Avoiding another child in class selection

[Anonymous]

It is very clear you have absolutely no understanding of bullying.

Kids will try to handle things themselves. Kids want to handle it themselves. But when they reach the poi t where they csnnot, the damage to their overall well being are dramatic and painful.

Changes to the behavior of a preteen or teen are very common due to puberty.

In our case, our kid was still socializing actively with his circle of friends. And when they were hanging out, everything was normal. The bully was never part of any socializing, so none of the bullying behaviors occured anywhere wher any of the parents could see it.

Our kid was very good at hiding that sokething was going on, and was in his own way trying to stand up to the bulky on his own...until he couldn't.

My kid was fortunate to have strong self esteem. Many kids don't and those are the ones that end up suicidal or damaging themselves through behaviors like cutting.

You can give a kid all the tools in the world to be their own person, stand up for themselves during times of injustice, and to avoid bullying, but when fsced with sneaky, underhand bullying by someone bigger thsn you, stronger than you, more popular than you, who has a host of minnion followers, doing so on your own without adult help is damn near impossible, even for the strongest and most independent of kids. The switch that is flipped between the time a kid can handle it on his own, and the limit of when they no longer can is sudden and can cause a desperation and a lot of sadness.

You are sanctimonious, know it all, and smug, and also very ill informed and very very wrong.

You obviously have absolutely no experience with bullyimg, except perhaps on the side of being one of the bullies.

Clearly, yur kids have not been bullied...yet. Middle and High School social media bullying is horrific. You better hope that your child does not face it in the future, especially with your unhelpful attitude of no adult intervention necessary.

Shame on you for your smugness over something you have zero understanding about.

I think this line is very telling -

You better hope that your child does not face it in the future, especially with your unhelpful attitude of no adult intervention necessary.

I've seen it again and again on these threads, and it boils down to one thing - that YOU DO INDEED hope my children are bullied, as you see me as sanctimonious. So you'd like to punish me through my kids.

Isn't that what you're really saying in a very passive-aggressive way? time for a self-examination, PP, as that line was clearly a subtle form of bullying

And yes, I recognize that kids go through changes during puberty. When they become moody, talk to them! Certainly most changes are due to hormonal fluctuations, but you can never be certain. Kids break down if you keep lines of communication open. So while you may think kids are good at "hiding things," even when children APPEAR to be "normal" (having fun with friends, for example), you still need to talk to them. Eventually, they'll break and it will all pour out. Kids who trust their parents talk.

And yes, you equip them with skills. My nephew was suspended for pulling a kid off another one which eventually led to a fight b/c the aggressive child fought back. His actions led to his suspension. We fully supported him.

I tell my kids to always support anyone who's being teased and to come to us and to a trusted adult at school if anyone bullied them. Kids need to understand that bullying is subtle. Look at the bullying you see on these threads from one adult to another. 

Finally, I'll repeat what I said earlier - that kids who are bullied need help. It's easy to be angry at them, to talk shit about them to your own kids, to avoid the parents, to blame the school for not bringing it to light sooner. But as ADULTS, it's important to understand that bullies are kids who are hurting.

So I'll step off my sanctimonious box now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is very clear you have absolutely no understanding of bullying.

Kids will try to handle things themselves. Kids want to handle it themselves. But when they reach the poi t where they csnnot, the damage to their overall well being are dramatic and painful.

Changes to the behavior of a preteen or teen are very common due to puberty.

In our case, our kid was still socializing actively with his circle of friends. And when they were hanging out, everything was normal. The bully was never part of any socializing, so none of the bullying behaviors occured anywhere wher any of the parents could see it.

Our kid was very good at hiding that sokething was going on, and was in his own way trying to stand up to the bulky on his own...until he couldn't.

My kid was fortunate to have strong self esteem. Many kids don't and those are the ones that end up suicidal or damaging themselves through behaviors like cutting.

You can give a kid all the tools in the world to be their own person, stand up for themselves during times of injustice, and to avoid bullying, but when fsced with sneaky, underhand bullying by someone bigger thsn you, stronger than you, more popular than you, who has a host of minnion followers, doing so on your own without adult help is damn near impossible, even for the strongest and most independent of kids. The switch that is flipped between the time a kid can handle it on his own, and the limit of when they no longer can is sudden and can cause a desperation and a lot of sadness.

You are sanctimonious, know it all, and smug, and also very ill informed and very very wrong.

You obviously have absolutely no experience with bullyimg, except perhaps on the side of being one of the bullies.

Clearly, yur kids have not been bullied...yet. Middle and High School social media bullying is horrific. You better hope that your child does not face it in the future, especially with your unhelpful attitude of no adult intervention necessary.

Shame on you for your smugness over something you have zero understanding about.

I think this line is very telling -

You better hope that your child does not face it in the future, especially with your unhelpful attitude of no adult intervention necessary.

I've seen it again and again on these threads, and it boils down to one thing - that YOU DO INDEED hope my children are bullied, as you see me as sanctimonious. So you'd like to punish me through my kids.

Isn't that what you're really saying in a very passive-aggressive way? time for a self-examination, PP, as that line was clearly a subtle form of bullying NP here, Oh please

And yes, I recognize that kids go through changes during puberty. When they become moody, talk to them! Certainly most changes are due to hormonal fluctuations, but you can never be certain. Kids break down if you keep lines of communication open. So while you may think kids are good at "hiding things," even when children APPEAR to be "normal" (having fun with friends, for example), you still need to talk to them. Eventually, they'll break and it will all pour out. Kids who trust their parents talk.

And yes, you equip them with skills. My nephew was suspended for pulling a kid off another one which eventually led to a fight b/c the aggressive child fought back. His actions led to his suspension. We fully supported him.

I tell my kids to always support anyone who's being teased and to come to us and to a trusted adult at school if anyone bullied them. Kids need to understand that bullying is subtle. Look at the bullying you see on these threads from one adult to another. again, oh please, you can't bully on an anonymous message board, the circumstances don't meet the definition

Finally, I'll repeat what I said earlier - that kids who are bullied need help. It's easy to be angry at them, to talk shit about them to your own kids, to avoid the parents, to blame the school for not bringing it to light sooner. But as ADULTS, it's important to understand that bullies are kids who are hurting.

So I'll step off my sanctimonious box now.

This is a complete over-simplification of the matter. Sometimes they are hurting, sometimes they are little assholes on a power trip. For the bully's sake, yes, an adult needs to intervene to break this cycle and help them in whatever way they need help, whether it is to save them from an abusive situation or teach them not to be assholes.

But that doesn't change the fact that the victim is being victimized and that needs to stop. Coaching your child to have sympathy for the bully who is bullying them only works for so long. It's unreasonable to expect a child to feel bad for someone who is making their lives miserable. And the parent of a child who is being targeted can be forgiven for prioritizing their child's emotional health over the emotional health of a someone who is mean to their kid every day.

I highly recommend "Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy" by Emily Bazelon.