Would you recommend having a 4th child at 41?

[Anonymous]

One more thing, my girl was the second born of the 4, so I completely understand your wanting to try again for a girl. I definitely would feel like I was missing something had all 4 of mine been boys. Funny thing is my daughter is not a girly girl. She didn't go to prom, hasn't had a boyfriend yet, etc. so a lot of the "traditional" things you experience with a girl, I still haven't experienced.

[Anonymous]

My best friend had three boys, had a fourth a girl. She was also 40. Another had three boys, had a fourth ...a boy (all under age of 3, that's a different story!)

It definitely is a gamble, but if you have the energy for getting up in the middle of the night? Caring for three active boys after being up w a new baby?

Both friends love their big families and wouldn't change a thing. If you have the $$ and energy.....go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 is a lot easier than 4. When the kids get older and more involved with activities it gets very stressful having to drive them all and having to attend 3 games on the same day, etc. It's hard to find hotel rooms that accommodate 6 people. Traveling is more difficult. 3 is the perfect number of kids, in my opinion. The more you have the harder it gets. I speak from experience.

Mother of 4 here and I completely agree with this. Not sure what it was about 4 kids, but life got a lot more complicated once the 4th child came along. I love my kids dearly, but I only plan on having 1-2 in my next life. Kids are all older now thankfully (20, 18, 16 and 14), but that stretch while they were all school aged was really trying for me.

I'm a mom of three, occasionally considering a fourth, and these perspectives are so helpful. Our third is still an infant, but I'll be 40 soon, too. DH and I were just talking about it last night: in theory I'd love four, but in practice I think it would be too much for our family, unless I went to PT or changed career paths (or left altogether).

OP, I worry about having a child with SN or multiples, too. My first three are healthy but the odds do increase with age, and it's not easy, either way. I know that something could happen to any of our kids--or us--but it's still another variable to consider.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not recommend having a fourth. Enjoy your healthy, beautiful boys and count your blessings. Your kids are still young and you have many more years ahead of you! Some one has to be the last baby ( unless you are the Duggars and even then Josie looks like the last) so why not your 2 year old?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 boys and had my fourth child at 41, who happened to be a girl. They are now 21, 29, 17 and 12. I always wanted 4 and felt like our family was somehow incomplete until the 4th was born. No regrets at all but they sure cost a lot more money as they grow up - food, more expensive activities, college. Both my DH and I grew up in big families and enjoy the activity, chaos, etc. we also love the fact that we have a large extended family with lots of aunts and uncles and cousins.

[Anonymous]

PP here. My 4 are now 21, 19, 17 and 12.

[Anonymous]

At 41---with kids as young as yours: no way in hell!!!

Unless none of them play sports.

I have two boys that play one sport per season and we had 5 60 min soccer games this weekend. That is just two kids.

I'm 46, my boys are 8.5 and 11, the thought of losing sleep again and preschool, etc...yowza.

We travel a ton. It's easy. We aren't exhausted and we plan to retire in the next 10-years. 529s are maxed out, savings in place, etc.

[Anonymous]

My sister age 51 (now an empty nester) has three boys.

It's a misconception it will get easier. Some of her most trying times were middle school to HS.

She said stop by 40. It gets increasingly more demanding.

[Anonymous]

I had my third at 41. My first and second pregnancies at 37 and 39 were fine. Only sick the first trimester. The third i was ill the whole time till the minute he popped out. Such relief! That did us in for having a fourth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 is a lot easier than 4. When the kids get older and more involved with activities it gets very stressful having to drive them all and having to attend 3 games on the same day, etc. It's hard to find hotel rooms that accommodate 6 people. Traveling is more difficult. 3 is the perfect number of kids, in my opinion. The more you have the harder it gets. I speak from experience.

Mother of 4 here and I completely agree with this. Not sure what it was about 4 kids, but life got a lot more complicated once the 4th child came along. I love my kids dearly, but I only plan on having 1-2 in my next life. Kids are all older now thankfully (20, 18, 16 and 14), but that stretch while they were all school aged was really trying for me.

Agree. I'm also a mom to 4 (9, 7, 5, 10 months). I'm back in the baby stage (a very mobile crawler/standing, everything going in his mouth, baby proofing which I've been complacent about) again while trying to keep up with school and sports with the older kids
So tough. I feel bad for either compromising baby's nap or missing out with older kids.
Plus, keeping up the 1 on 1 time with each is tricky too.

Having said that, we love the baby to pieces and the kids are bonkers for him. It's just the cumulative effect on me that i need to be sure to handle gracefully.

[Anonymous]

ridiculous

And I say this as mother of two who had a second at 42.

Your family isn't complete? lol

Unless you're a Rockefeller, good luck with college. My friend has 6 kids and is regretting it right now b/c they can't even pay for the first one.

[Anonymous]

I say sure, go ahead and have another, if you want. Sounds like you have the energy, health, and money for it. Do think long and hard about how you'll feel having another boy. And take care of your health, because having babies in your 40s and then heading straight into the perimenopause years takes its toll.

[Anonymous]

If you think you'll regret not having another, I would go for it, but don't wait any longer in case you run into age-related trouble conceiving (shouldn't be a problem since you just had one two years ago, but you never know). Your kids are still young, so going "back to the baby stage" shouldn't be too hard. If you can afford it and have the energy, why not? Life is long, and surrounding yourself with family is never a bad thing. Good luck and enjoy that baby if he/she comes along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ridiculous

And I say this as mother of two who had a second at 42.

Your family isn't complete? lol

Unless you're a Rockefeller, good luck with college. My friend has 6 kids and is regretting it right now b/c they can't even pay for the first one.

This is such an unkind response. You have no idea what OP can or cannot afford, and laughing at someone's desire for a child (whether first or fourth) is rude and mean. You can share your thoughts without being so nasty.

[Anonymous]

OP here. First, thanks PP for sticking up for me. I am so thankful for the kind, as well as honest, responses.

There are so many nice ways to tell me what I'm considering is kind of crazy. I really appreciate the different perspectives. I turn 41 in December so by then I'll either be pregnant or done with childbearing. I certainly don't want to drag this out. My doctor thinks I'll be fine considering my last three pregnancies/deliveries (as much as she can predict of course), and my kids are in sports but we're pretty low key about that. We know we're not raising any Olympians here...just kids who like to run around and have fun. We are not near family but are considering a move to be near all four grandparents and that will help.

If you have more stories or advice to share, I'd love to read it. All in all, I feel like life will be great either way. I guess I'm mostly holding out hope for a little girl or confirmation that my husband and I only produce boys! I know if it is a boy, I will be slightly disappointed but that will be replaced with happiness that I got one more miracle in my family.