The pool and DH issues

[Anonymous]

I live on a lake. Everybody drinks while the kids are in the water. Those who don't swim have a parent or other person right next to them -- often with a drink in their hand.

Totally legal (as long as no glass) and nobody bats an eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is there a pool that allows drinking?

Yes, I'd like to know, too... for "research."

High Point Pool, on the border of Arlington/Mclean/FCC allows drinking. Glass bottles have to be kept in a cooler- but you can take them out to pour into a plastic cup.
We frequently have dinner at the pool and have wine with it- its lovely.

this is OP, this is coincidentally the pool I am talking about. We are walking distance.

This is my concern:

The pool with a non-swimmer is really somewhere you need to bring your A game so you, you know, don't drown your kid. I don't drink at the pool when I'm alone with my kids and I expect DH to do the same. Luckily he's not selfish so he doesn't have a problem with this.

this is my concern. Maybe it's a little bit of a control thing but DH is not a great swimmer himself and DS is getting there but not swimming independently yet. I'm just not crazy about introducing alcohol into the mix. And frankly, this stems from the "norms" around alcohol in the families DH and I grew up in are very different. Drinking was and is an expected part of all social activities for DH's family (which is probably more typical) whereas my parents were more like, "should we go crazy and split a beer at dinner? tee hee hee." I think DH's family needs to drink to deal with each other.

Hopefully this message doesn't out me.

The election issue was in a nutshell that he doesn't want me to talk about politics with DS. DS at age 5 is more interested and more engaged in the election than DH, which just makes me sad and question my choice of a partner.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm on your side. People who don't watch their young, then blame the signage amaze me. Well, the guards at my pool sit next to a large "No guard on duty" sign, so there's that. I've helped more than one struggling swimmer in the busy pool to know that drinking and swimming/watching your young children is not a very good idea.

[Anonymous]

I'm on your side about dad downing beers at the pool while ostensibly supervising a 5yo inexpert swimmer, OP. But I'm on his side about the election stuff. I can't stand my friends who pump their young children full of political stuff, mostly so that they can share the video of their 3yo whining about Bernie Sanders (or Hillary or Trump) with their FB friends. A tween who is beginning to develop some political consciousness, sure. But your 5yo's political views are not nearly as adorable as you think they are.

[Anonymous]

I thought you were probably talking about HPP. Welcome. It's a great pool. I really don't think you need to be concerned about this. Especially if he is going to be in the water with your son. I'm trying to picture the scenario you are concerned about. The pool is well divided into a 3 foot section and the deeper section. My 4 year old can stand in the 3 foot section- I would imagine your 5 year old could as well.
The pool has good attentive guards- we are not talking about either an unattended backyard pool or a apartment pool with 1 guard.
An adult can stand everywhere in the pool except for the diving well- you don't need to be a strong swimmer to pick up a floundering swimmer in water you can stand in.

I think your issue is really about different expectations respect to alcohol in general.

[Anonymous]

If your DH can't spend a day at the pool without beer, he has a problem.

[Anonymous]

I think the issue is supervision in general more so than alcohol. Regardless of drinking, is he down with being in pool with your child an arms length away and not just hanging out with his friends?

We have a lot of friends at that pool and I don't get the impression it's some crazy party scene but I've never been.

[Anonymous]

Alcohol isn't allowed at our pool, but my parents belong to a country club with a bar at the pool. I head straight for the bar when I take my kids there on my own.

[Anonymous]

A beer on a hot day doing activity is like water. He's going to sweat it out. 2-3 beers over 3-4 hours at the pool is really nothing.

[Anonymous]

As a sidenote, for the people referencing the lifeguards..
Lifeguards aren't there to watch/ supervise your kids. That's YOUR job, whether you're drinking or not.
Lifeguards are there in case of emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH can't spend a day at the pool without beer, he has a problem.

Who said anything about "can't"? Sounds more like "doesn't want to."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH can't spend a day at the pool without beer, he has a problem.

Who said anything about "can't"? Sounds more like "doesn't want to."

Well, then the buttercup needs to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH can't spend a day at the pool without beer, he has a problem.

Who said anything about "can't"? Sounds more like "doesn't want to."

Well, then the buttercup needs to suck it up.

Yes, mom needs to hire a pool sitter who will explicitly follow her rules or go to the pool with her children.

Her DH is not being unreasonable. It is acceptable for parents to have different opinions about things. As long as they're behaving within reasonable bounds, they should be allowed to do so. There are steps she can take that don't require dictating his behavior. She may even find there's space for compromise if she's willing to try, such as she will head to the pool as soon as she gets off work, and for her husband to please avoid more than a beer until she gets there, but once she gets there she will be the pool-parent and he can relax and hang with the guys. I find my spouse is more accepting of my irrational concerns if I'm able to give some space around them, and I his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH can't spend a day at the pool without beer, he has a problem.

Who said anything about "can't"? Sounds more like "doesn't want to."

Well, then the buttercup needs to suck it up.

Yes, mom needs to hire a pool sitter who will explicitly follow her rules or go to the pool with her children.

Her DH is not being unreasonable. It is acceptable for parents to have different opinions about things. As long as they're behaving within reasonable bounds, they should be allowed to do so. There are steps she can take that don't require dictating his behavior. She may even find there's space for compromise if she's willing to try, such as she will head to the pool as soon as she gets off work, and for her husband to please avoid more than a beer until she gets there, but once she gets there she will be the pool-parent and he can relax and hang with the guys. I find my spouse is more accepting of my irrational concerns if I'm able to give some space around them, and I his.

Say what now? All this in order to have a couple of beers? Wow.