Can married men have single female friends

[Anonymous]

I just recently got married, <30 days. My husband had/has a single female friend that he is in a fair amount of contact with prior to our marriage. I mean like daily, talks on phone on way to work(long commute), texting in evening and occasional email. Nothing going on just talking about weather, work things, work gossip, tv shows. She is very accomplished and he ask her questions concerning a lot of different things, medical, finances recommendation on things to buy or not buy. I am paying bills now and I see that most of contact is initiated by him. Am I wrong to think that this would have slowed down a bit once we were married? I was never concerned about her before we married, I am just wondering why the level of contact hasn't changed at all. For others who might ask, yes she is attractive and has a relationship with a man that has been going on for sometime but probably won't turn into marriage cause she doesn't want to marry. Am I just being paranoid? Should I think of her as the big sister he never had?

[Anonymous]

It's a little weird. My spouse has female friends, but it's more the variety of, "let's grab lunch once every month or two to catch up." And I know their boyfriends because we do things as couples more often than just he and her alone. He gets that the optics are bad.

[Anonymous]

Don't issue any ultimatums, but keep an eye on things. Befriending her is the easiest way to do that.

[Anonymous]

No, your not paranoid. It's just not done after marriage. Just common sense.

[Anonymous]

I think you should think of her as the one he wanted to marry , but she turned him down because of her anti-marriage stance.


Generally, I think it's okay for couples to have single friends ( same or opposite sex)but the key is that relationship should not interfere with the couples relationship.

In my view he should be asking your opinion on medical, finances, what you buy and you both should be speaking to an advisor together.

His daily communication should not take priority over or be in place of communication with you. You didn't mention it, but going out for drinks with her ( or the guys) shouldn't be happening if y'all can't find time in your schedule for a night out for the pair of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should think of her as the one he wanted to marry , but she turned him down because of her anti-marriage stance.


Generally, I think it's okay for couples to have single friends ( same or opposite sex)but the key is that relationship should not interfere with the couples relationship.

In my view he should be asking your opinion on medical, finances, what you buy and you both should be speaking to an advisor together.

His daily communication should not take priority over or be in place of communication with you. You didn't mention it, but going out for drinks with her ( or the guys) shouldn't be happening if y'all can't find time in your schedule for a night out for the pair of you.

They don't seem to have any or have ever had any after work activities so there aren't any drinks with the her or the guys. It isn't interfering in our relationship but I do agree that it would be nice for him to reference me for these things and not her even though some of them she is very adept at and has given some really solid advise on.

[Anonymous]

Preexisting relationships with members of the opposite gender are fine. I had lunch with an old (male) friend a few weeks ago, in fact. However, I would not make new male friends now, whether they're married or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just recently got married, <30 days. My husband had/has a single female friend that he is in a fair amount of contact with prior to our marriage. I mean like daily, talks on phone on way to work(long commute), texting in evening and occasional email. Nothing going on just talking about weather, work things, work gossip, tv shows. She is very accomplished and he ask her questions concerning a lot of different things, medical, finances recommendation on things to buy or not buy. I am paying bills now and I see that most of contact is initiated by him. Am I wrong to think that this would have slowed down a bit once we were married? I was never concerned about her before we married, I am just wondering why the level of contact hasn't changed at all. For others who might ask, yes she is attractive and has a relationship with a man that has been going on for sometime but probably won't turn into marriage cause she doesn't want to marry. Am I just being paranoid? Should I think of her as the big sister he never had?

Has she ever said or done anything that you think is inappropriate? Do you have any indications that their relationship is more than they say? How does she act towards you? Seems to me that if there was anything romantic between them, you probably would not even be in the picture.

People here will tell you otherwise, but I have always found it a benefit that DH has a close female friend. Their mothers are best friends from childhood DH and our friend were pretty much like brother and sister. She treats me like she treats him and has worked hard to create a relationship with me. I am never excluded from their discussions and she often texts me independently. She also had given him advice from a female perspective that probably nipped some of our marriage issues in the bud.

I may be an odd duck but I am not a big fan of regulating your SO's long term platonic friendships. They have been friends for years (long before you came along it seems) and if you object, he is just going to take the friendship underground. Try to be a part of it. Then you will know for sure firsthand what it is all about.

[Anonymous]

Man here, I have single female friends, although none as close as your DH. It's not weird in and of itself. As long as he isn't secretive about it or when he is with her, I wouldn't sweat it.

If he is going to cheat, he will cheat. With her, with someone else. No use fixating on it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single female with a few married male friends. I make a big effort to become friends with the wife. I invite them as a couple to my home for dinner or I invite the wife to do something. If I'm going to invite Larlo to do something, I extend the invitation to both of them. Eventually the wife views me as a couple friend and Larlo and I go back to doing things that the wife isn't interested in. I make an effort to reach out to the wife via phone a few times a month.

I have zero interest in my married male friends. If I did, I would have done something about it before they started seriously dating. If one of my male friends was interested in me, I would have zero respect for them if they tried to do something while they were married and we would no longer be friends.

[Anonymous]

I think preexisting friendships should be allowed to continue, but the level of contact and intensity you describe it too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just recently got married, <30 days. My husband had/has a single female friend that he is in a fair amount of contact with prior to our marriage. I mean like daily, talks on phone on way to work(long commute), texting in evening and occasional email. Nothing going on just talking about weather, work things, work gossip, tv shows. She is very accomplished and he ask her questions concerning a lot of different things, medical, finances recommendation on things to buy or not buy. I am paying bills now and I see that most of contact is initiated by him. Am I wrong to think that this would have slowed down a bit once we were married? I was never concerned about her before we married, I am just wondering why the level of contact hasn't changed at all. For others who might ask, yes she is attractive and has a relationship with a man that has been going on for sometime but probably won't turn into marriage cause she doesn't want to marry. Am I just being paranoid? Should I think of her as the big sister he never had?

Has she ever said or done anything that you think is inappropriate? Do you have any indications that their relationship is more than they say? How does she act towards you? Seems to me that if there was anything romantic between them, you probably would not even be in the picture.

People here will tell you otherwise, but I have always found it a benefit that DH has a close female friend. Their mothers are best friends from childhood DH and our friend were pretty much like brother and sister. She treats me like she treats him and has worked hard to create a relationship with me. I am never excluded from their discussions and she often texts me independently. She also had given him advice from a female perspective that probably nipped some of our marriage issues in the bud.

I may be an odd duck but I am not a big fan of regulating your SO's long term platonic friendships. They have been friends for years (long before you came along it seems) and if you object, he is just going to take the friendship underground. Try to be a part of it. Then you will know for sure firsthand what it is all about.

I have only met her once and she was really great to me. She wasn't able to make the wedding due to a vacation booked way in advance. I haven't really seen them interact to say how she behaves around him but the one time there didn't seem to be anything to question. She lives kinda far from where we live so getting to know her more would be difficult and we have so little in common. I do agree that if I try to question this or shut it down that won't stop it and will take it underground.

[Anonymous]

Ah yes...the infamous, "I thought things would be different after we got married" perspective.
So he had a single female friend that he was in a fair amount of contact with prior to your marriage and then...


TAAAA-DAAAAAA!!

You tied the knot and you expected him to magically have no inclination to continue that friendship anymore.
Very Walt-Disney-ish way of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Sure they can. I have been both the single friend and now the wife in this scenario. In both instances the friendship (between single female and married man) automatically cooled over time. It's the nature of things - marriages trump friendships and things evolve.

If you add kids in to the mix this happens even faster.

If you weren't worried about it before OP then don't worry about it now. Don't make a thing of it, just let nature take it's course and see what happens over the next year or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Preexisting relationships with members of the opposite gender are fine. I had lunch with an old (male) friend a few weeks ago, in fact. However, I would not make new male friends now, whether they're married or not.

I agree. I don't think that getting a marriage certificate is a mandatory cut-off, hard line thug for friendships that have existed already. I wouldn't care (and never have) if it's a longtime friend, I've met them, and he's transparent about it. Both my partner and I have opposite-sex friends that we text and call and stuff. However, we often include each other's spouses/significant others. We ALL kinda became friends after awhile. You should make an effort to get to know this friend of his; maybe you'll like her. If you make him stop talking to her or pout when he does, you just look very insecure, naggy, and petty. Not a good look, girl.