decent women my own age to date don't exist

[Anonymous]

cool story, bro.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I wouldn't consider a person in their twenties (!) as a viable potential partner. There's too much difference in perspective and experience. I would question the motivations of someone in their twenties dating someone so much older (daddy issues, for example). Plus people in their twenties have much to figure out!

Where and how do you meet women? Go to professional networking events. Ask friends to set you up. Go to lectures, gallery openings etc. If you're meeting women at bars it should come as no surprise that they're drinkers.

Also, take it easy on your peers. Women deal with a lot of crap, particularly as they pass forty. Pressure plus sexism plus ageism (alive and well in the dating scene, as we can see) can certainly be upsetting. I understand not wanting to be around a chronic complainer, but sometimes people have gripes that are justified. Remember: we're all human. And no one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Remember that your 20 something girlfriend who wants to get married, probably will want babies too. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a ton of awesome women in their 40's. They take care of themselves, make good money and have great lives. I only know a couple of negative nellies. Sometimes 40-something dating gets us down. Sounds like you haven't tried very hard and are looking for justification/approval to date a much younger woman.

I have to agree with this. Most of the women I know in their forties are just lovely people and don't fit your description at all. Though maybe it's the particular women you're meeting in the online dating world - it might be better to be fixed up by a mutual friend. But I'm wondering if it's more about you and your own need to feel young and vital at midlife.

Look, if you feel a connection with this woman in her twenties (please don't call her "girl", ugh) then there's probably nothing wrong with dating her. I don't know, I haven't seen this played out in real life - most people I know are with women their own age. Just recognize that you're in completely different places in life and give it time to see how this impacts your relationship. Is she early twenties or late twenties? If she's young enough to be your daughter then I must admit that turns my stomach a bit.

[Anonymous]

Have you played any coed sports lately Mr Active?
There are lots of happy active single ladies in my coed sports leagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm going to get hateful comments about this but Just feel like expressing this out loud....

I'm a man in my mid-40s. I've been divorced for about 6 years now. The first year after the divorce I didn't date but when I did start to date I met a few nice women in their mid-to-late 30s but it didn't work out. Either one or both of us were busy with jobs or my job was relocating me and it was too early in the relationship for either of us to upend things. As I moved into my mid-40s I've noticed the women in their mid-late 30 are less interested but I've met a couple in their 20s. I've been worried about long-term relationships with someone that much younger but I simply don't see any viable women that are in their 40s. Part of the reason is the women in their 40s have less optimistic attitudes. They just act grumpy and complain about stuff all the time. A lot of them have let themselves go even beyond normal aging. I'm also noticing that a lot of women in their 40 who are divorced really like to drink as their pass time. The whole lifestyle doesn't fit for me. I'm still active and optimistic and they appear to have settled into a routine that involves a pet and their favorite wine (I don't drink).

It feels like there is a dearth of viable long term female 40 something-ish women who can potentially make good long-term partner/wife.

Has anyone else out there experienced the same issue?

There is one girl that is in her 20s and she has been hinting that she would like to be exclusive (hinting shes interested in marriage, etc.) and I'm thinking that maybe I should forget what other people would think and just go for it.

This is your problem. When "a lot" of women in their 40s look "aged", perhaps you need to adjust your expectations of what is "normal"?

[Anonymous]

This is lame. They absolutely exist, you're either not looking in the right places, or you are projecting a jerky or creepy vibe so the good ones are steering clear. Join a club doing something you love to do, spend time with groups of friends, that's how you meet quality people. Don't categorize women in lame categories based on how they appeal to you. It's douchey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:cool story, bro.

This.

OP, your focus on age is strange. Have you met a woman you really like? I bet you've never been in love.

20+ age difference is not great regardless of public opinion. Doable if you're loaded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Remember that your 20 something girlfriend who wants to get married, probably will want babies too. Do you?

Yup, do what you want, but this path probably leads to being a 50-something dad of babies. Just FYI.

[Anonymous]

Reasonable expectations are important, but for God's sake care about how you look. I for instance am in the market for a woman who roughly looks old enough to be my daughter's mother, not her grandmother.

[Anonymous]

I find it creepy that when you talk about women in their 40's, you appropriate refer to them as "women" yet when you start talking about the 20-something, you refer to her as a "girl".

[Anonymous]

I know tons of happy, fit and positive women in their 40's (and 50's, gasp!). Naturally, someone with more life experience is going to have a different outlook on life than someone with less life experience. Particularly if that person has dealt with some of the more challenging aspects of life already, such as marriage and raising children.

Do you think a 20-something-year-old who has never been married has any clue about what it takes to build a happy and lasting marriage? I know I didn't at that age, nor did I in my early 30's before I was actually married.

If you want to date younger women just because, then that's fine, but own it. Don't go around bashing an entire group of women based on their age in order to make yourself feel better about your choices.

P.S., the 20-something will age and gain life experience just like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Women in their 20's and 30's often do want to get married and have children. We have quite a few divorced dads and moms in our circles. I was a bit surprised to see many of the guys in their early 40's actually dating older women. They all dated 20's and 30's women for short periods of time but these men already have children and do not want more. Other men do date younger women, mostly in their 30's, and they have second families.

it's up to you what you want.

[Anonymous]

Man here - OK, women in their 40's aren't going to have bodies like someone in their twenties especially if they have had kids. But they can still be incredibly attractive and great in bed. But a twenty something is a generation apart from you and that will always be true. A problem with women in their 40's is that many are divorced and could have a ton of baggage. But you're divorced so you may have a ton of baggage so the playing field on that one is even. A woman in her late thirties or forties is likely done with having kids (still raising them) but has a view of a future time line that should be compatible with yours. My guess is that you are in a mid-life crisis and want to "be young again." So date the twenty something and ask her who Monika Lewinsky is and when she says "I don't know"....move on.

[Anonymous]

You really want to be with someone 20 years younger than you? What would you even have to talk about? You'd be from different generations.

Keep looking for someone nearer your age. She's out there. You will find her if you keep searching.