Can someone please explain to me why "baby it's cold outside" is about date rape?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly as someone who experienced date rape, it drives me crazy when people call this song "rapey". This song is NOT what rape is like, in ANY sense. And I dont believe that there would be a single rape victim who would ever suggest that what they experienced sounds like this song.

"Rapey" is offensive. Rape is rape, there's no such thing as something being "rapey", its not an adjective, its a verb. A violent verb, not a playful banter.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly as someone who experienced date rape, it drives me crazy when people call this song "rapey". This song is NOT what rape is like, in ANY sense. And I dont believe that there would be a single rape victim who would ever suggest that what they experienced sounds like this song.

"Rapey" is offensive. Rape is rape, there's no such thing as something being "rapey", its not an adjective, its a verb. A violent verb, not a playful banter.

+1

It's not rape if you offer up a warm need and it's cold outside

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly as someone who experienced date rape, it drives me crazy when people call this song "rapey". This song is NOT what rape is like, in ANY sense. And I dont believe that there would be a single rape victim who would ever suggest that what they experienced sounds like this song.

"Rapey" is offensive. Rape is rape, there's no such thing as something being "rapey", its not an adjective, its a verb. A violent verb, not a playful banter.

Um, are you dumb? There is absolutely a think called "rapey"- things which have a vibe of lack of consent, lack of regard for the word "no", etc.

You sound like the type of person who claims "rape culture" does not exist. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are the odd lyrics:

The neighbors might think (Baby, it's bad out there)
Say, what's in this drink (No cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

Read more: Christmas Song - Baby It's Cold Outside Lyrics | MetroLyrics

So odd that you think a song written so long ago is talking about slipping date rape drugs into a drink.

"Cabs" means exactly what it says. Cabs. As in taxicabs. The second singer is telling the first singer that there are no taxicabs outside right now.

Are you really this dense PP?

not dense at all


I highlighted the entire line instead of just highlighting the fact that the drink was potent. I'm sorry, however, that you're too stupid to figure that out.

So let me help you - Say, what's in this drink

all better now, genius?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly as someone who experienced date rape, it drives me crazy when people call this song "rapey". This song is NOT what rape is like, in ANY sense. And I dont believe that there would be a single rape victim who would ever suggest that what they experienced sounds like this song.

"Rapey" is offensive. Rape is rape, there's no such thing as something being "rapey", its not an adjective, its a verb. A violent verb, not a playful banter.

Um, are you dumb? There is absolutely a think called "rapey"- things which have a vibe of lack of consent, lack of regard for the word "no", etc.

You sound like the type of person who claims "rape culture" does not exist. Yikes.

No, I'm not dumb.
My thought process is this:
"Rapey" to me sounds like "rape-ish".
If it's rape, there's no question that it's rape. The sky can be bluish-grayish. Not quite blue, not quite gray.
Rape isn't a gray area, ever. It's either rape or it's not.
It's like saying someone is dead-ish.
To keep promoting that there are all these levels of rape (allowing something to be not rape but rapey or rape-ish) makes the crime of rape less clear.
As a rape victim myself, my feeling is that this does not help women.

[Anonymous]

A "vibe" of lack of consent?
Consent is a yes or no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly as someone who experienced date rape, it drives me crazy when people call this song "rapey". This song is NOT what rape is like, in ANY sense. And I dont believe that there would be a single rape victim who would ever suggest that what they experienced sounds like this song.

"Rapey" is offensive. Rape is rape, there's no such thing as something being "rapey", its not an adjective, its a verb. A violent verb, not a playful banter.

Um, are you dumb? There is absolutely a think called "rapey"- things which have a vibe of lack of consent, lack of regard for the word "no", etc.

You sound like the type of person who claims "rape culture" does not exist. Yikes.

No, I'm not dumb.
My thought process is this:
"Rapey" to me sounds like "rape-ish".
If it's rape, there's no question that it's rape. The sky can be bluish-grayish. Not quite blue, not quite gray.
Rape isn't a gray area, ever. It's either rape or it's not.
It's like saying someone is dead-ish.
To keep promoting that there are all these levels of rape (allowing something to be not rape but rapey or rape-ish) makes the crime of rape less clear.
As a rape victim myself, my feeling is that this does not help women.

This is great thinking that empowers abusers. Like the "perfect victim"- either it's full on, rape in a back alley or with GHB, or it's not rape, not rapey- and there are no words to describe what happened.

Nah. I think I'll go along with the cultural zeitgeist and continue to use the word. I am sorry for what happened for you and I hope you can read up on people who write extensively on what you are describing. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly as someone who experienced date rape, it drives me crazy when people call this song "rapey". This song is NOT what rape is like, in ANY sense. And I dont believe that there would be a single rape victim who would ever suggest that what they experienced sounds like this song.

"Rapey" is offensive. Rape is rape, there's no such thing as something being "rapey", its not an adjective, its a verb. A violent verb, not a playful banter.

Um, are you dumb? There is absolutely a think called "rapey"- things which have a vibe of lack of consent, lack of regard for the word "no", etc.

You sound like the type of person who claims "rape culture" does not exist. Yikes.

No, I'm not dumb.
My thought process is this:
"Rapey" to me sounds like "rape-ish".
If it's rape, there's no question that it's rape. The sky can be bluish-grayish. Not quite blue, not quite gray.
Rape isn't a gray area, ever. It's either rape or it's not.
It's like saying someone is dead-ish.
To keep promoting that there are all these levels of rape (allowing something to be not rape but rapey or rape-ish) makes the crime of rape less clear.
As a rape victim myself, my feeling is that this does not help women.

This is great thinking that empowers abusers. Like the "perfect victim"- either it's full on, rape in a back alley or with GHB, or it's not rape, not rapey- and there are no words to describe what happened.

Nah. I think I'll go along with the cultural zeitgeist and continue to use the word. I am sorry for what happened for you and I hope you can read up on people who write extensively on what you are describing. Good luck.

I didn't say rape had to happen in a back alley or be drug involved. In fact my own happened in a dorm room, quietly. But there is never a rape without control/power and violence-whether that violence is actual violence or the threat of violence. My point is that the traditional back and forth playfulness of courtship and teasing could never, ever be confused as rape.
As someone who knows rape, I don't need to read about it by "experts".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly as someone who experienced date rape, it drives me crazy when people call this song "rapey". This song is NOT what rape is like, in ANY sense. And I dont believe that there would be a single rape victim who would ever suggest that what they experienced sounds like this song.

"Rapey" is offensive. Rape is rape, there's no such thing as something being "rapey", its not an adjective, its a verb. A violent verb, not a playful banter.

Um, are you dumb? There is absolutely a think called "rapey"- things which have a vibe of lack of consent, lack of regard for the word "no", etc.

You sound like the type of person who claims "rape culture" does not exist. Yikes.

No, I'm not dumb.
My thought process is this:
"Rapey" to me sounds like "rape-ish".
If it's rape, there's no question that it's rape. The sky can be bluish-grayish. Not quite blue, not quite gray.
Rape isn't a gray area, ever. It's either rape or it's not.
It's like saying someone is dead-ish.
To keep promoting that there are all these levels of rape (allowing something to be not rape but rapey or rape-ish) makes the crime of rape less clear.
As a rape victim myself, my feeling is that this does not help women.

This is great thinking that empowers abusers. Like the "perfect victim"- either it's full on, rape in a back alley or with GHB, or it's not rape, not rapey- and there are no words to describe what happened.

Nah. I think I'll go along with the cultural zeitgeist and continue to use the word. I am sorry for what happened for you and I hope you can read up on people who write extensively on what you are describing. Good luck.

I didn't say rape had to happen in a back alley or be drug involved. In fact my own happened in a dorm room, quietly. But there is never a rape without control/power and violence-whether that violence is actual violence or the threat of violence. My point is that the traditional back and forth playfulness of courtship and teasing could never, ever be confused as rape.
As someone who knows rape, I don't need to read about it by "experts".

Right, and "rapey" is a way to describe the very power dynamics you've described. (it can happen without the threat of violence though)

Power dynamics like... say... a woman repeatedly trying to leave and a man not allowing her and pressuring her intensely to stay so that he can have sex with her despite her making it clear she does not want to.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Oh stop. In a real rape situation, for instance, a man would use the threat of violence (through intimidation of some sort). Pleading with someone not to leave is not the same as violence or intimidation. In this song if the woman wasn't kidding around she could clearly walk out the door.
I'd love to hear how a rape can happen without violence or threatening. If the woman feels threatened, there's obviously some threat. I do agree the threat does not have to be "guy holding knife to throat", in my case my rapist stood at his dorm room door making it quite clear I wasn't leaving, and when I said "no", he intimidated me with very powerful obvious threatening. Not "oh but it's so cold outside". Gimme a break.

if a woman decides after the fact that she felt threatened, I have a real issue with categorizing that as rape.

And As i said, I've not only experienced this but also have 3 daughters. Perhaps we think differently but it does not make me an "idiot" or immature.
Learn how to have a debate maybe and consider other viewpoints. That's maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh stop. In a real rape situation, for instance, a man would use the threat of violence (through intimidation of some sort). Pleading with someone not to leave is not the same as violence or intimidation. In this song if the woman wasn't kidding around she could clearly walk out the door.
I'd love to hear how a rape can happen without violence or threatening. If the woman feels threatened, there's obviously some threat. I do agree the threat does not have to be "guy holding knife to throat", in my case my rapist stood at his dorm room door making it quite clear I wasn't leaving, and when I said "no", he intimidated me with very powerful obvious threatening. Not "oh but it's so cold outside". Gimme a break.

if a woman decides after the fact that she felt threatened, I have a real issue with categorizing that as rape.

And As i said, I've not only experienced this but also have 3 daughters. Perhaps we think differently but it does not make me an "idiot" or immature.
Learn how to have a debate maybe and consider other viewpoints. That's maturity.

So Brock Turner wasn't rape? There was no intimidation there. Sometimes it doesn't have to "I'm going to slit your throat" it can be, "Come on, just let me" "No, I don't want to" "Come on" (which, I realize as I type that out, is fairly similar to the song)

Your idea of rape seems to be it all has to be extremely dramatic, extremely clear cut, almost like a Disney villain version. In real life, there are many more shades of gray. There are plenty of ways to intimidate or coerce that don't have to do with violence.

[Anonymous]

Of course turner was rape. There was no consent. Raping her was violence.
"Don't leave, it's so cold out there..."....you don't see a difference? Seriously???

[Anonymous]

I find it a little creepy. Maybe not "rapey" but the guy does seem a little smarmy, trying to talk her into staying with lame excuses.

I also dislike "we wish you a merry Christmas" because the people singing it demand that you bring them figgy pudding, and they won't go until they get some. Yeah, if you knock on my door and demand dessert and say you won't leave, I'm calling the cops.

Not every Christmas song is a winner.

[Anonymous]

Creepy, smarmy, lecherous....sure, use any of those words if you want. Personally I've had many of those "flirting" moments and it's lighthearted and fun in my mind.
But rape? No. just no. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Good comparison. Is "bring us some figgy pudding" a song about strong armed home invasion? Lol.