If you cheated how did you get caught?

[Anonymous]

I got a special one for you.

DH's longterm affair partner by accident has found herself at the same playground where I took my kids. She was there with their four-year old daughter. My kids are six years and 18 months old.

My six-year old started playing merrily with her daughter. I didn't even notice the mom. When it's time to leave, I bundle the little one in the stroller and start walking, my six-year old is trotting ahead on the path. The little girl zooms after my son and starts crying, asking him not to leave. The mother begins to walk after me. I say, off hand, they certainly seem to have connected, don't they. Yes, she says, they are siblings. I dismiss it as someone's bad English.

Come home that night, tell my husband an amusing story. And he says yes, it's true. They really ARE siblings. The disgusting duo has been playing around since before we got married. Had a child with her when my son was barely two, "because we were fighting all the time and I wasn't sure the marriage would survive." Has been basically maintaining a second family ever since then. Has been taking my son there so he can have a "relationship with his sister." My five-year old knew before I knew.

I want to go rent a bazooka and mow them all down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.

Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.

I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!

Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.

Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.

You are kidding right... why would one person go outside the marriage if it is good. You don't know that happily married people cheat, lie, drink too much, etc. You think if you are happily married nothing bad happens in your life and you never do anything bad.

Or maybe they are happy with the marriage and ...

they have sex because that is how their self esteem has always be qualified.
Or maybe they have impulsiveness issues and just can't stop themselves.
or maybe they are depressed and they think an affair will fix it but it doesn't
or maybe they have anxieties and the high of an affair makes that feeling go away for a minute, of course like alcohol you wake up even more anxious.

sometimes there is no shit on the shoe ...

he says he is unhappy because you won't have an affair with him if he admits to being happy... it's the bait and you swallowed it.

My AP told me he was happy with his marriage when we had our first lunch date. He continued to tell me he was happy when were were in bed the next day and throughout our way too long affair. I never believed him. How could he be happy and also see me everyday and tell me he loved me? Was he really happy in in marriage? I was happy enough in mine but the sex with AP was amazing. Anyway - wifey hacked his secret email account the first time and found his burner phone the second. Not sure why she stayed with him I guess she is happy too.

why would she leave amazing sex and a happy marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a special one for you.

DH's longterm affair partner by accident has found herself at the same playground where I took my kids. She was there with their four-year old daughter. My kids are six years and 18 months old.

My six-year old started playing merrily with her daughter. I didn't even notice the mom. When it's time to leave, I bundle the little one in the stroller and start walking, my six-year old is trotting ahead on the path. The little girl zooms after my son and starts crying, asking him not to leave. The mother begins to walk after me. I say, off hand, they certainly seem to have connected, don't they. Yes, she says, they are siblings. I dismiss it as someone's bad English.

Come home that night, tell my husband an amusing story. And he says yes, it's true. They really ARE siblings. The disgusting duo has been playing around since before we got married. Had a child with her when my son was barely two, "because we were fighting all the time and I wasn't sure the marriage would survive." Has been basically maintaining a second family ever since then. Has been taking my son there so he can have a "relationship with his sister." My five-year old knew before I knew.

I want to go rent a bazooka and mow them all down.

When was this? Are you still married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.

Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.

I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!

Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.

Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.

You are kidding right... why would one person go outside the marriage if it is good. You don't know that happily married people cheat, lie, drink too much, etc. You think if you are happily married nothing bad happens in your life and you never do anything bad.

Or maybe they are happy with the marriage and ...

they have sex because that is how their self esteem has always be qualified.
Or maybe they have impulsiveness issues and just can't stop themselves.
or maybe they are depressed and they think an affair will fix it but it doesn't
or maybe they have anxieties and the high of an affair makes that feeling go away for a minute, of course like alcohol you wake up even more anxious.

sometimes there is no shit on the shoe ...

he says he is unhappy because you won't have an affair with him if he admits to being happy... it's the bait and you swallowed it.

My AP told me he was happy with his marriage when we had our first lunch date. He continued to tell me he was happy when were were in bed the next day and throughout our way too long affair. I never believed him. How could he be happy and also see me everyday and tell me he loved me? Was he really happy in in marriage? I was happy enough in mine but the sex with AP was amazing. Anyway - wifey hacked his secret email account the first time and found his burner phone the second. Not sure why she stayed with him I guess she is happy too.

I think some men have lower standards when it comes to marriage and don't depend on the marriage for their happiness. They can be happy even if the marriage isn't that great. My AP told me the same thing. But if his marriage was so great why was he spending so much time on the phone with someone 20 years younger with little in common? Why was he texting me all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not me, but my SIL figured it out when she discovered my brother sent 3,000 in one month to an unfamiliar number. She called it and AP spilled everything.

3,000 what? Texts? Dollars? Dick pics?

sorry, texts. This was back before unlimited text plans were common. She freaked when she opened the cell phone bill, saw how much it was, and then saw why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.

Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.

I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!

Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.

Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.

You are kidding right... why would one person go outside the marriage if it is good. You don't know that happily married people cheat, lie, drink too much, etc. You think if you are happily married nothing bad happens in your life and you never do anything bad.

Or maybe they are happy with the marriage and ...

they have sex because that is how their self esteem has always be qualified.
Or maybe they have impulsiveness issues and just can't stop themselves.
or maybe they are depressed and they think an affair will fix it but it doesn't
or maybe they have anxieties and the high of an affair makes that feeling go away for a minute, of course like alcohol you wake up even more anxious.

sometimes there is no shit on the shoe ...

he says he is unhappy because you won't have an affair with him if he admits to being happy... it's the bait and you swallowed it.

My AP told me he was happy with his marriage when we had our first lunch date. He continued to tell me he was happy when were were in bed the next day and throughout our way too long affair. I never believed him. How could he be happy and also see me everyday and tell me he loved me? Was he really happy in in marriage? I was happy enough in mine but the sex with AP was amazing. Anyway - wifey hacked his secret email account the first time and found his burner phone the second. Not sure why she stayed with him I guess she is happy too.

I think some men have lower standards when it comes to marriage and don't depend on the marriage for their happiness. They can be happy even if the marriage isn't that great. My AP told me the same thing. But if his marriage was so great why was he spending so much time on the phone with someone 20 years younger with little in common? Why was he texting me all the time?

Ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH got suspicious when he noticed my best lingerie missing for a business trip. Two days later he saw an incriminating email. I was in a terrible place internally. My life was so dark and my marriage was so lonely and lifeless. I have so much guilt and shame. My DH has stayed with me and kept our family together and I will always be grateful for that. We are in a better place now. Not great but better and working on it every day. I learned so much

Your husband is a cuck..I would have dropped your silly ass and told the kids why.

Why is it that men who stay and fight for their marriages get hammered for it but women who fight for their marriages do not? Every situation is different. In the end if a couple thinks they can work through the problems, I wish them well. Especially if they have kids. ThAt kind of upheaval can damage them for years.

One answer: 11/04/2016 07:17

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't hide my pregnancy.

A man who stays and "fights for his marriage" is either already raising another man's child or probably will wind up doing so. That makes him a fool and the target of well-deserved contempt.

Wait, so the assumption is every woman who has an affair has an illegitimate child? And is raised by the DH? Um, OK... By the way, many women who have affairs are older-- they are in their 40s and 50s and done with child-rearing.

No, dummy, every man who stays with a cheating woman COULD be forced to raise an illegitimate child if he is not doing so already. That is why a man who stays with a cheating woman is rightly regarded with contempt.

"By the way, many women who have affairs are older-- they are in their 40s and 50s and done with child-rearing." -- By the way, this is irrelevant.

I think PP is pointing out that a woman in her 40s having an affair is not having any bastard children with AP. Personally I think cheating men and women are equally disgusting and despicable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a special one for you.

DH's longterm affair partner by accident has found herself at the same playground where I took my kids. She was there with their four-year old daughter. My kids are six years and 18 months old.

My six-year old started playing merrily with her daughter. I didn't even notice the mom. When it's time to leave, I bundle the little one in the stroller and start walking, my six-year old is trotting ahead on the path. The little girl zooms after my son and starts crying, asking him not to leave. The mother begins to walk after me. I say, off hand, they certainly seem to have connected, don't they. Yes, she says, they are siblings. I dismiss it as someone's bad English.

Come home that night, tell my husband an amusing story. And he says yes, it's true. They really ARE siblings. The disgusting duo has been playing around since before we got married. Had a child with her when my son was barely two, "because we were fighting all the time and I wasn't sure the marriage would survive." Has been basically maintaining a second family ever since then. Has been taking my son there so he can have a "relationship with his sister." My five-year old knew before I knew.

I want to go rent a bazooka and mow them all down.

So sorry, OP. Your pain is so understandable. You know that the best thing is to separate as much as you can from him. No contact, as much as is humanly possible. Such an act (or acts, really) require deep deep deception and abusiveness. You have my sympathies.

Life will be better when you have as much separation as possible. Hope you have visited an attorney and have a plan in place to gain as much custody as possible. I know the thought of anything less than 100% isn't ideal, but better that you provide your kids 50% of their time with a parent who is normal than 100% of their time with a parent who is, basically, a psychopath.

[Anonymous]

When exDH's AP found out he was cheating on her (with other AP). She called me and spilled the beans on him. She was a better detective than I was.....had followed him and hacked into his email. She was okay with him cheating on his wife with her but not, but not cheating on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a special one for you.

DH's longterm affair partner by accident has found herself at the same playground where I took my kids. She was there with their four-year old daughter. My kids are six years and 18 months old.

My six-year old started playing merrily with her daughter. I didn't even notice the mom. When it's time to leave, I bundle the little one in the stroller and start walking, my six-year old is trotting ahead on the path. The little girl zooms after my son and starts crying, asking him not to leave. The mother begins to walk after me. I say, off hand, they certainly seem to have connected, don't they. Yes, she says, they are siblings. I dismiss it as someone's bad English.

Come home that night, tell my husband an amusing story. And he says yes, it's true. They really ARE siblings. The disgusting duo has been playing around since before we got married. Had a child with her when my son was barely two, "because we were fighting all the time and I wasn't sure the marriage would survive." Has been basically maintaining a second family ever since then. Has been taking my son there so he can have a "relationship with his sister." My five-year old knew before I knew.

I want to go rent a bazooka and mow them all down.

When was this? Are you still married?

Monday night. Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My AP told me he was happy with his marriage when we had our first lunch date. He continued to tell me he was happy when were were in bed the next day and throughout our way too long affair. I never believed him. How could he be happy and also see me everyday and tell me he loved me? Was he really happy in in marriage? I was happy enough in mine but the sex with AP was amazing. Anyway - wifey hacked his secret email account the first time and found his burner phone the second. Not sure why she stayed with him I guess she is happy too.

Yes he was happy in his marriage. He told you what you wanted to hear so he could sleep with you.

So why did you sleep with him if you knew he was married at all, let alone "happily"? How does the conversation between married man and potential OW go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a special one for you.

DH's longterm affair partner by accident has found herself at the same playground where I took my kids. She was there with their four-year old daughter. My kids are six years and 18 months old.

My six-year old started playing merrily with her daughter. I didn't even notice the mom. When it's time to leave, I bundle the little one in the stroller and start walking, my six-year old is trotting ahead on the path. The little girl zooms after my son and starts crying, asking him not to leave. The mother begins to walk after me. I say, off hand, they certainly seem to have connected, don't they. Yes, she says, they are siblings. I dismiss it as someone's bad English.

Come home that night, tell my husband an amusing story. And he says yes, it's true. They really ARE siblings. The disgusting duo has been playing around since before we got married. Had a child with her when my son was barely two, "because we were fighting all the time and I wasn't sure the marriage would survive." Has been basically maintaining a second family ever since then. Has been taking my son there so he can have a "relationship with his sister." My five-year old knew before I knew.

I want to go rent a bazooka and mow them all down.

When was this? Are you still married?

Monday night. Yes.

Not PP, but...whoa. What are you gonna do?

[Anonymous]

Come home that night, tell my husband an amusing story. And he says yes, it's true. They really ARE siblings. The disgusting duo has been playing around since before we got married. Had a child with her when my son was barely two, "because we were fighting all the time and I wasn't sure the marriage would survive." Has been basically maintaining a second family ever since then. Has been taking my son there so he can have a "relationship with his sister." My five-year old knew before I knew.

Wow. You win.

Query, though - who did she think your son was at the park with? If she saw him there, wouldn't she have been shitting a brick looking around for the adult supposed to be with him, presuming she knew about your existence since she knew she didn't give birth to your son but that they shared a father?

That said, you win. My DH's AP is at least in her 50s, so there are no new kids that he's fathering unless he cheats on her or dumps her. Which would be another story, but it would certainly be interesting to see that little possible piece of theater unfold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe the toast story.

If I saw a picture like that on my DH's phone and knew he didn't send it to me, it would be pretty obvious there's someone he's very special friends with who's getting the picture of the toast, and he's not sending it to a guy or his mom or one of the kids, so ...

Anyway, I had a friend who was having an affair. They were both in their 40s but they acted like stupid kids. They sent each other secret flair on Facebook and he wrote out love song lyrics to her in longhand which she stored in a book. "Lady ... I'm your Knight in Shining Armor and I love You" etc. She was so proud showing them to me and all I could think was that they were both laughable morons. I felt sorry for all of them, including the guy's poor wife. Her problem wasn't the affair, it was that she had married and had children with a dumb man-child.

If I saw a picture of toast in my husband's phone it would never occur to me he sent it to anyone at all. It's toast! I'd assume he probably accidentally turned the camera on and snapped a pic of his toast while he was browsing his phone and eating. What kind of boring ass extramarital affair involves sending someone pictures of toast.. if you're going down, go down for something better than exchanging breakfast pics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a special one for you.

DH's longterm affair partner by accident has found herself at the same playground where I took my kids. She was there with their four-year old daughter. My kids are six years and 18 months old.

My six-year old started playing merrily with her daughter. I didn't even notice the mom. When it's time to leave, I bundle the little one in the stroller and start walking, my six-year old is trotting ahead on the path. The little girl zooms after my son and starts crying, asking him not to leave. The mother begins to walk after me. I say, off hand, they certainly seem to have connected, don't they. Yes, she says, they are siblings. I dismiss it as someone's bad English.

Come home that night, tell my husband an amusing story. And he says yes, it's true. They really ARE siblings. The disgusting duo has been playing around since before we got married. Had a child with her when my son was barely two, "because we were fighting all the time and I wasn't sure the marriage would survive." Has been basically maintaining a second family ever since then. Has been taking my son there so he can have a "relationship with his sister." My five-year old knew before I knew.

I want to go rent a bazooka and mow them all down.

Aww, I'm sorry that happened. I think there was a similar story in my family. My half-brothers spilled the beans on my dad when they met me (I was about 1 at the time). At least, that's the story my brothers tell me. My dad is deceased. To her credit, although I've run into my brothers' mother a handful of times, she was always nice to me. I had no idea about the backstory until I was much older. I did know that I was 4 when my parents married, but that's it.