Should step-parents be on the hook to fund college for step-kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Mom needed to have that convo with her ex. And if college for her kids was important to her, she should have been saving too.

Then she needed to have that convo with her current husband, before they married, and said she is prioritizing $xx a month for college for the kids. Either she'd work to earn it or he'd be ok with paying it.

If she hasn't done this, then don't blame the step dad.

I agree with this completely. Why are we not blaming mom for putting herself and the kids in this position?

[Anonymous]

So the step dad has been supporting his wife and step kids since step kids were little and step kids benefited by having a mom who stayed home with them. Kids were way better off than being raised by poor single mom. What did mom do with child support payments from bio dad? Were there any? Stepdad has done plenty.

[Anonymous]

If stepkids are on the hook for caring for their stepparents (regardless of divorce) in old age, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the step dad has been supporting his wife and step kids since step kids were little and step kids benefited by having a mom who stayed home with them. Kids were way better off than being raised by poor single mom. What did mom do with child support payments from bio dad? Were there any? Stepdad has done plenty.

I think it's pretty callous to say, "Well, I worked so you could stay home with them, but that's all I'm going to do to support them." Was that discussed before mom decided to stay home? Because I promise you, if the arrangement of "You can stay home with them, but when they get to college, they're on their own" was presented to me, not only would I not be quitting my job to stay home, I would also happily be a "poor single mom" rather than a person married to someone who did not treat my children as though they were his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked my way through college. Never expected anyone to pay my way.

Really?! Because it's not fucking possible to pay a college tuition bill, in full and room- board (even off campus cheap) with something in the 30k range, how many 18 year olds make that without putting in say 50 hours at 3 jobs?!

Excuses, excuses. It is possible if you're a hard-worker and motivated. Clearly you are neither.

[Anonymous]

My daughter's stepmom quit including her in family vacations when she was six years old and never sent her so much as a birthday card. When the stepmom died, my daughter wasn't even mentioned in the obit. Frankly, I'm glad she's no longer in the picture (though I wouldn't wish her dead). My daughter's relationship with her father and her stepbrother has improved tenfold without the stepmom in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's stepmom quit including her in family vacations when she was six years old and never sent her so much as a birthday card. When the stepmom died, my daughter wasn't even mentioned in the obit. Frankly, I'm glad she's no longer in the picture (though I wouldn't wish her dead). My daughter's relationship with her father and her stepbrother has improved tenfold without the stepmom in the picture.

And, my husbands ex quit following the court ordered visitation and told the kids he was a deadbeat and would not allow them to see him. Funny, when we went to court, he had a $20,000 overpayment as she got several double payments and two kids should have been taken off child support. She continues to get retirement payments from him. She doesn't spend a dime of the child support on them or the extra. It goes both ways. The kids truly think he's a deadbeat and my favorite is that he cheated on her when she cheated on him and is still with the boyfriend, whom she's financially dependent on. My husband is dad when they want money but that's it. Sadly, the boyfriend didn't pay child support for his kids and they lived in true poverty.

There is not enough information about the situaiton and no one is obligated to pay for college. If anyone is, it is the biological parents.

[Anonymous]

The kids will be fine. They can start working in high school and summers, and study hard for scholarships, grants etc. They can start at Community college. It's not the end of the world. Her family can help if they worry about it.

Regardless of what many people thinks, it's not parents obligation to pay for college. The step dad has done a lot for the family. Mom, her family and bio dad families can step up to help.

[Anonymous]

OP, my guess is that it's also not a priority of the mom in this case. If it had been, she would have made better choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked my way through college. Never expected anyone to pay my way.

It's not 1982 anymore. Times have changed. The economics of paying for college have changed.

http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2014/04/the-myth-of-working-your-way-through-college/359735/

[Anonymous]

OP here. To answer a few questions:

1. Bio dad is a deadbeat. Doesn't pay child support, if he does it's hit or miss and peanuts.

2. Step-dad does claim them on taxes, thus has received tax credits for 10-plus years.

3. Will step-dad pay for college for his own kids? His kids are 10 years younger than the step-kids, so easy for him to claim he won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not required to...but what an asshole.

Yep. And the mom too if she goes along with him. I knew several middle-class kids when I was growing up, who got totally screwed over for college because of divorce (and parental selfishness).

What do you mean? When you say screwed, like really screwed and couldn't attend college and their life turned out crummy? ://

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer a few questions:

1. Bio dad is a deadbeat. Doesn't pay child support, if he does it's hit or miss and peanuts.

2. Step-dad does claim them on taxes, thus has received tax credits for 10-plus years.

3. Will step-dad pay for college for his own kids? His kids are 10 years younger than the step-kids, so easy for him to claim he won't.

That sucks. Since the child lives with mom and stepfather and is claimed as a dependent on their joint taxes, the stepfather's income (which is the household income) will be included in the child's Fafsa calculation. At $100k of income, they probably won't qualify for much aid. I wonder if the child can prepare a letter to the financial aid offices of the colleges where is applying explaining the situation, to see if noteithstanding the expected family contribution from his Fafsa, if he is able to get some aid.

[Anonymous]

If they were applying for financial aid at my son's private high school they'd firmly be told mommy needs to go get a job.

[Anonymous]

How many kids are there total here? You say kids and step kids so at least 4? If so with $100k income and 4 kids there is probably not anything left over to contribute to college. Your sister needs to go back to work to help pay for all her kids college if this is important to her.