom on weekends because she moved to another town and it was too inconvenient with school.

Anyway, my issue is that my step siblings are treated very differently from me in terms of money, which is extremely frustrating since my dad is the one who works hard and makes money, and their mom has never worked. It has been this way since we were kids and only the inequality seems to be getting worse as we have gotten older. Some examples - when I turned 16 my parents made me buy a used car and get a job to pay them back for half of it, while both step siblings received brand new cars and didn't have to pay for any of it. I was fortunate that my father paid for my college, but again I had a part time job to pay for all living expenses/spending money, while both step siblings received full tuition and housing/spending money (they never had any jobs before the end of college). My dad paid for half of my wedding and made me and DH pay the other half, but paid for step sister's full wedding. And he has been footing the bill for my youngest step brother who has never had a real job (which includes buying him a house yet he wouldn't help me out with a down payment for my house when DH and I really could have used some help).

The last straw is that my dad recently re-did his will and is leaving 1/3 of his estate to each of us. This seems absurd to me since I am his biological child and the other two are not. I know all of them stems from my evil step mother, whom I have never gotten along with.

I have tried talking to my father about this but he doesn't want to hear it. Does anyone else think this is extremely unfair? Do you have a similar situation and how do you cope?

This comes up every now and again. I always give the same answer, and that answer is to remind adult children of the power they have over their parents.

OP, from what you write, you are now an adult who is 25+. Know that as time goes on and your father gets older, the time will come when he will need you more than you need him. Aging parents very much want to be around their children, and especially grandchildren. As they face the inevitable physical decline and death, they want more than anything to be surrounded by and share in the energy of young people. This takes their mind off death and old age.

When that time comes for your dad, feel free to reward him with your coldness and your distance. Actually, feel free to tell him that because of what he did throughout your lifetime, you love him less, and he will see less of you, and definitely less of your future children. You are his only chance for biological grandchildren. Do feel free to remind him of that. It sounds like stepchildren don't really see your father as their biodad, and my guess is that when they marry and procreate, the grandchild/grandparent relationship will be mostly between your stepmother and their children. Your dad will be an old man without grandchildren and without anyone young who cares about his existence. Tell him. But don't tell him in anger, tell him coldly. And then live it. You cannot undo what has been done to you, but your dad's punishment will be to watch his only biological child put more and more distance between them, and to stumble toward death without the comfort of his child and grandchildren. You have the power, you just don't know it yet.

This is an old thread but this post is with commenting on. It might seem like this is an obvious choice but it would be better to be gracious when he is older. In a somewhat similar situation, my dad ended up with nothing, but social security, as helping his wife’s family drained their retirement. We helped him as much as we could without taking too much away from our own family.

It is interesting that, in a thread, about him, there were trolls who said this was not enough, and that we should have helped more for no reason other than because one should be a dutiful daughter no matter what. There has to be a balance. This father did help OP, but less then he helped the steps, so he should receive some help, in his old age, just not to the extant of taking too much away from OPs own family and retirement. If OP does not set a good example by providing some help to her father, then, someday, her own children may follow her example and not be there for her in her old age.

[Anonymous]

Even though the treatment was unequal, you got the better deal OP. You were the one who was taught to work hard to get what you want. Would you rather be where you are in life or where your step brother is?