Should step-parents be on the hook to fund college for step-kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked my way through college. Never expected anyone to pay my way.

This is not possible now. Look at how college costs have gone up. Even if you do 2 years at CC and transfer to a state school.

Not the PP. It depends on when you went to college. I went before minimum wage hit $3 and the relative costs to earnings is about the same today. It's hard but if you work and don't waste money it's doable.

Not when both are adjusted for inflation. It's not even close, actually, because the minimum wage has lagged behind inflation since then while college costs (even at public universities) have far outpaced it.

I'm using a new phone &, being technologically impaired, can't figure out to copy & paste links on it but just Google "inflation adjusted cost of college relative to minimum wage" (or something similiar) & tons of articles about this from reputable sources will come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids are there total here? You say kids and step kids so at least 4? If so with $100k income and 4 kids there is probably not anything left over to contribute to college. Your sister needs to go back to work to help pay for all her kids college if this is important to her.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked my way through college. Never expected anyone to pay my way.

Really?! Because it's not fucking possible to pay a college tuition bill, in full and room- board (even off campus cheap) with something in the 30k range, how many 18 year olds make that without putting in say 50 hours at 3 jobs?!

Excuses, excuses. It is possible if you're a hard-worker and motivated. Clearly you are neither.

Not that poster, but I know many people who did it. Recently. The difference is, they started at community college, and it took them 6-10 years to finish. Working full time doesn't leave easy spaces in your schedule to fit classes in. And it's not your typical college experience. But yes, they did it. They won't be saddled with crippling debt.

I don't know any typically middle class kid who got a classic college experience in the last 15 years without crippling loans.

[Anonymous]

No obligation
My parents did not pay for my college

Step parent does not have any obligations to the kids.
talk to the bio dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer a few questions:

1. Bio dad is a deadbeat. Doesn't pay child support, if he does it's hit or miss and peanuts.

2. Step-dad does claim them on taxes, thus has received tax credits for 10-plus years.

3. Will step-dad pay for college for his own kids? His kids are 10 years younger than the step-kids, so easy for him to claim he won't.

And? By your own admission he's the only person supporting these children. He absolutely should be taking the tax deduction based on everyone he is supporting.

If you think a parent is obligated to pay for college, then your issue should be with their mother and bio father. Not the man who has financially provided for them all these years and still has to financially provide for an adult woman and other minor children. He is supporting at least 6 people, including himself, on a 100k salary. Where do you think this money for college is going to come from?

[Anonymous]

The self-interest in this is preventing failure to launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer a few questions:

1. Bio dad is a deadbeat. Doesn't pay child support, if he does it's hit or miss and peanuts.

2. Step-dad does claim them on taxes, thus has received tax credits for 10-plus years.

3. Will step-dad pay for college for his own kids? His kids are 10 years younger than the step-kids, so easy for him to claim he won't.

And? By your own admission he's the only person supporting these children. He absolutely should be taking the tax deduction based on everyone he is supporting.

If you think a parent is obligated to pay for college, then your issue should be with their mother and bio father. Not the man who has financially provided for them all these years and still has to financially provide for an adult woman and other minor children. He is supporting at least 6 people, including himself, on a 100k salary. Where do you think this money for college is going to come from?

I agree. Maybe they've been round and round on this, and this is what they've decided together. I wouldn't put it all on the step dad.

[Anonymous]

My bio-dad made 140k when I went to college. I was an only child and he didn't pay for college. I got royally screwed with student loans. I kind of wish that I had waited until I turned 23 to go to college. Loans are terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Mom needed to have that convo with her ex. And if college for her kids was important to her, she should have been saving too.

Then she needed to have that convo with her current husband, before they married, and said she is prioritizing $xx a month for college for the kids. Either she'd work to earn it or he'd be ok with paying it.

If she hasn't done this, then don't blame the step dad.

+1 Step dad is a jerk, but the primary responsibility for this is their mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bio-dad made 140k when I went to college. I was an only child and he didn't pay for college. I got royally screwed with student loans. I kind of wish that I had waited until I turned 23 to go to college. Loans are terrible.

Yes. I paid my own way in college, but that was the late 80s, and working part-time paid it while I lived at home. No loans. A different world today. I understand parents who think kids should work their way through. I come from that background myself. But the game changer is the loans. They are crazy, and they kill (or at least seriously impeded) the ability to accumulate wealth over time, which is what we all counted on 30 years ago. And nobody talks to 18 year old kids about the ramifications of loan debt....

To the extent parents can pay for college, I think they should. But unfortunately there is going to be a generation or two where it's not planned for.



OP, you can chip in if it's that important to you. I knew my brother and his wife didn't prioritize college, either. I started a 529 fund for my nephew. It's never going to pay the whole thing, but it will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked my way through college. Never expected anyone to pay my way.

Really?! Because it's not fucking possible to pay a college tuition bill, in full and room- board (even off campus cheap) with something in the 30k range, how many 18 year olds make that without putting in say 50 hours at 3 jobs?!

Excuses, excuses. It is possible if you're a hard-worker and motivated. Clearly you are neither.

Those of us baby boomers who paid our own way did it. I had to work 60 and I had two jobs and lived frugally. Still had some loans too. But, the monthly payment was far less than the difference between what my post college and grad school job paid and minimum wage and they only lasted 10 years. Sometimes you have to suck it up and work instead of expecting everything to be given to you.

[Anonymous]

Did the BIL go to college? Sounds like he doesn't value education.

Haven't they been contributing to 529s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Mom needed to have that convo with her ex. And if college for her kids was important to her, she should have been saving too.

Then she needed to have that convo with her current husband, before they married, and said she is prioritizing $xx a month for college for the kids. Either she'd work to earn it or he'd be ok with paying it.

If she hasn't done this, then don't blame the step dad.

I have to agree with this one. The mom really needed to have that conversation. He does seem like a jerk but is the kids' bio dad paying his portion?

I look at it like this - Jack and Jill get married and they say they will be paying for their kids' college education in full. Jack and Jill divorce but they still want to pay for their kids' college education in full.

Jack marries Suzie. Suzie has two kids of her own. If Jack contributes to Suzie's kids' college education, he won't have as much money to pay for his bio kids' college.

Likewise, Jill marries David. David has two kids and those kids live with his wife. Before this, Jill saved hard so her kids wouldn't have to worry about paying college. David and his first wife didn't save anything for college, but now those kids are also thinking about college. Now David expects Jill to go into the savings she earmarked for her own children to pay a portion of his kids' college education.

So the two kids of Jack and Jill will no longer have their college paid for because even though their parents saved enough, it now has to be split 6 ways instead of 2.

Of course, every step-parent scenario differs but when there are multiple kids from the different wives/fathers involved I think it is best if you just pay for your biological kids.

Now if the step-dad doesn't have kids of his own and he's raised them since they were little, that is different.

I still think your BIL sounds like a jerk. And I also think if anything were to happen to my DH, I'm just going to wait to remarry (even if I do re-marry. The older I get, the less and less interest in remarriage I have) when my kids are grown.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked that you think he has any money left with 4 kids and $100k income. He has no obligation to them but will need to save enough for retirement to support both him and spouse. If he made more, then it would be nice for him to contribute, but again, he is not obligated.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like something clueless parents say without any idea of what college costs or how college funding works. I frequently hear the bootstraps crowd say it's savvy to go to the community college or local commuter university for a couple years and transfer, as if they're free. Community college is $5k for two semesters, commuter university is $10k-14k.