DH's middle school ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Then just be nice to her when you see her. Unless I'm missing something you are not old friends with this woman, in fact you rarely see her at all.

That's just it. I will see her at least every couple of months. I worry that MIL will tell SIL that EX can't come so that I don't feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Then just be nice to her when you see her. Unless I'm missing something you are not old friends with this woman, in fact you rarely see her at all.

That's just it. I will see her at least every couple of months. I worry that MIL will tell SIL that EX can't come so that I don't feel uncomfortable.

So tell MIL, "Yo, MIL. Is EX coming? I like her. She's funny."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll make this short. DH had this girlfriend a long time ago. SIL and her became best friends. SIL and ex had a huge falling out and didn't speak for 6 years. I actually learned of this ex from SIL. One day I was in the car with her and we passed ex's house. SIL says "thats DH's bitch ex girlfriend's house. We were best friends and then one day she started telling people that I called her names and never spoke to me again" I nodded uncomfortably. I got home and asked DH about it. Turns out she's an ex girlfriend from MIDDLE SCHOOL! It's clear that SIL was just being a bitch.

Years go by and I don't hear anything about this "ex".. Then last year out of nowhere her and SIL are best friends again. Okay whatever not my business. Well then SIL started PA trying to start drama. I don't mind this woman. She seems nice enough. She did however end up in the middle of the drama. She began coming to every inlaw event/holiday and one day out of no where SIL says to me that this woman was family and I needed to get over it. I had never mentioned not liking this woman or even given the slightest hint of having a problem with her.

I addressed it with DH and asked if he had said anything to SIL and he said no. He was pissed.

DH was a DuH and sent a message to SIL about "ex girlgirlfriend". He said he was uncomfortable as was I. He told her it wasn't okay to bring an ex girlfriend around and expecting us to make her family. Blah blah blah it ended up being a text that only addressed this woman rather than addressing SIL's bad behavior. DH followed by putting her in a long time out(8 months). In that period he learned how he should have handled it and lost the u.

FF to now. SIL has been on her best behavior. She seems to be trainable at this point. We don't necessarily have a relationship with her but we get along now and see her when we visit PIL's and she is there. She has this new friend we will call C. Well C will soon be SIL's SIL and has been invited to a few things here and there as well as her little girl who is DD's age. We do presents for the entire family so I asked MIL and SIL if anyone else would be at the Christmas celebration. SIL made a strange face/arm reaction and no one answered my question. I only asked because I would feel terrible if I left out a child.

SIL's reaction led me to believe ex(hate even calling her that) will be there. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with her. Not my house, they can invite whoever. So long as SIL doesn't revert back to using this woman to get at me I will remain fine with it. However, no one actually said she was coming and even worse she thinks I hate her.

I don't know if I should just ask MIL again if anyone else is coming or just go to this ex directly and explain. How do I handle this?

Da heq??? You lost me at middle school.
This is absolutely retarded. DCUM has officially jumped the shark.
perhaps there should be a new forum: 12 and Under.

[Anonymous]

^P.S. You did not "make it short."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Then just be nice to her when you see her. Unless I'm missing something you are not old friends with this woman, in fact you rarely see her at all.

That's just it. I will see her at least every couple of months. I worry that MIL will tell SIL that EX can't come so that I don't feel uncomfortable.

So tell MIL, "Yo, MIL. Is EX coming? I like her. She's funny."

Lol It was just weird with MIL because she never answered my question. She was probably uncomfortable and not wanting to make me mad. Ill approach it in a way that lets her know I'm fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll make this short. DH had this girlfriend a long time ago. SIL and her became best friends. SIL and ex had a huge falling out and didn't speak for 6 years. I actually learned of this ex from SIL. One day I was in the car with her and we passed ex's house. SIL says "thats DH's bitch ex girlfriend's house. We were best friends and then one day she started telling people that I called her names and never spoke to me again" I nodded uncomfortably. I got home and asked DH about it. Turns out she's an ex girlfriend from MIDDLE SCHOOL! It's clear that SIL was just being a bitch.

Years go by and I don't hear anything about this "ex".. Then last year out of nowhere her and SIL are best friends again. Okay whatever not my business. Well then SIL started PA trying to start drama. I don't mind this woman. She seems nice enough. She did however end up in the middle of the drama. She began coming to every inlaw event/holiday and one day out of no where SIL says to me that this woman was family and I needed to get over it. I had never mentioned not liking this woman or even given the slightest hint of having a problem with her.

I addressed it with DH and asked if he had said anything to SIL and he said no. He was pissed.

DH was a DuH and sent a message to SIL about "ex girlgirlfriend". He said he was uncomfortable as was I. He told her it wasn't okay to bring an ex girlfriend around and expecting us to make her family. Blah blah blah it ended up being a text that only addressed this woman rather than addressing SIL's bad behavior. DH followed by putting her in a long time out(8 months). In that period he learned how he should have handled it and lost the u.

FF to now. SIL has been on her best behavior. She seems to be trainable at this point. We don't necessarily have a relationship with her but we get along now and see her when we visit PIL's and she is there. She has this new friend we will call C. Well C will soon be SIL's SIL and has been invited to a few things here and there as well as her little girl who is DD's age. We do presents for the entire family so I asked MIL and SIL if anyone else would be at the Christmas celebration. SIL made a strange face/arm reaction and no one answered my question. I only asked because I would feel terrible if I left out a child.

SIL's reaction led me to believe ex(hate even calling her that) will be there. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with her. Not my house, they can invite whoever. So long as SIL doesn't revert back to using this woman to get at me I will remain fine with it. However, no one actually said she was coming and even worse she thinks I hate her.

I don't know if I should just ask MIL again if anyone else is coming or just go to this ex directly and explain. How do I handle this?

Da heq??? You lost me at middle school.
This is absolutely retarded. DCUM has officially jumped the shark.
perhaps there should be a new forum: 12 and Under.

Because you seem so intellectual when you say things like Da heq?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Then just be nice to her when you see her. Unless I'm missing something you are not old friends with this woman, in fact you rarely see her at all.

That's just it. I will see her at least every couple of months. I worry that MIL will tell SIL that EX can't come so that I don't feel uncomfortable.

Well, just be polite to her when she shows up to the gatherings. No need for drama here, she could meet the guy of her dreams tomorrow and never come to another one of your family gatherings ever again. The only reason you know this woman at all is through your SIL. She is your SIL's old friend and I would respect that friendship and not try to insert myself into it.

[Anonymous]

I know this is hard to follow so here is the short version. SIL qad a jerk and used an innocent bystander to try and get to me. This bystander is an inlaw family friend that is invited to all of the inlaw events. SIL told this bystander that I don't like her. This made things uncomfortable. I'm posting because I don't want things to be awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Frankly, it doesn't. This was a friend from MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Either you are crazy and imagining these things, or you acted in a way that fueled rumors, or they are crazy and created a story where there wasn't one. But NO ONE in his right mind will think a friend from middle school could be considered a girlfriend and potential rival for the current wife. Unless you're still all in high school?!?

I'm sorry to say that given the way you've explained things here, I would think you're the crazy one.

I know this is a bit hard to follow. SIL is the one who refers to her as an ex to get to me. I just refer to her as ex here for simplicity.

You shouldn't because you're coming across as insane. It wouldn't have killed you to introduce the subject as "DH's friend from middle school - they dated a bit and now SIL brings her to all the family events and I'm feeling everyone is whispering about her and me." To which we would say, eh, no big deal, you two can be friends.
But it sounds like you're the one who messed because otherwise... there wouldn't be any story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Frankly, it doesn't. This was a friend from MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Either you are crazy and imagining these things, or you acted in a way that fueled rumors, or they are crazy and created a story where there wasn't one. But NO ONE in his right mind will think a friend from middle school could be considered a girlfriend and potential rival for the current wife. Unless you're still all in high school?!?

I'm sorry to say that given the way you've explained things here, I would think you're the crazy one.

I know this is a bit hard to follow. SIL is the one who refers to her as an ex to get to me. I just refer to her as ex here for simplicity.

You shouldn't because you're coming across as insane. It wouldn't have killed you to introduce the subject as "DH's friend from middle school - they dated a bit and now SIL brings her to all the family events and I'm feeling everyone is whispering about her and me." To which we would say, eh, no big deal, you two can be friends.
But it sounds like you're the one who messed because otherwise... there wouldn't be any story.

SIL used this girl to try and hurt me. She worked so hard to try and make me hate her. Seriously, SIL even went as far as telling me that this woman referred to as ex by SIL likes to sleep with married men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is hard to follow so here is the short version. SIL qad a jerk and used an innocent bystander to try and get to me. This bystander is an inlaw family friend that is invited to all of the inlaw events. SIL told this bystander that I don't like her. This made things uncomfortable. I'm posting because I don't want things to be awkward.

Nope, you still come off as bat shit crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Way to attain goal? Communicate directly with Sherry (the name I've decided to give your husband's "girlfriend" from middle school). Clear the air. "Sherry, I know things have been weirdly tense because SIL thinks that you and I don't get along. I think you're cool and am looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. We get in on the 22nd. Wanna get coffee or cocktails on the 23rd?"

I also don't understand why SIL is bringing Sherry to family events. Is it possible that THEY are in a relationship? Is it common in your H's family to bring non-relatives to small family get togethers?

SIL is married and has a kid. In all the time I've been with DH(10 years) never has anyone besides immediate family and ine aunt been at Christmas.

Does Sherry have a family of her own? Why is she spending holidays with your family and not hers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is hard to follow so here is the short version. SIL qad a jerk and used an innocent bystander to try and get to me. This bystander is an inlaw family friend that is invited to all of the inlaw events. SIL told this bystander that I don't like her. This made things uncomfortable. I'm posting because I don't want things to be awkward.

If you sent a text to SIL saying that this woman's presence made YOU feel awkward....well, you got to own that. You said it and the cats out of the bag now. SIL appears not to like you very much...so, yeah, she'll probably use it to make you look like a drama queen.

As far as SIL saying that you "hate" this old family friend goes...well, SHE is the one saying that and she needs to own that. It isn't true, you don't actually hate the woman. So be polite and welcoming towards her when you next see her. That's it.

Don't play into the drama.