Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - Does your brother qualify for HEAP, Food Stamps, etc.? Do you and DH claim your brother as a dependent for tax purposes?

Yes, he collects food stamps (gets the EBT card filled per month) and a small housing stipend.

[Anonymous]

Hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't know really what to say. See if he will go for it in exchange for a reduction in your personal spending?

I actually got a cheaper Mercedes this year. Instead of getting a $100k+ car, I got a 55k car. I did this because I wanted to get my brother a new car. I thought we could get my brother a ~20k car. DH got upset at me because he said I should have gotten a nicer car if I wanted a nicer car. I think the my wanting to be generous is what bothers DH and in turn this bothers me greatly that DH does not want to be generous.

Are you a troll? You said in your original post that your husband is generous with your brother, and based on your story it sounds like he is. He bought him a house and pays all his bills.

No, I am not a troll. Unfortunately, this is a real problem in our household.

I should just get a job. I know I will get hired. Instead of bluffing, I will get one. Then if DH really wants me to stay home, which he does, I will ask him to pay me that salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't know really what to say. See if he will go for it in exchange for a reduction in your personal spending?

I actually got a cheaper Mercedes this year. Instead of getting a $100k+ car, I got a 55k car. I did this because I wanted to get my brother a new car. I thought we could get my brother a ~20k car. DH got upset at me because he said I should have gotten a nicer car if I wanted a nicer car. I think the my wanting to be generous is what bothers DH and in turn this bothers me greatly that DH does not want to be generous.

Are you a troll? You said in your original post that your husband is generous with your brother, and based on your story it sounds like he is. He bought him a house and pays all his bills.

No, I am not a troll. Unfortunately, this is a real problem in our household.

I should just get a job. I know I will get hired. Instead of bluffing, I will get one. Then if DH really wants me to stay home, which he does, I will ask him to pay me that salary.[/quote
You go girl... Lolz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't know really what to say. See if he will go for it in exchange for a reduction in your personal spending?

I actually got a cheaper Mercedes this year. Instead of getting a $100k+ car, I got a 55k car. I did this because I wanted to get my brother a new car. I thought we could get my brother a ~20k car. DH got upset at me because he said I should have gotten a nicer car if I wanted a nicer car. I think the my wanting to be generous is what bothers DH and in turn this bothers me greatly that DH does not want to be generous.

Are you a troll? You said in your original post that your husband is generous with your brother, and based on your story it sounds like he is. He bought him a house and pays all his bills.

No, I am not a troll. Unfortunately, this is a real problem in our household.

I should just get a job. I know I will get hired. Instead of bluffing, I will get one. Then if DH really wants me to stay home, which he does, I will ask him to pay me that salary.

And if he doesn't mind that I work, I can work and give my earnings to my family. I will gladly work to support my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't know really what to say. See if he will go for it in exchange for a reduction in your personal spending?

I actually got a cheaper Mercedes this year. Instead of getting a $100k+ car, I got a 55k car. I did this because I wanted to get my brother a new car. I thought we could get my brother a ~20k car. DH got upset at me because he said I should have gotten a nicer car if I wanted a nicer car. I think the my wanting to be generous is what bothers DH and in turn this bothers me greatly that DH does not want to be generous.

Are you a troll? You said in your original post that your husband is generous with your brother, and based on your story it sounds like he is. He bought him a house and pays all his bills.

No, I am not a troll. Unfortunately, this is a real problem in our household.

I should just get a job. I know I will get hired. Instead of bluffing, I will get one. Then if DH really wants me to stay home, which he does, I will ask him to pay me that salary.

And if he doesn't mind that I work, I can work and give my earnings to my family. I will gladly work to support my family.

Your husband doesn't need to give his permission for you to work. It sounds like it's causing more problems than it's worth.

[Anonymous]

You can jeopardize your brothers benefits giving him income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

I agree. It doesn't sound like SAHM is for you.

DH wants me to stay home. He thinks it is best for our children. He loves our children more than anything.

I want to ask for a certain amount to be placed in a separate account per month that I can spend as I choose. I was thinking $5k. For the record, I spent at least $10k per month.

Do you want to stay home? What do you think is best for your children? Does he love you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can jeopardize your brothers benefits giving him income.

I don't really give him income. I give him gift cards to Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds and Target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

So you think DH has a right to feel upset that I want to be more generous with my family?

I know DH thinks that he is more than generous already. He bit my head off the other day because I had purchased a $100 gift card from Wegmens while I went grocery shopping. I can't remember if it was a target gift card or what I purchased for my brother. It caused a huge fight.

If you want to be more generous to YOUR family, YOU should go back to work. Your DH sounds like a saint. And he's right. Why is he busting his hump to support TWO families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

I agree. It doesn't sound like SAHM is for you.

DH wants me to stay home. He thinks it is best for our children. He loves our children more than anything.

I want to ask for a certain amount to be placed in a separate account per month that I can spend as I choose. I was thinking $5k. For the record, I spent at least $10k per month.

Do you want to stay home? What do you think is best for your children? Does he love you?

It is probably best that I stay home for my children. That is why we decided together that I would quit my job. DH used to earn high six figures before I quit. The plan was that he could ramp up and work as hard as he could. It has paid off. I don't even know if he could ramp down at this point.

At the same time, I think our overall family life was better when we were both working. He and I would take turns picking up the kids. He was home more. So while our HHI is higher, our lifestyle was better. That extra 500k he earns makes no real different in our lifestyle. At the same time, if he was willing to give an extra 25k or so to my family, it would make me worlds happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

I agree. It doesn't sound like SAHM is for you.

DH wants me to stay home. He thinks it is best for our children. He loves our children more than anything.

I want to ask for a certain amount to be placed in a separate account per month that I can spend as I choose. I was thinking $5k. For the record, I spent at least $10k per month.

Do you want to stay home? What do you think is best for your children? Does he love you?

It is probably best that I stay home for my children. That is why we decided together that I would quit my job. DH used to earn high six figures before I quit. The plan was that he could ramp up and work as hard as he could. It has paid off. I don't even know if he could ramp down at this point.

At the same time, I think our overall family life was better when we were both working. He and I would take turns picking up the kids. He was home more. So while our HHI is higher, our lifestyle was better. That extra 500k he earns makes no real different in our lifestyle. At the same time, if he was willing to give an extra 25k or so to my family, it would make me worlds happier.

He drinks a whiskey drink he drinks a vodka drink he drinks a lager drink he drinks a cider drink

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

I agree. It doesn't sound like SAHM is for you.

DH wants me to stay home. He thinks it is best for our children. He loves our children more than anything.

I want to ask for a certain amount to be placed in a separate account per month that I can spend as I choose. I was thinking $5k. For the record, I spent at least $10k per month.

Do you want to stay home? What do you think is best for your children? Does he love you?

It is probably best that I stay home for my children. That is why we decided together that I would quit my job. DH used to earn high six figures before I quit. The plan was that he could ramp up and work as hard as he could. It has paid off. I don't even know if he could ramp down at this point.

At the same time, I think our overall family life was better when we were both working. He and I would take turns picking up the kids. He was home more. So while our HHI is higher, our lifestyle was better. That extra 500k he earns makes no real different in our lifestyle. At the same time, if he was willing to give an extra 25k or so to my family, it would make me worlds happier.

He drinks a whiskey drink he drinks a vodka drink he drinks a lager drink he drinks a cider drink

he sings the songs that remind him of the good times, he sings the songs that remind him of the better times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no opinion on that. But if I wanted to give my family of origin more than my spouse wanted to give, I would work. I don't think you have a right to be upset that he doesn't want to give more.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

So you think DH has a right to feel upset that I want to be more generous with my family?

I know DH thinks that he is more than generous already. He bit my head off the other day because I had purchased a $100 gift card from Wegmens while I went grocery shopping. I can't remember if it was a target gift card or what I purchased for my brother. It caused a huge fight.

If you want to be more generous to YOUR family, YOU should go back to work. Your DH sounds like a saint. And he's right. Why is he busting his hump to support TWO families?

This is the cause of so much disagreement in our household. I stopped working so that DH could soar in his career. I should be able to spend some of OUR HHI on my family because I supported DH. I feel like part of that income should be allocated to me.

DH always jokes to our friends that he just earns money so I can spend money. DH has zero problems with my spending on myself. He has problems with spending on my family.