DH's middle school ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Frankly, it doesn't. This was a friend from MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Either you are crazy and imagining these things, or you acted in a way that fueled rumors, or they are crazy and created a story where there wasn't one. But NO ONE in his right mind will think a friend from middle school could be considered a girlfriend and potential rival for the current wife. Unless you're still all in high school?!?

I'm sorry to say that given the way you've explained things here, I would think you're the crazy one.

I know this is a bit hard to follow. SIL is the one who refers to her as an ex to get to me. I just refer to her as ex here for simplicity.

You shouldn't because you're coming across as insane. It wouldn't have killed you to introduce the subject as "DH's friend from middle school - they dated a bit and now SIL brings her to all the family events and I'm feeling everyone is whispering about her and me." To which we would say, eh, no big deal, you two can be friends.
But it sounds like you're the one who messed because otherwise... there wouldn't be any story.

SIL used this girl to try and hurt me. She worked so hard to try and make me hate her. Seriously, SIL even went as far as telling me that this woman referred to as ex by SIL likes to sleep with married men.

So? Again, SIL is acting crazy, but that's no reflection on you or the woman. Just ignore SIL. If the woman comes to the gatherings, be friendly to her -- she hasn't done anything to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the DuH and then he lost the u?

OP, I have no idea. This post is nearly incomprehensible to me. Next time you see "ex" ( stupid to even call her that) smile and say, hi - nice to see you!

Just RISE UP. you are ALL acting like idiots.

Oh my gosh, thank you for stating my exact thoughts, because I was at a loss for words. I couldn't make it through the entire post, and the DuH and lost the U... WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is hard to follow so here is the short version. SIL qad a jerk and used an innocent bystander to try and get to me. This bystander is an inlaw family friend that is invited to all of the inlaw events. SIL told this bystander that I don't like her. This made things uncomfortable. I'm posting because I don't want things to be awkward.

If you sent a text to SIL saying that this woman's presence made YOU feel awkward....well, you got to own that. You said it and the cats out of the bag now. SIL appears not to like you very much...so, yeah, she'll probably use it to make you look like a drama queen.

As far as SIL saying that you "hate" this old family friend goes...well, SHE is the one saying that and she needs to own that. It isn't true, you don't actually hate the woman. So be polite and welcoming towards her when you next see her. That's it.

Don't play into the drama.

Exactly. You fell for it at one point, now it's going to be more work to get your message across. You don't actually need to be super friendly, just smile and chat for a bit and move on. The ones you have to convince are the other bystanders - say charming things about this woman to everyone else, to undercut your SIL. Done.

And avoid the SIL - nasty piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Frankly, it doesn't. This was a friend from MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Either you are crazy and imagining these things, or you acted in a way that fueled rumors, or they are crazy and created a story where there wasn't one. But NO ONE in his right mind will think a friend from middle school could be considered a girlfriend and potential rival for the current wife. Unless you're still all in high school?!?

I'm sorry to say that given the way you've explained things here, I would think you're the crazy one.

I know this is a bit hard to follow. SIL is the one who refers to her as an ex to get to me. I just refer to her as ex here for simplicity.

You shouldn't because you're coming across as insane. It wouldn't have killed you to introduce the subject as "DH's friend from middle school - they dated a bit and now SIL brings her to all the family events and I'm feeling everyone is whispering about her and me." To which we would say, eh, no big deal, you two can be friends.
But it sounds like you're the one who messed because otherwise... there wouldn't be any story.

SIL used this girl to try and hurt me. She worked so hard to try and make me hate her. Seriously, SIL even went as far as telling me that this woman referred to as ex by SIL likes to sleep with married men.

SIL is being a dysfunctional biotch. Be nice to her guest but icy towards her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

Is your husband from a small town? It sounds like he is. In which case, this all makes sense. Middle school events are very present for grown adults. Lots of intermingling in the dating pool. Drama-rama.

My advice stands. Get in touch with Sherry. Tell her that you're sorry about the weird awkwardness from SIL, that you think she's awesome and look forward to seeing her. Then let it go. If SIL makes an awkward scene, you could make an announcement saying, "Hi everyone, Sherry and I are fine. Please stop being weird" but that is not likely to de-escalate the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

You want to be friends with this "ex" why again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

Is your husband from a small town? It sounds like he is. In which case, this all makes sense. Middle school events are very present for grown adults. Lots of intermingling in the dating pool. Drama-rama.

My advice stands. Get in touch with Sherry. Tell her that you're sorry about the weird awkwardness from SIL, that you think she's awesome and look forward to seeing her. Then let it go. If SIL makes an awkward scene, you could make an announcement saying, "Hi everyone, Sherry and I are fine. Please stop being weird" but that is not likely to de-escalate the drama.

Yes, DH is from a tiny gossipy town. I however am not. This is all so strange to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

You want to be friends with this "ex" why again?

I just feel bad that she thinks I hate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

Is your husband from a small town? It sounds like he is. In which case, this all makes sense. Middle school events are very present for grown adults. Lots of intermingling in the dating pool. Drama-rama.

My advice stands. Get in touch with Sherry. Tell her that you're sorry about the weird awkwardness from SIL, that you think she's awesome and look forward to seeing her. Then let it go. If SIL makes an awkward scene, you could make an announcement saying, "Hi everyone, Sherry and I are fine. Please stop being weird" but that is not likely to de-escalate the drama.

Yes, DH is from a tiny gossipy town. I however am not. This is all so strange to me.

Yeah, it's pretty clear that you're out of your depth. Smooth things over with Sherry, and be normal. Just ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

Who cares who Sherry has or hasn't dated? Why are you dwelling on that? You seem far more threatened by her than you should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

Who cares who Sherry has or hasn't dated? Why are you dwelling on that? You seem far more threatened by her than you should be.

I'm just saying that it's no longer JUST SIL's friend. She's become a family friend of most of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

They celebrate early because her mother goes to see her other daughter on the actual day of.

Sherry isn't married? No kids of her own?

She's a single mom. Has a son my nephews age. At some point this ex was dating another one of SIL's relatives. She's also had a fling with DH's cousin.

Is your husband from a small town? It sounds like he is. In which case, this all makes sense. Middle school events are very present for grown adults. Lots of intermingling in the dating pool. Drama-rama.

My advice stands. Get in touch with Sherry. Tell her that you're sorry about the weird awkwardness from SIL, that you think she's awesome and look forward to seeing her. Then let it go. If SIL makes an awkward scene, you could make an announcement saying, "Hi everyone, Sherry and I are fine. Please stop being weird" but that is not likely to de-escalate the drama.

Op is the one that sent the "her presence makes me feel awkward" text to her SIL. Sherry has seen the text. SIL has no doubt told Sherry that Op is a full out drama queen - she has proof of it with the text, right?

Op can only redeem herself by not playing into the drama now. You can only redeem yourself by NOT playing into the drama.