Do any SAHMs get paid by their DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys need to lay out a budget, with a "personal" line item for each of you. You can blow yours on spa days or buy grocery cards for your family from that line item without him bitching, and he can go golfing or buy whisky or whatever without you bitching.

DH is actually quite frugal. He is obsessed with saving money. At the same time, he is good to me and lets me go to the spa, nail salon, shopping, travel, whatever I want. He likes to make me happy. What he doesn't realize is that these material items don't really matter much to me. I would be much happier if I skip shopping and spend the money on my family.

We already take my family on a vacation per year. I visit my family without him and I will buy my mom some new clothes. It is probably my own guilt because we live a somewhat lavish lifestyle while my family lives so modestly.

I could not live like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys need to lay out a budget, with a "personal" line item for each of you. You can blow yours on spa days or buy grocery cards for your family from that line item without him bitching, and he can go golfing or buy whisky or whatever without you bitching.

DH is actually quite frugal. He is obsessed with saving money. At the same time, he is good to me and lets me go to the spa, nail salon, shopping, travel, whatever I want. He likes to make me happy. What he doesn't realize is that these material items don't really matter much to me. I would be much happier if I skip shopping and spend the money on my family.

We already take my family on a vacation per year. I visit my family without him and I will buy my mom some new clothes. It is probably my own guilt because we live a somewhat lavish lifestyle while my family lives so modestly.

I could not live like this.

Yeah sounds like a liane moriarty novel

[Anonymous]

Get a job, lady

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous, OP. You're arguing over 25K a year? Put it to him that way: "I want 25K a year to spend on my family. I understand that this is not the way you want to spend our money, but it's the way I want to spend it, and I am the one you chose to marry and have kids with, my family included. You can either give me the 25K, or I can go back to work to earn it and we will spend far more on childcare and outsourcing. I promise that's it. I won't ask for more or for gifts for my brother or everyone else. Can we make that deal and be done with this topic?"

[Anonymous]

It is your money, as in the two of you. It isn't your family's money and it sounds like your DH is already being generous in buying a house. You should absolutely discuss it with him but realize that he isn't being unreasonable. The other option is for you to work, and you can explain to DH you will consider that and he can decide what is worth it to him. I don't think "give me 5K a month to do what I want" will necessarily make sense to him, because if you aren't spending it on you then presumably you don't need that much. Also, if I were your DH I would be irritated that you were using the money on your family instead of things like your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

I agree. It doesn't sound like SAHM is for you.

DH wants me to stay home. He thinks it is best for our children. He loves our children more than anything.

I want to ask for a certain amount to be placed in a separate account per month that I can spend as I choose. I was thinking $5k. For the record, I spent at least $10k per month.

Do you want to stay home? What do you think is best for your children? Does he love you?

It is probably best that I stay home for my children. That is why we decided together that I would quit my job. DH used to earn high six figures before I quit. The plan was that he could ramp up and work as hard as he could. It has paid off. I don't even know if he could ramp down at this point.

At the same time, I think our overall family life was better when we were both working. He and I would take turns picking up the kids. He was home more. So while our HHI is higher, our lifestyle was better. That extra 500k he earns makes no real different in our lifestyle. At the same time, if he was willing to give an extra 25k or so to my family, it would make me worlds happier.

Are you just nuts? You spend $10,000+ a month on yourself and household, your husband pays for your brother and you are complain you need more money? For what? At $10,000 a month, you probably have fancy crap and enough for 3-4- people. If you start giving 25K to your family, especially brother, he could lose all his benefits as benefits are based off of income. Do you even get how benefits work? Buying him clothing, food and paying directly for some stuff is ok, go overboard and he could lose his benefits. He's far more than generous. You don't need paid, he's already paying you with open access to money and credit cards/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - Does your brother qualify for HEAP, Food Stamps, etc.? Do you and DH claim your brother as a dependent for tax purposes?

Yes, he collects food stamps (gets the EBT card filled per month) and a small housing stipend.

He gets a housing stipend when he has a fully paid for house? That sounds fraudulent.

[Anonymous]

Give up your goodies if you don't need them. I'm calling BS on this.

In case it is true, I'm on your husband's side. You keep on and you won't have a rich husband for long either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can jeopardize your brothers benefits giving him income.

This. Your brother may see his benefits decrease or lose them altogether, which is more expense for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys need to lay out a budget, with a "personal" line item for each of you. You can blow yours on spa days or buy grocery cards for your family from that line item without him bitching, and he can go golfing or buy whisky or whatever without you bitching.

DH is actually quite frugal. He is obsessed with saving money. At the same time, he is good to me and lets me go to the spa, nail salon, shopping, travel, whatever I want. He likes to make me happy. What he doesn't realize is that these material items don't really matter much to me. I would be much happier if I skip shopping and spend the money on my family.

We already take my family on a vacation per year. I visit my family without him and I will buy my mom some new clothes. It is probably my own guilt because we live a somewhat lavish lifestyle while my family lives so modestly.

I could not live like this.

Cut out the spa, shopping, nail salon and what ever else you waste money on and give it to you brother. Problem solved. If it would make you much happier, cut out that spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can jeopardize your brothers benefits giving him income.

I don't really give him income. I give him gift cards to Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds and Target.

What? You give him thousands of dollars in fast food gift cards? If you're not going to give him money or something useful, why bother?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your home life is miserable because your DH is never there and that taking care of others makes you feel better or makes you think it is worth it. Ask your DH to cut back on work instead. No one needs a million dollar salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys need to lay out a budget, with a "personal" line item for each of you. You can blow yours on spa days or buy grocery cards for your family from that line item without him bitching, and he can go golfing or buy whisky or whatever without you bitching.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can jeopardize your brothers benefits giving him income.

This. Your brother may see his benefits decrease or lose them altogether, which is more expense for you.

In regards to my brother, I want to get him a new car. I don't need to necessarily give him more per month. I also have 2 elderly retired parents. They live a very modest life with no luxuries. This has more to do with my parents than my brother.

This thread has made it pretty clear. I will go back to work.

When I was working, I was very resentful that I took the hit for every snow and sick day. DH earned about 3x what I did so of course it made sense that I was the default parent.

Having a successful husband has a lot of negatives.

[Anonymous]

With all the info you have put in your posts, OP, I sense there is more going on that just wanting the money for your brother. Resentment maybe? But this seems more than just one issue. Maybe marriage counseling would be helpful for you guys to discuss a plan moving forward with a third party professional to mediate. I'm not one to usually suggest counseling...my H and I talk everything through...but it sounds like it could be beneficial here for you guys.