If you cheated how did you get caught?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.

Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.

I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!

Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.

Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.

But things not going well in the marriage isn't related to cheating. There are socially sanctioned ways of coping with a marriage that isn't going well. They include divorce or trying to fix things. Cheating doesn't fix the marriage problems, it provides a short-term escape, nothing more.

[Anonymous]

not me, but my SIL figured it out when she discovered my brother sent 3,000 in one month to an unfamiliar number. She called it and AP spilled everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not me, but my SIL figured it out when she discovered my brother sent 3,000 in one month to an unfamiliar number. She called it and AP spilled everything.

3,000 what? Texts? Dollars? Dick pics?

[Anonymous]

I believe the toast story.

If I saw a picture like that on my DH's phone and knew he didn't send it to me, it would be pretty obvious there's someone he's very special friends with who's getting the picture of the toast, and he's not sending it to a guy or his mom or one of the kids, so ...

Anyway, I had a friend who was having an affair. They were both in their 40s but they acted like stupid kids. They sent each other secret flair on Facebook and he wrote out love song lyrics to her in longhand which she stored in a book. "Lady ... I'm your Knight in Shining Armor and I love You" etc. She was so proud showing them to me and all I could think was that they were both laughable morons. I felt sorry for all of them, including the guy's poor wife. Her problem wasn't the affair, it was that she had married and had children with a dumb man-child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.

Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.

I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!

Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.

Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.

You are kidding right... why would one person go outside the marriage if it is good. You don't know that happily married people cheat, lie, drink too much, etc. You think if you are happily married nothing bad happens in your life and you never do anything bad.

Or maybe they are happy with the marriage and ...

they have sex because that is how their self esteem has always be qualified.
Or maybe they have impulsiveness issues and just can't stop themselves.
or maybe they are depressed and they think an affair will fix it but it doesn't
or maybe they have anxieties and the high of an affair makes that feeling go away for a minute, of course like alcohol you wake up even more anxious.

sometimes there is no shit on the shoe ...

he says he is unhappy because you won't have an affair with him if he admits to being happy... it's the bait and you swallowed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH got suspicious when he noticed my best lingerie missing for a business trip. Two days later he saw an incriminating email. I was in a terrible place internally. My life was so dark and my marriage was so lonely and lifeless. I have so much guilt and shame. My DH has stayed with me and kept our family together and I will always be grateful for that. We are in a better place now. Not great but better and working on it every day. I learned so much

Your husband is a cuck..I would have dropped your silly ass and told the kids why.

Why is it that men who stay and fight for their marriages get hammered for it but women who fight for their marriages do not? Every situation is different. In the end if a couple thinks they can work through the problems, I wish them well. Especially if they have kids. ThAt kind of upheaval can damage them for years.

One answer: 11/04/2016 07:17

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't hide my pregnancy.

A man who stays and "fights for his marriage" is either already raising another man's child or probably will wind up doing so. That makes him a fool and the target of well-deserved contempt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH got suspicious when he noticed my best lingerie missing for a business trip. Two days later he saw an incriminating email. I was in a terrible place internally. My life was so dark and my marriage was so lonely and lifeless. I have so much guilt and shame. My DH has stayed with me and kept our family together and I will always be grateful for that. We are in a better place now. Not great but better and working on it every day. I learned so much

Your husband is a cuck..I would have dropped your silly ass and told the kids why.

Why is it that men who stay and fight for their marriages get hammered for it but women who fight for their marriages do not? Every situation is different. In the end if a couple thinks they can work through the problems, I wish them well. Especially if they have kids. ThAt kind of upheaval can damage them for years.

One answer: 11/04/2016 07:17

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't hide my pregnancy.

A man who stays and "fights for his marriage" is either already raising another man's child or probably will wind up doing so. That makes him a fool and the target of well-deserved contempt.

Wait, so the assumption is every woman who has an affair has an illegitimate child? And is raised by the DH? Um, OK... By the way, many women who have affairs are older-- they are in their 40s and 50s and done with child-rearing.

[Anonymous]

child-bearing. Still possibly rearing kids in her 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH got suspicious when he noticed my best lingerie missing for a business trip. Two days later he saw an incriminating email. I was in a terrible place internally. My life was so dark and my marriage was so lonely and lifeless. I have so much guilt and shame. My DH has stayed with me and kept our family together and I will always be grateful for that. We are in a better place now. Not great but better and working on it every day. I learned so much

Your husband is a cuck..I would have dropped your silly ass and told the kids why.

Why is it that men who stay and fight for their marriages get hammered for it but women who fight for their marriages do not? Every situation is different. In the end if a couple thinks they can work through the problems, I wish them well. Especially if they have kids. ThAt kind of upheaval can damage them for years.

One answer: 11/04/2016 07:17

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't hide my pregnancy.

A man who stays and "fights for his marriage" is either already raising another man's child or probably will wind up doing so. That makes him a fool and the target of well-deserved contempt.

Wait, so the assumption is every woman who has an affair has an illegitimate child? And is raised by the DH? Um, OK... By the way, many women who have affairs are older-- they are in their 40s and 50s and done with child-rearing.

No, dummy, every man who stays with a cheating woman COULD be forced to raise an illegitimate child if he is not doing so already. That is why a man who stays with a cheating woman is rightly regarded with contempt.

"By the way, many women who have affairs are older-- they are in their 40s and 50s and done with child-rearing." -- By the way, this is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH got suspicious when he noticed my best lingerie missing for a business trip. Two days later he saw an incriminating email. I was in a terrible place internally. My life was so dark and my marriage was so lonely and lifeless. I have so much guilt and shame. My DH has stayed with me and kept our family together and I will always be grateful for that. We are in a better place now. Not great but better and working on it every day. I learned so much

Your husband is a cuck..I would have dropped your silly ass and told the kids why.

Why is it that men who stay and fight for their marriages get hammered for it but women who fight for their marriages do not? Every situation is different. In the end if a couple thinks they can work through the problems, I wish them well. Especially if they have kids. ThAt kind of upheaval can damage them for years.

One answer: 11/04/2016 07:17

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't hide my pregnancy.

A man who stays and "fights for his marriage" is either already raising another man's child or probably will wind up doing so. That makes him a fool and the target of well-deserved contempt.

Wait, so the assumption is every woman who has an affair has an illegitimate child? And is raised by the DH? Um, OK... By the way, many women who have affairs are older-- they are in their 40s and 50s and done with child-rearing.

No, dummy, every man who stays with a cheating woman COULD be forced to raise an illegitimate child if he is not doing so already. That is why a man who stays with a cheating woman is rightly regarded with contempt.

"By the way, many women who have affairs are older-- they are in their 40s and 50s and done with child-rearing." -- By the way, this is irrelevant.

If you leave your wife, you will most likely end up with a woman who has children already and you ... are raising another man's child while another man raises yours.

Not saying that is bad, it's just how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife bought new phone, she was transferring still DD from her old one but didn't complete it. I remember her stressing that all her messages and photos wouldn't move over - ironically she never asked me to help.

Her old one was out and plugged in and an alarm kept going off. I was like a message ring or a little tune. It was annoying so I picked it up and found the txt messages. Photos she sent him, messages saying how she used to do stuff to avoid having sex and the tactics she used, how she dislike me. I knew we had some rough times but things were improving, so I thought. Painful to read. I guess since it was attached to WiFi it just downloaded them or synced or something. They were older ones and I knew there were newer ones but she wouldn't let me see them or said they weren't there. Pretty damaging to the ego.

Would it hurt your ego if you found out she was an alcoholic. Really it is not different. She has terrible coping mechanisms and she uses new men to make her feel better, this has nothing to do with you.

Except she was getting dicked by another guy. I can help her through a drinking problem, not the ultimate betrayal

That is where you are wrong. You can't help her through a drinking problem. She is the only one that can stop drinking. Families try to help (enable) and it goes horribly wrong.

I am not saying to help her, she needs to help herself. But this has nothing to do with you. She needs to fix herself. She will cheat on you again or the next guy or the next 10 guys until she fixes herself.

It feels like she is rejecting you but that is not what is going on ... she is destroying herself, you are collateral damage.

Wrong, she has no respect for me and she's a whore..end of stiry

[Anonymous]

We were on a family vacation with my parents and siblings. He ducked out to bed early one night. I found him asleep with the phone in his hand. As I picked it up to move to the night stand, a "good night. I love you" text came in, so I read the whole chain (or as much as I could stomach). We tried to reconcile for a bit (read: he started deleting his texts and using another email account to communicate with her) and then I came across 1-800 Flowers purchases on the credit card statement. He was a real romantic.

[Anonymous]

We got into an argument and she left without her purse. I went theough it and didn't find anything. I went through it a second time and found magnum condoms and explicit written notes in a small zippered side pocket. This was her second affair that I was aware of at the time and we got divorced.

In moving out her stuff I found evidence of other affairs thoughout our 9 year relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No. Research. It does not matter how good or bad a marriage is cheating happens at the same rate.

Mental illness, personality disorders, alcoholism, PTSD, bad coping mechanisms are all predictors of cheating.

I think it is very hard for people to take responsibility for their own actions, they always want to blame others. You should try to stop blaming others, you will increase your happiness level. good luck!

Cheating research is reliably bad. Cheaters lie to pretend things are worse, and those cheated upon lie to pretend that everything was heavenly. It wasn't. How can things be good if one person is willing to go outside the marriage, and one person thinks things aren't going well? It might be they have horrible communication skills, or it might mean the other spouse has horrible observational skills. But it never means the marriage is going well. Even if just ONE spouse is really unhappy, the marriage isn't doing well.

Just because you didn't notice the smell doesn't mean there isn't shit on your shoe.

You are kidding right... why would one person go outside the marriage if it is good. You don't know that happily married people cheat, lie, drink too much, etc. You think if you are happily married nothing bad happens in your life and you never do anything bad.

Or maybe they are happy with the marriage and ...

they have sex because that is how their self esteem has always be qualified.
Or maybe they have impulsiveness issues and just can't stop themselves.
or maybe they are depressed and they think an affair will fix it but it doesn't
or maybe they have anxieties and the high of an affair makes that feeling go away for a minute, of course like alcohol you wake up even more anxious.

sometimes there is no shit on the shoe ...

he says he is unhappy because you won't have an affair with him if he admits to being happy... it's the bait and you swallowed it.

My AP told me he was happy with his marriage when we had our first lunch date. He continued to tell me he was happy when were were in bed the next day and throughout our way too long affair. I never believed him. How could he be happy and also see me everyday and tell me he loved me? Was he really happy in in marriage? I was happy enough in mine but the sex with AP was amazing. Anyway - wifey hacked his secret email account the first time and found his burner phone the second. Not sure why she stayed with him I guess she is happy too.

[Anonymous]

My husband left his email open and took the kids to pool. Within ten minutes I found a handful of incriminating emails. Idiot.