decent women my own age to date don't exist

[Anonymous]

Many of the women around age 40 getting divorced are dealing with more childcare on less income, difficulty in balancing work with childcare, and exes who are narcissistic and who make as little time for the kids as possible. It is hard to fit in dating, hobbies and fitness in all that. No wonder you can't find them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, we do exist. Female, divorcee, 48 with kid at home -- I set up an OKC profile to see what was out there and was bombarded by men who ranged from mid-60s to 22. Few had heeded my advice on what attributes I was looking for (they were WILDLY incompatible in age, political party, location, religion, interests, etc.) and some became rude when I declined to chat. I was called a troll, accused of being ugly in the face (am not but decided to start with just a head to toes pic that garnered compliments from many), accused of being a plant to drum up business and accused of being racist. Some suggested doing things to me that I might have enjoyed hearing from a longterm partner but that sound gross as a pickup line. Finally went dormant after 3 days and much chickening out as I am still in a complicated situation. So, we are there but have to wade through the muck to connect.

I feel better about my OKC profile now. I just don't respond to the messages that come in. Figure I would just get into some sort of back and forth if I even responded to say thanks but no thanks.

[Anonymous]

Date whom you want. If you're not into women your own age because they're bitter, dried up, whatever, move on. No woman wants a guy who is not into her anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, we do exist. Female, divorcee, 48 with kid at home -- I set up an OKC profile to see what was out there and was bombarded by men who ranged from mid-60s to 22. Few had heeded my advice on what attributes I was looking for (they were WILDLY incompatible in age, political party, location, religion, interests, etc.) and some became rude when I declined to chat. I was called a troll, accused of being ugly in the face (am not but decided to start with just a head to toes pic that garnered compliments from many), accused of being a plant to drum up business and accused of being racist. Some suggested doing things to me that I might have enjoyed hearing from a longterm partner but that sound gross as a pickup line. Finally went dormant after 3 days and much chickening out as I am still in a complicated situation. So, we are there but have to wade through the muck to connect.

I feel better about my OKC profile now. I just don't respond to the messages that come in. Figure I would just get into some sort of back and forth if I even responded to say thanks but no thanks.

you need to get on a much better dating site. OKC is full of not serious trolls. Try chemistry.com

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think your perception is off. I'm almost 50 and happily married. I have several close friends who are in their 40s and 50s and divorced. They say they want to date and eventually remarry, but their actions aren't leading towards that goal. They aren't staying in shape, sorry ladies but it is important to most men married or not. They walk around looking mad at the world. They blame everything on their ex. It's exhausting for me sometimes, and I truly love them.

I think there are women out there for you. I do not think you'll find them in DC. Look outside of larger cities where people are less jaded and more interested in you as a person. I think dating a 20-something is a horrible idea. I have daughters that age. I adore them, but their life experience is very limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, we do exist. Female, divorcee, 48 with kid at home -- I set up an OKC profile to see what was out there and was bombarded by men who ranged from mid-60s to 22. Few had heeded my advice on what attributes I was looking for (they were WILDLY incompatible in age, political party, location, religion, interests, etc.) and some became rude when I declined to chat. I was called a troll, accused of being ugly in the face (am not but decided to start with just a head to toes pic that garnered compliments from many), accused of being a plant to drum up business and accused of being racist. Some suggested doing things to me that I might have enjoyed hearing from a longterm partner but that sound gross as a pickup line. Finally went dormant after 3 days and much chickening out as I am still in a complicated situation. So, we are there but have to wade through the muck to connect.

I feel better about my OKC profile now. I just don't respond to the messages that come in. Figure I would just get into some sort of back and forth if I even responded to say thanks but no thanks.

you need to get on a much better dating site. OKC is full of not serious trolls. Try chemistry.com

On my way to try it now. Have tried Zooks(seriously awful men on there and website is confusing), Bumble(I don't think 1/2 the guys are real on there and ran into a scammer) and OKC(I agree mostly guys looking for ass). Other thing about OKC and everyone must do this. Use google chrome and right click on their picture. Then a menu shows up and go to search google for images. I can spend hours picking off fake user on OKC and I report them. I would say about 1/2 of them are fake or some sort of scammer

[Anonymous]

People in their forties who have never been married or in a serious, long term partnership have issues. Doesn't matter if they are male or female, they have issues. If they didn't have issues, they wouldn't still be left on the shelf. It's like shopping a clearance sale. You can find a good deal, but you have to shop.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman in my late 40s and have no problem finding men in their 20s and 30s either. But I've broken up with every one of them, even the good guys, because we didn't have enough life experiences in common. People our age have baggage and I'm okay with some baggage but not other. So I don't mind kids but I won't waste my time with someone who blames or complains about their ex nonstop. Some people-- male or female-- get bitter or staid with age.

[Anonymous]

Do YOU complain about stuff all the time though--do you bring up your divorce? Complain about work? Like attracts like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in their forties who have never been married or in a serious, long term partnership have issues. Doesn't matter if they are male or female, they have issues. If they didn't have issues, they wouldn't still be left on the shelf. It's like shopping a clearance sale. You can find a good deal, but you have to shop.

But sometimes you find an undented AllClad sauce pot at Marshalls on the clearance shelf. It is worth looking just in case a jem has been missed.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other posters that mainstream dating sites like Tinder, Match, OKC tend to favor a much younger, urbanite population, many of whom are not looking for something serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in their forties who have never been married or in a serious, long term partnership have issues. Doesn't matter if they are male or female, they have issues. If they didn't have issues, they wouldn't still be left on the shelf. It's like shopping a clearance sale. You can find a good deal, but you have to shop.

I'm happily married, but disagree with this statement. I have a few friends who are unmarried because marriage was never a huge goal for them. Marrying and having kids is not the end-all-be-all for everyone, and good for those who are smart enough to recognize that it is not what they want instead of just blindly following the path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in their forties who have never been married or in a serious, long term partnership have issues. Doesn't matter if they are male or female, they have issues. If they didn't have issues, they wouldn't still be left on the shelf. It's like shopping a clearance sale. You can find a good deal, but you have to shop.

I'm happily married, but disagree with this statement. I have a few friends who are unmarried because marriage was never a huge goal for them. Marrying and having kids is not the end-all-be-all for everyone, and good for those who are smart enough to recognize that it is not what they want instead of just blindly following the path.

Yes, but generally those people aren't on OKC, Match, etc. trying to get dates.

I am not the PP but I did post before about being single (divorced) in this time frame, and almost every woman I dated >35 who was "never married" (to include long-term relationships, not just marriage) but was pretty insistent it was something she wanted, there were reasons (mostly self-sabotage and fear of emotional intimacy) that interfered. I don't think it's related to gender at all. I did date a few divorced women who were very clear they didn't really want to get married again, and were happy being "single" but wanted someone to do things (to include sex) with, and I never encountered the same kinds of wacky "getting to close" freakouts. Easy, natural friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in their forties who have never been married or in a serious, long term partnership have issues. Doesn't matter if they are male or female, they have issues. If they didn't have issues, they wouldn't still be left on the shelf. It's like shopping a clearance sale. You can find a good deal, but you have to shop.

But sometimes you find an undented AllClad sauce pot at Marshalls on the clearance shelf. It is worth looking just in case a jem has been missed.

Couldn't read past this without giving some appreciation for a fantastic answer. I once found an odd shaped table cloth that was the exact dimensions I had been looking for with no luck at Pottery Barn and the like, in the color I wanted.

[Anonymous]

At 45, I don't think I'd want to date a woman in her 20s -- unless she was extraordinarily mature and wise for her years. Yes, she might be more "optimistic," but that's only because reality hasn't wacked her over the head yet.