If you married the wrong person what does it say about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what a closed minded view of marriage and divorce...do you actually think that all the non-divorced folks are living fabulous happy lives and are all super smart? Yes, some of them are, but there sure is a high number who are NOT (have you read this board before?)! I am in the process of a divorce, I am highly intelligent and very in touch with my emotions. I have a very good group of girlfriends, all of them are married. There are about 11 of us and out of the 11 of us, only 2 of them are in okay to happy marriages. The rest of them all WANT to divorce, but can't find the courage to pull the trigger for a variety of reasons. I personally think THEY are the stupid ones, or the ones with the issues. Think about that for a min....all these people STAYING in miserable marriages all clearly have their own hang ups on why they can't leave, so they choose to be miserable. That is certainly NOT healthy, not for anyone! So you keep telling yourself that you are some how better than the "divorced" folks. It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave a marriage for whatever reason. Many divorced people that I know have had years of therapy and have ACTUALLY addressed their issues, unlike the miserable married people I know, who all get too drunk at the neighborhood BBQ and tell us all how miserable they are and how much they hate their spouses! The bottom line is that it works both ways....people have issues regardless if they are divorced/married/single....after all we are ALL humans and flawed.

Are kids involved in any of these marriages? It's certainly healthier for children to be raised in a non-divorce household, as research has shown. The kids are better off in a 2 parent home if it's low conflict. Not to mention, it's going to be a cold, dark day before I give up access to my kids for 50 percent of their lives. I understand there are people who get to that point and for damn good reason. But it's a HUGE deal. For everyone.

I also think you're very hyperbolic. Most of my married friends are living in reality where there are peaks and valleys and good times and bad times and sometimes we're annoyed by our spouse and sometimes we're not. But we're on the ride together and wouldn't pick anyone else to be on the ride with. It's probably a lot more complicated than 9 out of 11 couples are miserable and hate each other.

No, the kids are fine. They are THRIVING! They are RESILIENT! Knock it off with your conservative, brainwashing, misery-loving, martyrdom hog wash! The only thing anyone should ever think about is their personal fulfillment. Those people who are worried about practicality and the well-being of their kids are just weak, pearl-clutching losers.

Oh and in case anyone didn't notice that was sarcasm. I agree with every word you wrote original PP.

The fact that you immediately felt you had to explain yourself shows that you know your sarcasm was weak.

[Anonymous]

Two things can develop later in life that can lead to divorce: mental illness and drug/alcohol addiction.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP. You are better and nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think people who marry the wrong people or wind up divorced have problems of some sort?

Surely not being able to marry a compatible person you really love is a sign that you aren't in tune with your emotions or aren't very intelligent?

Are people who make good matches smarter, more stable etc than people who don't?

In my experience, the divorced people I know, there is always something off.

I'll put it this way. I work with a woman who is extremely attractive and articulate. She married and had two kids with her ex. She kicks herself for marrying him, even paid off his credit cards. Yes, there is something off with her. She has had no lasting relationships since and says she always meets the wrong guy.

[Anonymous]

Marrying the wrong person means that:

1. You have low self-esteem because you don't think yourself capable of attracting a better person;

2. You don't have enough going for you (wealth, attractiveness, etc.) to attract a better catch.

[Anonymous]

I married my ex when we were 28. Everything was great when it was just the two of us and our careers. Once we had kids, a lot of issues came to light that hadn't been apparent when we had more freedom to just do our own thing. Nothing like emotional or physical abuse. It just became clear that we don't really share values as much as we had thought and he was a more selfish person than I thought. I don't know what it says about me - maybe that I was too wrapped up with my career for several years to really focus on the relationship as much as I should have to figure out what his values really were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two things can develop later in life that can lead to divorce: mental illness and drug/alcohol addiction.

Yep, unfortunately very true.

[Anonymous]

The question and some responses are FUBAR. Hate to tell you but some of the happiest people I know are divorced and with better fit partners, even, gasp, after kids. Grow up. Relationships can endure or end, and that as an isolated data point isn't showing who is a good or not good person. We have damage and histories - all of us more or less.

[Anonymous]

Here's a q for the OP:

You see a couple who are in public, the perfect match. Erudite, well-off, equals in parenting and education levels and in bringing home 6 figure incomes. It turns out the DH has cheated off and on for several years. If the wife find out and leaves him, where was her initial fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a q for the OP:

You see a couple who are in public, the perfect match. Erudite, well-off, equals in parenting and educathion levels and in bringing home 6 figure incomes. It turns out the DH has cheated off and on for several years. If the wife find out and leaves him, where was her initial fault?

Exactly. This is what's so stupid. Like, if said husband cheated on said wife when they were in HS and she forgave him OP would say 'see she should have known'. Meanwhile there are tons of married couples with the same scenario where there is no infidelity after marriage. You can find 'red flags' with every single married person, happy or not. But people like OP feel better about themselves and that they are protected from it ever happening to them because they are so smart and careful. Much harder to face that people change and can be nefarious even to those they pledged to protect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP. You are better and nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.

And because you are thin and have sex with your DH 3.4 times a week amd give him 27 BJs per annum that he will never, ever cheat on you or look at porn. Like ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP. You are better and nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.

And because you are thin and have sex with your DH 3.4 times a week amd give him 27 BJs per annum that he will never, ever cheat on you or look at porn. Like ever.

Snerk. This.

Wait til she gets the clap from a tractor.

[Anonymous]

Omg! This has to be the poster who believes that a well groomed child should have no problem getting into an Ivy League school. You see, we all failed because we are not omniscient and all powerful like she is. The only reason things do not work out like you planned is because you are flawed. Life is entirely predictable and hard work always leads to success.

[Anonymous]

I think the people who have been sexually promiscuous before marriage tend to divorce more often. The divorce usually stems from cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the people who have been sexually promiscuous before marriage tend to divorce more often. The divorce usually stems from cheating.

My ex was a virgin before me but he cheated b.c he felt like he was miasing out on something. So much for your prudish theory.