Can married men have single female friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its like a second marriage, or emotional affair.

Your DH has the best of both worlds he has 1.25 wives.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want my husband charting with another woman all the time. It's only a matter of time before they slip up and sleep together. The attraction has been building for years, so it's bound to happen, if it hasn't already. If you think otherwise, you are stupid and very naive.

OP, you need to nip this in the bud. Tell your husband you're uncomfortable with this friendship and that there needs to be boundaries put in place. Ask him to limit the time he speaks to her, and the topics he discusses with her. He should do this out of respect to you and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

*chatting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a single female.

I have a male friend that was single when we met, and tried to date me. I said no, and good thing I did because it turns out he had a girlfriend he never told me about. They got engaged. He continued to try to date me, and we ended up sleeping together once. They got married. He still pursued me, but I declined. They got divorced. He still tried to date me but I said no way because he clearly has fidelity issues. He told me he loves me. He got married to a different lady and had kids with her. He still tried to date me the whole time!

This man still pursues me to this day. 17 years later. Tells me he loves me, always trying to take me on vacations and treat me to nice things. Despite my one transgression with him, I have declined everything else. I try to keep it platonic and ask about his work, family, wife and kids. When he says he wants to take me on vacation, I say great, let's all go on vacation together with the wife and kids! Has yet to happen, lol

I'm pretty sure his wife (or the other one) has no clue who I am. I've never met her, though I wouldn't have a problem doing so. But I'm pretty sure she wouldn't approve of this particular friendship, where her husband is pursuing said friend.

I also have another friend. He has a girlfriend. We met in college and were besties. He came onto me a few years ago, when we were both single, after a night of slightly drunken fun on July 4. We slept together that nite. We were still friends after that, but with the element of attraction now, though I didn't sleep with him again. He continued to pursue for sex and affection. He got into a relationship. He still continues to pursue me. I have met the girlfriend, we've all hung out together and had fun, and she has no idea her man is all over me like white on rice the minute she turns her back.

So my take away is, to do your homework on any female friends your husband has, single or married. The married ones are probably the worst. The ones to worry about most are the ones you don't know about, or don't know much about. Men can and do lead double lives. They can't help their attraction to some women, and will stop at nothing to get with her, even if they seem like a saint to you.

As a man, I think these types of guys are idiots. Why try to pursue someone for 17 years? It's a lot of lost energy for no return. And as this poster makes it clear, you wind up looking weak and like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Perfectly normal. You will actually benefit more from this friendship down the road than he will. Think about it, when you have an issue with him and need to seek advice outside your marriage, you will seek a one of your good friends. When he does this, he will get a female perspective rather than the male caveman perspective.

It's fine. Don't sweat it. The more you sweat it, the bigger the issue will become in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

I found it very true that you should enjoy your male friends until they marry, because after that they will become your male acquaintances. The only way around it is for the woman to make an active effort to befriend the new wife. It's a bit weird that she isn't doing it, and that your DH doesn't try to engineer it. I thought close friends are naturally in contact with spouses, just by virtue of being present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single female with a few married male friends. I make a big effort to become friends with the wife. I invite them as a couple to my home for dinner or I invite the wife to do something. If I'm going to invite Larlo to do something, I extend the invitation to both of them. Eventually the wife views me as a couple friend and Larlo and I go back to doing things that the wife isn't interested in. I make an effort to reach out to the wife via phone a few times a month.

I have zero interest in my married male friends. If I did, I would have done something about it before they started seriously dating. If one of my male friends was interested in me, I would have zero respect for them if they tried to do something while they were married and we would no longer be friends.

this. My husband had a good female work friend and they did a lot prior to our dating. She always made an effort with me but she is annoying to me so I phased myself out. They still have lunch together about once every 4 months. He has definitely ratcheted down the friendship even though I didn't ask him too. I do think OP is right to be concerned. This guy just seems too invested in this female friend.

[Anonymous]

How about seeing if all three of you are open to a polyamorous marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perfectly normal. You will actually benefit more from this friendship down the road than he will. Think about it, when you have an issue with him and need to seek advice outside your marriage, you will seek a one of your good friends. When he does this, he will get a female perspective rather than the male caveman perspective.

It's fine. Don't sweat it. The more you sweat it, the bigger the issue will become in your relationship.

No, its not perfectly normal. A married man shouldn't communicating with another woman (besides his wife) multiple times a day and texting at night. He's talking with her daily on his way to work? WTF. He is having an emotional affair. Frankly you should have addressed this while you were still dating.

Assuming it would suddenly stop once you got married was a foolish thought. He is putting time and energy into this woman, and not you, his wife. And just wait - once you DH start having issues...who do you think he'll run to for comfort and consoling?....Talk to him about it now. He may gaslight you and say you are paranoid. He may ask why you didn't bring it up while you were still dating....nevertheless, it needs to be addressed and he needs to scale it way back out of respect for you. What he is doing is disrespectful to you and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about seeing if all three of you are open to a polyamorous marriage.

Or at least a 3some

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfectly normal. You will actually benefit more from this friendship down the road than he will. Think about it, when you have an issue with him and need to seek advice outside your marriage, you will seek a one of your good friends. When he does this, he will get a female perspective rather than the male caveman perspective.

It's fine. Don't sweat it. The more you sweat it, the bigger the issue will become in your relationship.

No, its not perfectly normal. A married man shouldn't communicating with another woman (besides his wife) multiple times a day and texting at night. He's talking with her daily on his way to work? WTF. He is having an emotional affair. Frankly you should have addressed this while you were still dating.

Assuming it would suddenly stop once you got married was a foolish thought. He is putting time and energy into this woman, and not you, his wife. And just wait - once you DH start having issues...who do you think he'll run to for comfort and consoling?....Talk to him about it now. He may gaslight you and say you are paranoid. He may ask why you didn't bring it up while you were still dating....nevertheless, it needs to be addressed and he needs to scale it way back out of respect for you. What he is doing is disrespectful to you and your marriage.

No wonder you drove your husband away. Sorry things didn't work out but now you know why.

[Anonymous]

^^^ yep! So many paranoid, controlling, and crazy women here. Do any of you really think that nagging, controlling, being needy, and giving ultimatums is good for your marriage? Come on people. --a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ yep! So many paranoid, controlling, and crazy women here. Do any of you really think that nagging, controlling, being needy, and giving ultimatums is good for your marriage? Come on people. --a woman

You are right. I wouldn't bother with any of these things. I would end the marriage now. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You also seem to get what many of these naive ladies don't, no straight man spends that much time in coversation with a woman he is not sleeping with or trying to sleep with unless it's his mama, his grandmama or his sister and I mean actually those things don't fall for the " he's like a sister to me BS."

I'll agree with this, due to the intensity and frequency of contact. But I don't agree that straight men can't or won't have a less intense friendship (occasional dinner, drinks, movie, or sports watching) with a woman who they don't intend to sleep with. My husband has female friends who he hangs out with from time to time (every few months or so), and I have no concerns about anything sexual happening between them.

You having no concerns does not negate your husband either has or would sleep with these ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ yep! So many paranoid, controlling, and crazy women here. Do any of you really think that nagging, controlling, being needy, and giving ultimatums is good for your marriage? Come on people. --a woman

Blah blah blah. The "cool wife" Nothing but a defense mechanism. If I act like it's not a big deal it isn't and I'm so understanding it will never happen to me.
You think you've got it under control, by being so open an understanding. You'll be twice as hurt when your husband cheats on you because you'll never see it coming.