Avoiding another child in class selection

[Anonymous]

We recently received a student questionnaire that the school uses when creating classrooms for the next school year. At the end of last year, I seriously considered asking that my child not be placed in the same classroom as another child. I didn't and they were placed in the same classroom. The kid is just consistently mean to my kid, excludes her, tells her she doesn't like her, etc. I hate to single the other kid out -- I am aware that s/he is going through a rough time. However, my kid doesn't need to bear the brunt of the other kid's aggression. Basic question is whether it's appropriate for me to ask that the school separate the kids or should I speak to the teacher offline.

[Anonymous]

Hit send with out proofreading. The basic question is whether should make my request the separate the kids via the questionnaire or directly to the teacher.

[Anonymous]

I would do both in case the person making next years classes is not the same person as the teacher.

[Anonymous]

We are in MC and they ask this on the questionnaire. If you aren't comfortable listing someone on the form reach out to the counselor via phone and email so sh has a record.

[Anonymous]

It will not be a surprise to the teacher that the two kids don't get along. After 2 years with a child who targeted my child (kid just had no social skills and pestered him all day), I said on the form something like "these 2 are too distracting to one another" or something neutral like that. They have not been placed together again.

[Anonymous]

In my school (MCPS), if a parent requests their child be separated from another student then it happens no matter what. It's taken seriously in the articulation process. --Teacher

[Anonymous]

I have done this in both private and public. It was honored in both.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to put it on the form if this is a big concern to you but personally I wouldn't do it in your situation. I think kids should work out this stuff on their own unless your DD is really traumatized by what's going on.

I only know of one parent who did this but it was a physical bullying issue.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in MCPS this kind of request is taken seriously. I have had to do this. I think I emailed the principal and assistant principal after yet another incident with this one psycho kid - and believe me, I do not use the word lightly! My request was honored and my child has managed to steer clear of the other child.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I asked my child's teacher at the end of last year to put her in a different classroom than another girl, and she did! She was really nice about it and actually already thought to seperate them. Doesn't hurt to ask.

[Anonymous]

I did this privately face to face to te principal. I kept it short and didn't say very much at al about the other kid. Request was honored.

[Anonymous]

I would worry about my own child more than calling out another. I would think the teachers would not want them together anyways if there is a problem with the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Do it. I did it last year, and was encouraged to do so by the teacher (she was actually the one who brought it up). At least at our school, having it on the form was helpful to them in making sure it happened. I felt a little bad about it, as I felt most parents would probably want to avoid the kid in question, and tried to phrase my reasons neutrally though I'm sure everyone could read between the lines. I think I wrote something like 'if possible, we would like Larlo separated from Marlo next year, as their interactions in class this year have been troublesome and are impacting Larlo's enthusiasm about school and ability to focus on learning'.

[Anonymous]

^ fwiw, my child was a kindergartener. I generally agree that kids need to learn to deal with the bad stuff o their own, but if s child isn't mature enough to do so and its causing them stress on a daily basis, leaving them in that situation isn't productive. I remember my own peer conflict in third grade, which actually fed into a mild depression. If I had been placed with that girl again in 4th, I can only imagine I would have had another bad year instead of really coming out of my shell like I did

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for these responses. I agree that kids need to learn to sort these problems out, but these two children have had two years to do so and they haven't. My kid has things to work on and we are doing that, but I don't think ongoing daily contact with this other child will help. I have no interest in calling out the kid -- the whole point of this post is that I would like to avoid doing this. I haven't complained to the school and don't plan to. However, I want to make sure they are separated next year. I will do as another poster suggested and couch the request in neutral terms.