DH's middle school ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Frankly, it doesn't. This was a friend from MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Either you are crazy and imagining these things, or you acted in a way that fueled rumors, or they are crazy and created a story where there wasn't one. But NO ONE in his right mind will think a friend from middle school could be considered a girlfriend and potential rival for the current wife. Unless you're still all in high school?!?

I'm sorry to say that given the way you've explained things here, I would think you're the crazy one.

I know this is a bit hard to follow. SIL is the one who refers to her as an ex to get to me. I just refer to her as ex here for simplicity.

But you/DH were the ones who sent SIL a text saying that inviting ex-girlfriends makes you uncomfortable. Why are you responding to her any differently than you would any of SIL's other friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite out to coffee. Have a chat. Make things less awkward and the next time you see her at a party go over and give her a big hug and have a chat.

Why should Op pretend to have such warm, fuzzy feelings about this long ago ex middle school gf of her dh's. I don't think that Op should be rude to the woman but Op has no ties to this woman and it would be weird of her to treat her like an old friend. Why would she? They aren't old friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Frankly, it doesn't. This was a friend from MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Either you are crazy and imagining these things, or you acted in a way that fueled rumors, or they are crazy and created a story where there wasn't one. But NO ONE in his right mind will think a friend from middle school could be considered a girlfriend and potential rival for the current wife. Unless you're still all in high school?!?

I'm sorry to say that given the way you've explained things here, I would think you're the crazy one.

I know this is a bit hard to follow. SIL is the one who refers to her as an ex to get to me. I just refer to her as ex here for simplicity.

But you/DH were the ones who sent SIL a text saying that inviting ex-girlfriends makes you uncomfortable. Why are you responding to her any differently than you would any of SIL's other friends?

DH sent the text. What he was meaning to say and what he said were totally different things. I never said anything to SIL. And none of SIL's other friends are at family get togethers.

[Anonymous]

Is there more than one person who calls adults trainable and puts adult relatives in time outs? This op reminds me of one from a couple weeks ago with all the drama and sil, mil and all the other letters.

Maybe read the Boundaries book, op. I'm sorry if you married into a dysfunctional family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Are you 14? Please tell us you don't have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there more than one person who calls adults trainable and puts adult relatives in time outs? This op reminds me of one from a couple weeks ago with all the drama and sil, mil and all the other letters.

Maybe read the Boundaries book, op. I'm sorry if you married into a dysfunctional family.

Sorry im also on DWIL. There tends to be more of "never have anything to do with SIL" replies there and that seems harsh in this situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Are you 14? Please tell us you don't have children.

Sorry I have a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait...are you all still in middle school, or is that just how you're acting?

Because you've never been in an uncomfortable situation before? Seriously, I'm just asking for advice on an uncomfortable situation. Do I address it head on or continue to let her think I hate her. I just feel that by not clearing the air I'm letting unnecessary drama continue.

It's this. It's your HUSBAND's FRIEND from effing middle school. You AND SIL are certifiable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait...are you all still in middle school, or is that just how you're acting?

Because you've never been in an uncomfortable situation before? Seriously, I'm just asking for advice on an uncomfortable situation. Do I address it head on or continue to let her think I hate her. I just feel that by not clearing the air I'm letting unnecessary drama continue.

It's this. It's your HUSBAND's FRIEND from effing middle school. You AND SIL are certifiable

She's at all the inlaw's events. Silly me for trying to get along/have a relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I know EX thinks I hate her. Everyone does. A family member was recently in the ICU. EX showed up. Everyone stared at me as she walked in. Then began the whispering and everyone just continued staring at me. It was so uncomfortable. The Christmas get together consists of like 8 people and I just don't want it to be weird and uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Are you 14? Please tell us you don't have children.

Sorry I have a daughter.

My sympathies to her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait...are you all still in middle school, or is that just how you're acting?

Because you've never been in an uncomfortable situation before? Seriously, I'm just asking for advice on an uncomfortable situation. Do I address it head on or continue to let her think I hate her. I just feel that by not clearing the air I'm letting unnecessary drama continue.

It's this. It's your HUSBAND's FRIEND from effing middle school. You AND SIL are certifiable

She's at all the inlaw's events. Silly me for trying to get along/have a relationship with her.

There is no helping you

[Anonymous]

I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there more than one person who calls adults trainable and puts adult relatives in time outs? This op reminds me of one from a couple weeks ago with all the drama and sil, mil and all the other letters.

Maybe read the Boundaries book, op. I'm sorry if you married into a dysfunctional family.

Sorry im also on DWIL. There tends to be more of "never have anything to do with SIL" replies there and that seems harsh in this situation

SIL puts it all into weird/awkward territory by referring to this woman as her brother's "ex". She's putting a significance there that really shouldn't be there.

I mean it's good that the Op knows that her husband went out with her back when they were kids. But the reason this woman is around now is because she is SIL's old friend. It has nothing to do with Op or Op's husband. Op's dh is not the one inviting this woman to family gatherings. SIL is the one doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there more than one person who calls adults trainable and puts adult relatives in time outs? This op reminds me of one from a couple weeks ago with all the drama and sil, mil and all the other letters.

Maybe read the Boundaries book, op. I'm sorry if you married into a dysfunctional family.

Sorry im also on DWIL. There tends to be more of "never have anything to do with SIL" replies there and that seems harsh in this situation

SIL puts it all into weird/awkward territory by referring to this woman as her brother's "ex". She's putting a significance there that really shouldn't be there.

I mean it's good that the Op knows that her husband went out with her back when they were kids. But the reason this woman is around now is because she is SIL's old friend. It has nothing to do with Op or Op's husband. Op's dh is not the one inviting this woman to family gatherings. SIL is the one doing that.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like this woman. We were becoming friends. SIL told her I hated her and it all became awkward. Goal? Make it less awkward and possibly repair a friendship. I do have to see this person multiple times a year and would love for it to not be awkward.

Then just be nice to her when you see her. Unless I'm missing something you are not old friends with this woman, in fact you rarely see her at all.