Would you recommend having a 4th child at 41?

[Anonymous]

Sure.

I think if you want 4 kids then you should have 4 kids (assuming you're able, and can afford the basics.)

I certainly don't think that being 41 or 42 makes that decision significantly different. You're an experienced parent and you know what you're getting into.

If you want a fourth, and if you'll be thrilled if you have another boy, then go for it.

I'm a totally geriatric mother and I don't regret it. 41 sounds young to me!

[Anonymous]

I had my 3rd (only girl ) at 41 and an easy pregnancy but at one week old she got very sick for months and nearly died (nothing to do with my age ) and I felt so guilty for wanting a girl when I had two healthy boys.Fortunately she is now healthy but it was very hard. Ten years later and I am in better shape than most of the younger moms. So go for it but remember even if you have a girl things don't always go perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Your current 3 are still young and you only have one in elementary school. Things get much busier and crazier with 3+ kids once they are all in school and have lessons, school obligations, sports, parties, etc.
When they're young it's logistically much, much easier. You don't constantly have to be in 3 or 4 places at once.

[Anonymous]

I'm the youngest of 4 and my parents were 40 and 45 when I was born. My dad passed last year at age 94 and my mom is presently 90 I am 49. I feel very fortunate to have been able to enjoy my parents for so long because I worried about them dying my whole life - parents their age were not very common when I grew up and my parents seemed ancient compared to others. You say that you want to enjoy your kids, but don't forget, your kids also want to enjoy you. My parents had zero health problems until they were in their 80s - and the past 10 years have involved blood transfusions, doctors visits hospice and frequent visits from the four kids - 3 that live more than 200 miles away. The timing is tough when your adult children still have children of their own to care for PLUS you. If you want to have a 4th, understanding how you will impact your children's lives is something that you should strongly consider - especially as there is a chance they will have young children of their own to care for when you need them most. Also, getting old is expensive - until you witness how it all works - the in home help, the doctors visits, the diapers, the assisted living costs - wow. This is a part of retirement that most are not considering. I had my kids young - if I waited until 40 like my parents, my kids would be in elementary school and I would be dealing with aging parents and young kids at once - which is pretty unimaginable. I'm not saying don't do it - I'm saying really look at your finances - and be honest about how much you will need to rely on your kids in your old age.

[Anonymous]

I can't help you, because I don't want to work full time until I'm 65, and I never wanted more than 2 children. Are you okay with even less time with each child individually, and less money and less sleep and less couple time?

[Anonymous]

If you and your husband are in agreement on having a fourth child and your doctor says you should be fine then why not? Yes, its more work. Yes, its more $$. Whatever experiences others have had has little relevance for your situation. Each situation is unique. I'm sure you'd love to have girl, but a healthy baby is all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing, OP - Do you think you would ever really feel like you were done? I have five kids and for several years after my youngest was born, I felt like I wanted another. My blood pressure went up with my last pregnancy and never came down, so another baby would have been dangerous. Had that not been the case, we might have had one more. I was only 34 when my fifth was born. I think some of us just really feel that strong biological desire for kids more than others. I'm not sure I ever would have really felt done. (I definitely would have stopped at 6 for financial reasons.)

I am 50 now and have two grandbabies. Our kids are all out if the house except for one high school senior. I cannot imagine what life would be like with a young child. The desire to have another slowly faded as our youngest got older. I absolutely loved having a houseful of kids, but I'm also really happy in this new stage of life.

I'm 50 with a 12 and 8 yo. I can't imagine what life would be like w/o them.

See where I"m going with this?

Define stage, PP. I love my job; I don't intend on retiring soon. My kids are happy and doing well.

Age doesn't necessarily match up to stage.

[Anonymous]

i guess I'd say to really think about your reasons for wanting the 4th. If deep down it's because you want a girl, I think that's a bad reason for many reasons. will you be disappointed if you have a boy? or if your girl turns out not to like dresses or anything girly? (mine doesn't)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the youngest of 4 and my parents were 40 and 45 when I was born. My dad passed last year at age 94 and my mom is presently 90 I am 49. I feel very fortunate to have been able to enjoy my parents for so long because I worried about them dying my whole life - parents their age were not very common when I grew up and my parents seemed ancient compared to others. You say that you want to enjoy your kids, but don't forget, your kids also want to enjoy you. My parents had zero health problems until they were in their 80s - and the past 10 years have involved blood transfusions, doctors visits hospice and frequent visits from the four kids - 3 that live more than 200 miles away. The timing is tough when your adult children still have children of their own to care for PLUS you. If you want to have a 4th, understanding how you will impact your children's lives is something that you should strongly consider - especially as there is a chance they will have young children of their own to care for when you need them most. Also, getting old is expensive - until you witness how it all works - the in home help, the doctors visits, the diapers, the assisted living costs - wow. This is a part of retirement that most are not considering. I had my kids young - if I waited until 40 like my parents, my kids would be in elementary school and I would be dealing with aging parents and young kids at once - which is pretty unimaginable. I'm not saying don't do it - I'm saying really look at your finances - and be honest about how much you will need to rely on your kids in your old age.

My parents had me late; I had my kids late.

the good thing about that? enough money for retirement

Mom handled all of Dad's health issues by keeping him at home. My husband and I have LT health insurance, college savings and plenty of retirement (our own, plus pensions).

didn't have that stability 20 years ago

[Anonymous]

If you have 3 healthy kids, I wouldn't roll the dice again. From miscarriages to SN, there is a lot that can happen, and as you get older is more likely to happen.

[Anonymous]

I had my 3rd two weeks shy of 41, and my 4th at 42. I am so glad we did it!

[Anonymous]

i think you're all stupid as hell for even having the first one.

[Anonymous]

No, there are already too many peoble in this world.

[Anonymous]

If you want to then why not? I’m guessing you’ve thought about the risks (having a boy, special needs, Difficulty becoming pregnant, etc) but they are the same things to consider for your first or fourth child.

[Anonymous]

I chose not to - mostly because I saw both my sisters struggle after having “one last kid” (one had twins, the other a child with devastating special needs). I think I’ll always feel some regret, but it was the right decision for us.