Feeling like I've failed my DD, re making friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gave me something to think about OP.
I am a SAHM and have avoided having "after-care" kids over simply because they usually wouldn't get picked up until 6 pm. Having another kid over from 3:15 til 6 is draining but I realize how important it is that they get invitations for playdates, too.

Or maybe WOHM can offer playdates on the weekends and their days off and then say "my child can leave child care and I can try to pick-up them by 5:30pm" I am sure many SAHM would be absolutely fine with this.

Days off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with op volunteering or working full time out of the home. I SAH (and do not choose companions for my kids based on which parents volunteer!?) and have a group of mom friends in the neighborhood, but one of my kids is an introvert and rarely is called for playdates. OP, I agree with the advice to pre-plan - a week or so before a day off from school, or a weekend, ask DD who she wants to come over for a playdate, and email that person's parent. Do so again with that same child (assuming your DD enjoyed the playdate) a few more times. Don't be discouraged if it is not reciprocated at first - ime there are a lot of reasons why that could occur which have nothing to do with how much or little the other child likes your DD.

It wasn't the volunteering per say, it's the "right" kind of volunteering to build that group of mom friends. If you were the working mom that other moms only know in the briefest passing, the other moms won't necessarily let the DD take the bus home with yours or let your DH pick up the girls after school, no one will bat an eye if you send a text at 2:30 asking if they want to come over at 3:00 because no one is working and you already have a re pore -- there's all this little logistics that get smoothed out if the moms are already friends.

You are advocating the same think for your DD, you are reaching out to the moms, likely who know you, to setup things on her behalf. Parents will respond first to parents they know rather than the random email from some mom you have never met, its just the nature of things.

I'm too tired today to argue this, but that is not how it works for my kids. I pointed out that I sah and have mom friends to highlight that despite thise things (which some on this thread have cited as things op needed to do to help her child make friends), one of my kids rarely gets invited for playdates. Also, my kids are not necessarily friends with the kids of my mom friends (for example, many of these mom friendships started when our kids were young and in class and on sports teams together, but by now - late elem school and middle school - they've moved onto diff teams and in and out of friendships). So I am still reaching out to parents I don't know well or at all when trying to get some play dates going for my introverted kid. My points to OP are to pre-plan, and don't get discouraged if play dates are not reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

If a 5th grader is not making friends it's a child fail.

I can't believe you are still talking about "play dates". This is the age where they "hang-out". They are closer to being a pre-teen than a young child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a 5th grader is not making friends it's a child fail.

I can't believe you are still talking about "play dates". This is the age where they "hang-out". They are closer to being a pre-teen than a young child.

A large part of that is folks make their friends in younger graders. OP was checked out and not doing the mom friend groundwork for her DD that her classmates mom did. She was asking how to rectify it, but it may be too late as you say. Maybe change schools, being new kid gives cache to make new friends. Right now she's the weird loner with the mom that no one ever sees (we have one at our school; she tends to just play with the boys at recess, we tried to invite her to a birthday party but no parent info in directory, no response to kid to kid invite, have never seen mother EVER and the dad only a few times. It's sad but hopefully you are right and MS will be new ground for her)

[Anonymous]

all good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:all good

It's Pete the cat!