Avoiding another child in class selection

[Anonymous]

We did this in a DC charter school after many, many incidents with another child in K. Request was honored, no problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know one set of parents who did this because they wanted to avoid some children with special needs. I know some other parents avoided this couple after they did this but then I heard their own child is kind of an anxious mess so maybe it made sense for them.

My kid is the SN kid - and I asked that one child not be placed in her class this year due to how she treated my child - and the request was honored.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you agree your child is being bullied? If so why haven't you complained sooner to the school? Either you are blowing this totally out of proportion or aren't doing enough.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP - you can request it and I would in your shoes. Why not? They ask for you to provide info in order to assign kids to classes - you should provide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said, "The kid is just consistently mean to my kid, excludes her, tells her she doesn't like her."

There are four kids who do act this way to my child who has special needs. They may be your kids, PPs. Should I go to school on Monday and fill out a bullying report? Because if the consensus here is yes this is actually bullying I will and you'll be shocked because it'll be your kids in the principal's office.

OMG please do. if it was my kid I'd want to know. I won't have my child acting cruel to others!

[Anonymous]

You should ask, but be aware that it might mean your kids might not get the best teacher. We did this because 2 boys literally could not keep their hands off my son. Unfortunately, he was then split from most of his class that went on to another class together. It all worked out but asking not to be with a certain student might mean that you don't get the teacher you want. So, there is a line the schools must walk in balancing classes and kids....strong teachers sometimes get more of the challenging kids. Not exponentially more but maybe the weakest teacher gets 3 ADHD boys and the stronger one gets 4.....

[Anonymous]

You should ask, but be aware that it might mean your kids might not get the best teacher

I did this, realizing that my son would not get the teacher I would have preferred. However, being with the other child outweighed the teacher. It was the right call. In DS's case, he liked the kid. The problem was that the kid had great influence on him. (The child lived next door and was a serious problem. Lots of destructive behavior.) Absolutely, the right decision.

Also, DD was bullied in fourth grade. The counselor then handpicked which class to put her in. The purpose was not to choose the teacher--but the kids. The counselor did this for fifth and sixth and there was a huge difference. In both years, there might have been a better teacher--but both years were very good for DD. Big change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know one set of parents who did this because they wanted to avoid some children with special needs. I know some other parents avoided this couple after they did this but then I heard their own child is kind of an anxious mess so maybe it made sense for them.

My kid is the SN kid - and I asked that one child not be placed in her class this year due to how she treated my child - and the request was honored.

We had the opposite problem;

My partner and I have always encouraged our child to be inclusive, open minded, and kind towards all humans without any judgment, including those directly around her.

There was a special needs kid who was mainstreamed (google it) into the class last year and our child befriended the special needs kid; most of the rest of the class avoided the special needs kid (I cannot prove that the parents encouraged the shunning, but I have a strong suspicion. We were one of the only parents who agreed to a play date with this child.).

Problem was our normal child started mimicking many of the bad behaviors of the special needs child. We were sent several discipline reports which only involved our child and the special needs child (not listening; not following teacher instructions).

We understand the issue; I get it - the special needs kid LACKED impulse control and was (and is) way behind developmentally, emotionally, and academically. Our child was not behind in any of those areas. If fact, our child was just accepted into AAP for next year.

In the end, we did not make any request for this year. We just stayed out of it. By luck, that child is not in our child's class. As far as we know, there are no special needs children in our child's class this year. The school disciplinary reports have stopped. And although we never said anything whatsoever, our child has come to understand that those bad behaviors are not acceptable in the classroom or at home.

[Anonymous]

It happens all the time for all sorts of reasons. I know a couple of girls who were BFFs and had to be put in different classes due to their friendship and how they excluded other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By luck, that child is not in our child's class. As far as we know, there are no special needs children in our child's class this year. The school disciplinary reports have stopped. And although we never said anything whatsoever, our child has come to understand that those bad behaviors are not acceptable in the classroom or at home.

I hate to break it to you but the probability of that happening, even in AAP unless they are discriminating, is probably zero. There are always children with some kind of special needs in every public school classroom in America. It's great you are trying to teach your child to be inclusive but you should not blame the special needs child for your own child's behavior issues last year. My DS is friends with a child with some behavioral issues at school and has never imitated him. I don't consider the friendship to be my child's way of being "inclusive." He likes this child and they have similar interests. I also think he gets a lot out of being this child's friend because he has learned empathy, how to be supportive, how to be loyal, how to see the positive in every person.

[Anonymous]

It's great you are trying to teach your child to be inclusive but you should not blame the special needs child for your own child's behavior issues last year. My DS is friends with a child with some behavioral issues at school and has never imitated him. I don't consider the friendship to be my child's way of being "inclusive." He likes this child and they have similar interests. I also think he gets a lot out of being this child's friend because he has learned empathy, how to be supportive, how to be loyal, how to see the positive in every person.

I'm neither PP on this. However, you have no idea what the child was like. ALL "special needs kids" are not alike. Some can even be manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Dh was with a mean girl in second grade. I wrote on DDs feedback form for third grade, "Due to social reasons, do not place Lara with Suzy. They were placed in different 3rd grade classes. DD and the girl do the same after school club 2 days a week. The relationship has not gotten better in 4th grade. Suzy will purposefully come up to the group my dd is talking with and stand in front of DD ultimately pushing DD our of the circle.

They are now in fourth grade and the teachers are not aware of the dynamics so I again wrote, "Due to social reasons, do not place Lara and Suzy in the same class."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You should ask, but be aware that it might mean your kids might not get the best teacher

In most schools, MCPS, you can not out right request a teacher. You can describe the personality you think is best for your child, but you are not guarenteed to get that teacher. However, if you put down to separate from a child, for s valid reason, those requests are honored. Please put it down on the form or talk with the principal. While the classroom teacher helps to make the classes for the following year in the Spring, changes are made over the summer by administration for different reasons. If administration is not aware of your request, the children could be moved together.

[Anonymous]

Yes, request it and document what you've said here. You aren't being unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

They are now in fourth grade and the teachers are not aware of the dynamics so I again wrote, "Due to social reasons, do not place Lara and Suzy in the same class."

Request it. And, be aware that Lara's mom might be writing to request that they be together because Lara is so much happier when she is with Suzy.

Seriously. When I was teaching, the principal had two such requests. Pretty sure he honored the one that did NOT want them together.

I had a friend whose next door neighbor's child was in K with her DD. The neighbor's child had special needs and they wanted him with the little girl (who was a very nice little girl.) However, the little boy would not leave her side. The next year, both her mom and the K teacher requested they be separated. It just was not fair to the little girl.