You have a job - raising both your children, which both of you decided on - the income should not be seen as "his". You should be able to spend as you like or on what you like. It would probably be good for you as a family to have saving/retirement goals. But if you want to keep a set amount of money separate to feel like you are not spending "his" money - you should, unless you do not value your contribution in supporting your family so that your husband can work. You sound like you feel like you are spending "his" money. |
No, I do not get paid by my DH. However, he gives me all his earnings because I am his wife. Is that ok by you? |
If only you could be a fly on our wall. We have so many ridiculous things we bicker about. I always want to give more. He wants to give less. He has mentioned getting rid of cable. He cancelled our exterminator contract because he thought we were getting ripped off. He complains EVERY SINGLE TIME we drive to NYC how expensive tolls are and doesn't want to get in the express lane. I have literally had to yell at him to get into the express lane for $10. Even birthday presents and baby shower gifts. The common theme is that he always thinks I give too much. DH is my husband. I understand him. He is a very hard working individual who is fair. He reciprocates. He doesn't like the feeling that he/we always give more and will never get it back. I am going to take the slush fund approach. I will gladly give up a bag, shoes or coat so that I can spend that same money on my family. |
Well, if the story is true I would say it's not the individual gift card that's the problem, but the fact that OP is hemorrhaging money in a never-satisfied quest to support an ever growing list of friends and family. |
I shouldn't have used the word paid. Maybe fund transfer would be more appropriate for retirement, savings, fun money, etc. |
Op spend his money on improving your writing skills. |
Don't get your brother in trouble by giving him extra cash each month/year. I'm sure it depends on the state, but where I live, gifted money is considered "income," and can cause one to be over the income limit for food stamps (not sure about Social Security or SSI). Hey, if you want to give him the money, and he gets off food stamps, that's fine. But it would be just awful for him to get caught accepting your money AND receiving food stamps. I'm sure others have mentioned the same. I think supporting your disabled brother is the right thing to do. But it is such a large expense that your partner needs to agree to it. I SAH, and we budget very tightly. DH and I EACH get a set amount per month. I then budget "my" amount for groceries and other necessities (including birthday gifts), and occasional shopping trips, lunch out, massage, etc. But if we were to give a family member a large chunk of money or make any big purchase, we'd discuss together and rebudget. |
My husband would want just as much of a say in how money is spent whether I were workng or not. All money that comes in is shared. |
I'm sorry but your expectations for "generosity" are insane. I wouldn't buy my DH's best friend a couch. She's divorced, presumably she's getting alimony? Half the stuff from her house? OMG. |
You're not "gifting too much", you're WASTING money. I'm thinking you guys probably don't have as much money as YOU think you do. |
Another Red Flag in this story. ![]() |
"I often have to hide a few hundred in cash to give to my brother. DH bought a home for my brother and pays all his bills."
Let's see. Your DH pays all of your brother's bills, pays your brother's property taxes, your brother receives food stamps plus a housing stipend and you slip your brother a few hundred on a regular basis. Faux, faux, faux. |
You lost me after the $100,000 car. You need to stay employed. |
My brother would be homeless without us. He used to live with my parents and my parents were struggling financially so a social worker helped my brother get disability benefits. The housing stipend was calculated based on his share of my parents' home expenses. It was causing my parents too much stress as they aged and had health problems of their own. DH is technically my brother's landlord. There is a lease. We also have other tenants. My brother would have been placed in a group home. This broke my heart so DH found a solution. |
You are irresponsible with money. |