Would you recommend having a 4th child at 41?

[Anonymous]

I had my second at 40, a girl, and what a blessing she is, she has exceeded every expectation I ever had.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

If you really want a 4th child, do it. I think I’m more likely to regret not having as many children as I would have wanted than the opposite.

Or if you don’t feel “done” but don’t want to rush into it just because of the biological clock, maybe consider whether you might want to foster/adopt a few years down the road. Maybe a toddler or preschooler or older child rather than a newborn.

[Anonymous]

I have a child with special needs who I love dearly and wouldn’t change but damn would it be tough if he was one of four. Measure the higher risk of a child with special needs after 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think you're all stupid as hell for even having the first one.

You needed to dredge up a 4 year old thread to say this?

[Anonymous]

If you have more stories or advice to share, I'd love to read it. All in all, I feel like life will be great either way. I guess I'm mostly holding out hope for a little girl or confirmation that my husband and I only produce boys! I know if it is a boy, I will be slightly disappointed but that will be replaced with happiness that I got one more miracle in my family.

You want a girl. Think very clearly about this decision or consider IVF to guarantee a girl. In your OP and this comment, it's loud and clear.

[Anonymous]

I’m 43 and mildly regret not going for a 4th at age 36-40. I just worry about genetic issues at this point, even small stuff that doesn’t show up until later.

And of course being an old mom, old grandma, etc.

[Anonymous]

No, but I stopped at two because I was overwhelmed. You don't sound like me.

[Anonymous]

No - too risky regarding your health, and the possibility of Down Syndrome or other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice ... I'm 40, with 8, 4 and 2 year old sons. I don't feel like our family is complete, but that *may* be because I don't have a daughter. Four has always been my "max," so I'd definitely be done having children after my fourth, no matter the gender. I just worry I am too old. My husband is 44. We could financially do it...but we would have to work for 25 more years (which we're planning to do any way).

I just need some help working out my thoughts on the matter. Will I forever regret it if I don't have a fourth child or will I feel ready to move on from the parental role with children in my house in my late 50's? Also, I know adding another child takes away from my existing children but I also know adding one adds one more to love. But maybe this boat has left the dock and I really am pushing it age-wise (for a healthy pregnancy/child although my doctor did not seem to be concerned)? I appreciate any thoughts on the matter, especially if you had to make the same decision.

My answer would be no but that's because I had severe pre-eclampsia with my 2nd at 37 (almost 38) and she was born 2 months early. There was no way I was taking a chance on another pregnancy.

If you are healthy, in good shape, have had normal/easy pregnancies that's a different story.

Still, is this about a 4th child or about longing for a daughter? I think the only way to guarantee a girl is IVF and successful implantation of a female embryo.

[Anonymous]

Wow three boiterous sweet boys is a lot already!!
I'd be done! Don't push yourself to the limit, enjoy what you have! Give your time, energy and money to the three you already have. If you have a child with special needs that needs major attention that could push you all over the edge.
That said, some people seem to have boundless energy and do have 4+ no problem.
I have two wonderful sons, now teens and I was done. Very happy, love them.

[Anonymous]

I understand the desire for another child and the desire for a daughter. What if you had a boy? What if it was twin or triplet boys? Multiples are more common as you get older. What if you have a complicated pregnancy/delivery? A child with special needs? Both of which are also much more common as you get older.

I’m sorry to say but I think it’s a bad idea to take on this risk at your age, with already having 3 young kids, and not to mention the current state of the world.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor has 4 kids - her 4th at 40. She's 41 now.

They're exhausted but they love it. If you want another and have the resources, why not?

[Anonymous]

You've gotten a lot of good input. I'll add that if you have a lot of support like nearby extended family or a solid community/network then that would be a big help with four. Also, does your partner pitch in equally or is it going to be mostly on you?

[Anonymous]

No. Insane, imo.