Would you recommend having a 4th child at 41?

[Anonymous]

My friend just had her fourth at 40. She said it almost broke her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more thing, my girl was the second born of the 4, so I completely understand your wanting to try again for a girl. I definitely would feel like I was missing something had all 4 of mine been boys. Funny thing is my daughter is not a girly girl. She didn't go to prom, hasn't had a boyfriend yet, etc. so a lot of the "traditional" things you experience with a girl, I still haven't experienced.

Np. You do know your girl could be gay.

[Anonymous]

Op is probably in menopause by now. Old thread is Old

[Anonymous]

Why resurrect a four year old question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why resurrect a four year old question?

Not everyone looks at the date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice ... I'm 40, with 8, 4 and 2 year old sons. I don't feel like our family is complete, but that *may* be because I don't have a daughter. Four has always been my "max," so I'd definitely be done having children after my fourth, no matter the gender. I just worry I am too old. My husband is 44. We could financially do it...but we would have to work for 25 more years (which we're planning to do any way).

I just need some help working out my thoughts on the matter. Will I forever regret it if I don't have a fourth child or will I feel ready to move on from the parental role with children in my house in my late 50's? Also, I know adding another child takes away from my existing children but I also know adding one adds one more to love. But maybe this boat has left the dock and I really am pushing it age-wise (for a healthy pregnancy/child although my doctor did not seem to be concerned)? I appreciate any thoughts on the matter, especially if you had to make the same decision.

57 year old here with a 13 year old. Three is enough. Are you sure you have enough $$$$?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for helpful input. To the PP, we are planning to work for 25 more years but with a 4th finishing college in about 22 years, we would definitely have to work no matter what. I am trying to say that our flexibility would be altered.

Also, if I were to have this child, it would be next year when my kids would be 9,5,3. Not sure that is a big difference from the 4/2 year old scenario but it feels easier to me.

How do you know you could find lucrative work? The nature of work is changing.

[Anonymous]

Do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: 1.How does your husband feel about it?

2. What does your doctor say about it? How is your health? Do you have a history of difficult pregnancies?

3.. What is your plan for the kids should you and husband not be able to? It's tough to think about but care for 3 kids is a lot different than 4.

4. Are you and your husband okay with time off work? A 40 something is a lot different than a 30 something leaving.
It's not fair, but I've seen colleagues get sidelined for the younger colleagues after maternity/paternity leaves.

5. How would you feel if you had twins. That's a real possibility given your age. Are you game for 2 babies?

6. How would you feel if you had another son instead of a daughter?

7. How would you feel if the 4th child had special needs?

[Anonymous]

You could try adopting...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t not have a fourth just cause I was 41.

I think the big thing to get past is the “trying for a girl” thing. I think the question I’d ask myself is - if I were 100% certain this baby would be a boy, would I have a 4th? Only have a 4th if the answer is yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing, OP - Do you think you would ever really feel like you were done? I have five kids and for several years after my youngest was born, I felt like I wanted another. My blood pressure went up with my last pregnancy and never came down, so another baby would have been dangerous. Had that not been the case, we might have had one more. I was only 34 when my fifth was born. I think some of us just really feel that strong biological desire for kids more than others. I'm not sure I ever would have really felt done. (I definitely would have stopped at 6 for financial reasons.)

I am 50 now and have two grandbabies. Our kids are all out if the house except for one high school senior. I cannot imagine what life would be like with a young child. The desire to have another slowly faded as our youngest got older. I absolutely loved having a houseful of kids, but I'm also really happy in this new stage of life.

Just wondering what your height and weight are.

[Anonymous]

Just realized this is an old thread. Did you have your 4th, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice ... I'm 40, with 8, 4 and 2 year old sons. I don't feel like our family is complete, but that *may* be because I don't have a daughter. Four has always been my "max," so I'd definitely be done having children after my fourth, no matter the gender. I just worry I am too old. My husband is 44. We could financially do it...but we would have to work for 25 more years (which we're planning to do any way).

I just need some help working out my thoughts on the matter. Will I forever regret it if I don't have a fourth child or will I feel ready to move on from the parental role with children in my house in my late 50's? Also, I know adding another child takes away from my existing children but I also know adding one adds one more to love. But maybe this boat has left the dock and I really am pushing it age-wise (for a healthy pregnancy/child although my doctor did not seem to be concerned)? I appreciate any thoughts on the matter, especially if you had to make the same decision.

The risks of having a child at 40 are too high for me, both for the health of the child and for my own health. I am very healthy, but 40 is not 30, no matter how much you work out and eat healthfully. The risk of having a child with health and developmental problems is too high for me.

Gender preference is no reason to have a child.

And why oh why do people look to children to help them feel "complete"?

[Anonymous]

Be careful - your ovaries might be starting to play games and you could end up with both 4 and 5!