Should step-parents be on the hook to fund college for step-kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked that you think he has any money left with 4 kids and $100k income. He has no obligation to them but will need to save enough for retirement to support both him and spouse. If he made more, then it would be nice for him to contribute, but again, he is not obligated.

True but he'll still have to co-sign all the loans as breadwinner. Nobody gives $10k 25k 60k loans a year to an 18yo without job or credit history.

If I were in the step-parent's shoes I'd do everything possible to make sure the step-kids were excelling in the classroom to position them for scholarships to lower tier local colleges. Or make sure they know the stats they need for the well-publisized automatic full ride at for example, University Alabama (3.5 GPA+, 30+ ACT): http://scholarships.ua.edu/types/out-of-state.php

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked that you think he has any money left with 4 kids and $100k income. He has no obligation to them but will need to save enough for retirement to support both him and spouse. If he made more, then it would be nice for him to contribute, but again, he is not obligated.

True but he'll still have to co-sign all the loans as breadwinner. Nobody gives $10k 25k 60k loans a year to an 18yo without job or credit history.

If I were in the step-parent's shoes I'd do everything possible to make sure the step-kids were excelling in the classroom to position them for scholarships to lower tier local colleges. Or make sure they know the stats they need for the well-publisized automatic full ride at for example, University Alabama (3.5 GPA+, 30+ ACT): http://scholarships.ua.edu/types/out-of-state.php

He doesn't have to do that either.

[Anonymous]

Nah. Stepparents have no moral obligation to pay for stepkids. That's all on the bioparents.

[Anonymous]

If they can't afford college for the oldest pair why'd they have two more babies? Germany has laws that parents have to pay for education and health care until age 25.

[Anonymous]

OP, if they have young kids and mom isn't making much, it may be a lifestyle choice where its better for her to stay home vs. work. Child care may cost as much as her income.

[doodlebug]

If you don't want to contribute to a step child's financial needs, then don't marry a person who already has children. It's a simple as that. You marry the parent, you marry the minor children.

I had to wait until I was 23 to get student loans (and by extension to attend college more than one class at a time) because that's the when the parents income is no longer considered for financial aid. My stepfathers income precluded me from getting aid and my parents weren't interested in contributing. I don't feel like parents OWE their kids a higher education but I do think they should contribute as much as they can...if they can't afford to then the kid will qualify for financial aid and if the kid doesn't qualify that means the parents make enough to contribute something...even if it's just book money.

[Anonymous]

I feel that in this situation, where bio-dad checks out (like a deadbeat asshole, fwiw), and step-dad steps in, acts like a father, providing for the kids financially and presumably playing other parental roles in their lives, at that point he is the same obligations any parent has. He doesn't get to act like a parent except this one thing. If it was a situation where he doesn't think parents should be obligated to pay for college at all, that's one thing but it sounds to me like he just feels this is someone else's responsibility.

When you choose to become a parent, you don't get to choose to skip some parts. It doesn't work that way. This is a man who chose to marry a woman who already had children. He doesn't get to choose to bail on this part because you think it's someone else's problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer a few questions:

1. Bio dad is a deadbeat. Doesn't pay child support, if he does it's hit or miss and peanuts.

2. Step-dad does claim them on taxes, thus has received tax credits for 10-plus years.

3. Will step-dad pay for college for his own kids? His kids are 10 years younger than the step-kids, so easy for him to claim he won't.

That sucks. Since the child lives with mom and stepfather and is claimed as a dependent on their joint taxes, the stepfather's income (which is the household income) will be included in the child's Fafsa calculation. At $100k of income, they probably won't qualify for much aid. I wonder if the child can prepare a letter to the financial aid offices of the colleges where is applying explaining the situation, to see if noteithstanding the expected family contribution from his Fafsa, if he is able to get some aid.

But, if mom has been SAH for all these years, the uni will calculate her contribution by what she could be making if she went back to work (usually $30k is the estimate). It's not just SD's salary.

[Anonymous]

At Georgetown Day School they'd likely qualify for half off tuition. Mom would be told to get a job to come up with the $20k owed. But from the tone of OP's post, I bet the step-father likes the power and ego boost of being the sole breadwinner.

I just ran a UVA net price calculator with OP's #s

UVA cost: $30k
UVA gift aid: $12k
UVA loan: $4.5k
Est. family contribution: $13k

Step-daddy would have to co-sign some loans if the kids want to go to a university.

[Anonymous]

I guess when he's old, if his wife dies before him he do t expect the step-kids to look after him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At Georgetown Day School they'd likely qualify for half off tuition. Mom would be told to get a job to come up with the $20k owed. But from the tone of OP's post, I bet the step-father likes the power and ego boost of being the sole breadwinner.

I just ran a UVA net price calculator with OP's #s

UVA cost: $30k
UVA gift aid: $12k
UVA loan: $4.5k
Est. family contribution: $13k

Step-daddy would have to co-sign some loans if the kids want to go to a university.

How can this be right with four kids in the mix? $100K really isn't much when you factor in taxes and the five other people he is supporting ...

[Anonymous]

This guy makes 100K and has two stepkids and multiple kids of his own?

Depending on where he lives, and his expenses, he may have zero to contribute to college expenses. He may feel he needs to prioritize saving for his own retirement, and frankly I would feel he is right.

The OP seems to be assuming that his line is a lie and that he will pony up for his own kids but not the step-kids. I see no reason to assume that's the case.

The real asshole in this story is the kids' deadbeat dad.

Having kids does not mean you are vowing to send them to whatever college they wish. I don't see how his being a step-parent is relevant. Unless he was paying for his "own" kids but not his step kids, and I'd agree that would be wrong.

Not going to college does not mean your life is ruined. Give me a break. My brother didn't go to college and he makes more than I do, with my fancy masters degree in the liberal arts....

[Anonymous]

If they're broke after $100k why is the mom not working? Why did they have two additional kids? Irresponsible all around. FAFSA and every college is going to expect a large family contribution every year i.e. 'skin in the game'. Arguing or debating that is a waste of time. If they don't have any savings, you get loans. $13k*4 is $52k for UVA. Not a huge deal if the kids major in something with good prospects.

Also, deadbeat bio father is irrelevant. Step-parents know full well if the bio is a loser before they marry in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At Georgetown Day School they'd likely qualify for half off tuition. Mom would be told to get a job to come up with the $20k owed. But from the tone of OP's post, I bet the step-father likes the power and ego boost of being the sole breadwinner.

I just ran a UVA net price calculator with OP's #s

UVA cost: $30k
UVA gift aid: $12k
UVA loan: $4.5k
Est. family contribution: $13k

Step-daddy would have to co-sign some loans if the kids want to go to a university.

How can this be right with four kids in the mix? $100K really isn't much when you factor in taxes and the five other people he is supporting ...

They had 18 years to save a few grand a year, build up home equity, etc. If they didn't they need to get loans. $13k a year in loans isn't the end of the world ... unless nobody in your family will co-sign, as it sounds here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they can't afford college for the oldest pair why'd they have two more babies? Germany has laws that parents have to pay for education and health care until age 25.

We don't live in Germany. Not all parents pay for college. It is not stepdad's kid. He has no obligation, mom does and even so mom is not obligated. Many parents don't pay for college. My husband did military at 18 as he has no other option.