If you married the wrong person what does it say about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the people who have been sexually promiscuous before marriage tend to divorce more often. The divorce usually stems from cheating.

Depends totally on the couple, although in general promiscous people might have a sense of entitlement and/or self discipline issues that can lead to marriage problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think people who marry the wrong people or wind up divorced have problems of some sort?

Surely not being able to marry a compatible person you really love is a sign that you aren't in tune with your emotions or aren't very intelligent?

Are people who make good matches smarter, more stable etc than people who don't?

In my experience, the divorced people I know, there is always something off.

Awwww the OP has an inferiority complex and is trying to self soothe and make themselves feel better about a crappy marriage they're stuck in.

OP, something is off with you to even ask an asinine question like this. Shows a tremendous amount of immaturity and insecurity on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question and some responses are FUBAR. Hate to tell you but some of the happiest people I know are divorced and with better fit partners, even, gasp, after kids. Grow up. Relationships can endure or end, and that as an isolated data point isn't showing who is a good or not good person. We have damage and histories - all of us more or less.

+ 1 zillion

[Anonymous]

What is says about me. My parents had the same dynamic. I would be a great partner to the right person. I have so much empathy, the wrong person will exploit it. I am taking steps to figure out why I ended up there.

[Anonymous]

It says I had extremely low self esteem and married the loser who wanted to marry me.

[Anonymous]

No one wants to put in the time it takes to grow a relationship. No one wants to bend. No one wants to share. No one wants to be the first to give in.

You all expected perfection and didn't get it. You aren't willing to see it through.

True love is not lots of sex, having your way, bullying your partner to do what you want. Once you realize that, your marriage will become what it needs to be.

One.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the people who have been sexually promiscuous before marriage tend to divorce more often. The divorce usually stems from cheating.

Depends totally on the couple, although in general promiscous people might have a sense of entitlement and/or self discipline issues that can lead to marriage problems.

My husband cheated on me even though I didn't have sex until marriage. He had some previous partners but not many. Obviously this is just one case. But you never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one wants to put in the time it takes to grow a relationship. No one wants to bend. No one wants to share. No one wants to be the first to give in.

You all expected perfection and didn't get it. You aren't willing to see it through.

True love is not lots of sex, having your way, bullying your partner to do what you want. Once you realize that, your marriage will become what it needs to be.

One.

True, but lots of sex helps.

[Anonymous]

No, it says nothing about anybody. I am happily married for 23 years. People fall in love, people mature differently, people change. People adapt. Divorce is most likely a result of being unwilling to work on their marriage. Marriage is hard work and commitment, sometimes that commitment fades. Maybe they worked on it in the beginning but aren't wiling to do so later on. Nobody can predict the future. Never gloat at somebody's else's misfortune as you never know what your future brings.

[Anonymous]

It says I married the wrong person. Next sillya**ed quesrion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one wants to put in the time it takes to grow a relationship. No one wants to bend. No one wants to share. No one wants to be the first to give in.

You all expected perfection and didn't get it. You aren't willing to see it through.

True love is not lots of sex, having your way, bullying your partner to do what you want. Once you realize that, your marriage will become what it needs to be.

One.

I was willing. He left. He has mental health issues.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

It mean I should have asked more questions about his ability to take care of the house, a vehicle, me or children.
Found out too late (2 kids and I got injured) that his mom did EVeRYTHING for his father and brothers and him. Can't change cluelessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what a closed minded view of marriage and divorce...do you actually think that all the non-divorced folks are living fabulous happy lives and are all super smart? Yes, some of them are, but there sure is a high number who are NOT (have you read this board before?)! I am in the process of a divorce, I am highly intelligent and very in touch with my emotions. I have a very good group of girlfriends, all of them are married. There are about 11 of us and out of the 11 of us, only 2 of them are in okay to happy marriages. The rest of them all WANT to divorce, but can't find the courage to pull the trigger for a variety of reasons. I personally think THEY are the stupid ones, or the ones with the issues. Think about that for a min....all these people STAYING in miserable marriages all clearly have their own hang ups on why they can't leave, so they choose to be miserable. That is certainly NOT healthy, not for anyone! So you keep telling yourself that you are some how better than the "divorced" folks. It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave a marriage for whatever reason. Many divorced people that I know have had years of therapy and have ACTUALLY addressed their issues, unlike the miserable married people I know, who all get too drunk at the neighborhood BBQ and tell us all how miserable they are and how much they hate their spouses! The bottom line is that it works both ways....people have issues regardless if they are divorced/married/single....after all we are ALL humans and flawed.

All I can say is thank you for summarizing everything I wanted to say! I needed five full years to get the courage to save my DC and myself from a threatening STBX.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it says nothing about anybody. I am happily married for 23 years. People fall in love, people mature differently, people change. People adapt. Divorce is most likely a result of being unwilling to work on their marriage. Marriage is hard work and commitment, sometimes that commitment fades. Maybe they worked on it in the beginning but aren't wiling to do so later on. Nobody can predict the future. Never gloat at somebody's else's misfortune as you never know what your future brings.

. No one can predict that after 20 years together horrible mental illness will set in creating s dangerous human where a kind man once lived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It mean I should have asked more questions about his ability to take care of the house, a vehicle, me or children.
Found out too late (2 kids and I got injured) that his mom did EVeRYTHING for his father and brothers and him. Can't change cluelessness.

Yeah, but do you think if you had asked more questions you would have gotten really clear answers or enough information to change the course of your life? Probably not.