A Mother's Reckoning by Susan Klebold

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it and I have also read Columbine. In addition, I'm a mental health professional and mother of teens. I found the book to be very moving, honest and painful. Sue K. accepts responsibility for what she and her husband missed; but you can see how easy it would be to miss what they did. She blames herself for not paying close enough attention but Dylan, and especially Eric, fooled many people including teachers, counselors and law enforcement. The Klebolds seemed like a very loving family who just didn't get how seriously depressed their child was. Put yourself in their place - the kid was going to college and had just gone happily to the prom. What would you have suspected?

Dylan was still spending most of his free time with Eric. After the trouble that those two had gotten into - why were they still hanging around each other so much?

I have always thought that those two spun off of each other and that they were emboldened by each other to do this. If the two of them had not been together, Columbine would not have happened.

Dylan probably would have gone off to college where the st*ff would have hit the fan for him but in not such a violent way. The kid was not stable.

Anybody who thinks they can control who their 17-18 year-old kids hang out with hasn't had teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed. I get that some of you think she missed things. I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually. I think she made some big mistakes. But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her. In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things. Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric. Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class. It was flagged but nothing done. In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too. Nothing violent or over the top bad. But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having. But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college. So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything. I think their lawsuits were ludicrous. She didn't pull the trigger. Plus, she has paid dearly. Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life. She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.

Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit? I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way. Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did). But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath? Is that even possible? And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with? That was a bad call.

They were not expelled. Dylan had no diagnosis of depression. And the office through which both boys completed a diversionary program for theft allowed them an early exit from the program for exemplary behavior.

In the week or so before the massacre, Dylan went on a college visit and went to prom.

It's not as black and white as you think. Even teachers missed things. And certainly none of the red flags indicated they would do what they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^And I am not about to get into whether or not the lawsuits brought by the victims and the victims' families were or were not "ludicrous". Obviously that was for a judge/jury to decide.

I will say that as a parent I can totally understand how enormously devastating this whole thing was to them - not just for the victims who lost their lives but for the injured victims whose young lives will never again be the same. So much was stolen that day. Those people were robbed.

They settled after depositions. And anyone can sue for anything. That doesn't mean the complaints have merit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed. I get that some of you think she missed things. I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually. I think she made some big mistakes. But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her. In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things. Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric. Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class. It was flagged but nothing done. In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too. Nothing violent or over the top bad. But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having. But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college. So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything. I think their lawsuits were ludicrous. She didn't pull the trigger. Plus, she has paid dearly. Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life. She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.

Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit? I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way. Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did). But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath? Is that even possible? And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with? That was a bad call.

They were not expelled. Dylan had no diagnosis of depression. And the office through which both boys completed a diversionary program for theft allowed them an early exit from the program for exemplary behavior.

In the week or so before the massacre, Dylan went on a college visit and went to prom.

It's not as black and white as you think. Even teachers missed things. And certainly none of the red flags indicated they would do what they did.

You're right - they were suspended from school. Not expelled. And at least one teacher did bring a disturbing story written by Dylan to his parents' attention. It was dismissed by Dylan and his parents as "just a story". Lots of things were dismissed.

The first thing that police noticed when they entered Dylan's room after Columbine was a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser in plain view...the signs were in plain sight.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of denial on display here, and I can understand why. It's hard to imagine that a kid who was raised in a loving family, who had two involved parents, who seemed - for the most part - 'normal' - could be involved in such a horrific event. That's why her book is so valuable. She doesn't shirk responsibility, I don't see how you can read her book and get that. Eric and Dylan had two different diagnoses - there's consensus on that. The combination was the problem. And, as I have posted before, they didn't just fool their parents, they fooled law enforcement and therapists, teachers and counselors. Eric actually did scare someone - and she reported it repeatedly to law enforcement (Brooks' mom), but they didn't follow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it and I have also read Columbine. In addition, I'm a mental health professional and mother of teens. I found the book to be very moving, honest and painful. Sue K. accepts responsibility for what she and her husband missed; but you can see how easy it would be to miss what they did. She blames herself for not paying close enough attention but Dylan, and especially Eric, fooled many people including teachers, counselors and law enforcement. The Klebolds seemed like a very loving family who just didn't get how seriously depressed their child was. Put yourself in their place - the kid was going to college and had just gone happily to the prom. What would you have suspected?

Dylan was still spending most of his free time with Eric. After the trouble that those two had gotten into - why were they still hanging around each other so much?

I have always thought that those two spun off of each other and that they were emboldened by each other to do this. If the two of them had not been together, Columbine would not have happened.

Dylan probably would have gone off to college where the st*ff would have hit the fan for him but in not such a violent way. The kid was not stable.

PP who read the profile in Solomon's book here. I didn't read the rest of the responses but Solomon made it clear that the Klebolds believed that each boy carried out 1/2 of the plan that the other wanted. Harris was homicidal and Dylan went along with the shootings. Dylan was suicidal and they believe Eric went along with killing himself because that's the only way Dylan would assist him with the other plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot of denial on display here, and I can understand why. It's hard to imagine that a kid who was raised in a loving family, who had two involved parents, who seemed - for the most part - 'normal' - could be involved in such a horrific event. That's why her book is so valuable. She doesn't shirk responsibility, I don't see how you can read her book and get that. Eric and Dylan had two different diagnoses - there's consensus on that. The combination was the problem. And, as I have posted before, they didn't just fool their parents, they fooled law enforcement and therapists, teachers and counselors. Eric actually did scare someone - and she reported it repeatedly to law enforcement (Brooks' mom), but they didn't follow up.

Eric's father was keeping a list of all of the trouble his son had been getting into. I don't know that his parents were denying that their kid had a major problem. Eric was taking anger management classes...surely there was a reason for that. I have not read all of the reports and I only have the most surface layer of the details but there was a heck of a lot going on with that kid. He was disturbed. And people knew and recognized that he was disturbed.

The parents (not sure if it was Dylan's or Eric's) had apparently caught the boys with their bomb making equipment....there was a lot of holy sh*t moments with those two. And apparently the solution was to back off saying to yourself "I didn't see that, I didn't see that, I didn't see that..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed. I get that some of you think she missed things. I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually. I think she made some big mistakes. But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her. In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things. Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric. Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class. It was flagged but nothing done. In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too. Nothing violent or over the top bad. But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having. But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college. So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything. I think their lawsuits were ludicrous. She didn't pull the trigger. Plus, she has paid dearly. Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life. She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.

Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit? I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way. Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did). But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath? Is that even possible? And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with? That was a bad call.

They were not expelled. Dylan had no diagnosis of depression. And the office through which both boys completed a diversionary program for theft allowed them an early exit from the program for exemplary behavior.

In the week or so before the massacre, Dylan went on a college visit and went to prom.

It's not as black and white as you think. Even teachers missed things. And certainly none of the red flags indicated they would do what they did.

You're right - they were suspended from school. Not expelled. And at least one teacher did bring a disturbing story written by Dylan to his parents' attention. It was dismissed by Dylan and his parents as "just a story". Lots of things were dismissed.

The first thing that police noticed when they entered Dylan's room after Columbine was a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser in plain view...the signs were in plain sight.

The story was dismissed by the parents b/c the teachers/school said they were handling it and would follow up if there were concerns. They didn't. Should the parents have followed up? I would have. But, that is not solely on the parents.

In fact, the police did not discover a stash of Eric's weapons hidden in his room during the first search. After watching the "Basement Tapes" the police realized things were missed and went back to find it. So even the POLICE missed things during the search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed. I get that some of you think she missed things. I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually. I think she made some big mistakes. But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her. In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things. Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric. Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class. It was flagged but nothing done. In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too. Nothing violent or over the top bad. But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having. But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college. So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything. I think their lawsuits were ludicrous. She didn't pull the trigger. Plus, she has paid dearly. Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life. She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.

Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit? I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way. Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did). But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath? Is that even possible? And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with? That was a bad call.

They were not expelled. Dylan had no diagnosis of depression. And the office through which both boys completed a diversionary program for theft allowed them an early exit from the program for exemplary behavior.

In the week or so before the massacre, Dylan went on a college visit and went to prom.

It's not as black and white as you think. Even teachers missed things. And certainly none of the red flags indicated they would do what they did.

You're right - they were suspended from school. Not expelled. And at least one teacher did bring a disturbing story written by Dylan to his parents' attention. It was dismissed by Dylan and his parents as "just a story". Lots of things were dismissed.

The first thing that police noticed when they entered Dylan's room after Columbine was a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser in plain view...the signs were in plain sight.

The story was dismissed by the parents b/c the teachers/school said they were handling it and would follow up if there were concerns. They didn't. Should the parents have followed up? I would have. But, that is not solely on the parents.

In fact, the police did not discover a stash of Eric's weapons hidden in his room during the first search. After watching the "Basement Tapes" the police realized things were missed and went back to find it. So even the POLICE missed things during the search.

The police walked into *Dylan's* room and immediately saw a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser - in plain view.

And of course it is up to the people who care about the child the most *the parents* to follow up on disturbing reports about their son. A teacher saw the kid for an hour a day in her classroom. She didn't raise the kid, she didn't know jack about his home life or his mental health. The teacher read a disturbing paper that the kid had written and brought it to his *parents* attention. To say that the parents just brushed it off, didn't worry about it because they thought that the school was handling it...just speaks volumes. Doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed. I get that some of you think she missed things. I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually. I think she made some big mistakes. But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her. In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things. Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric. Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class. It was flagged but nothing done. In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too. Nothing violent or over the top bad. But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having. But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college. So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything. I think their lawsuits were ludicrous. She didn't pull the trigger. Plus, she has paid dearly. Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life. She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.

Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit? I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way. Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did). But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath? Is that even possible? And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with? That was a bad call.

They were not expelled. Dylan had no diagnosis of depression. And the office through which both boys completed a diversionary program for theft allowed them an early exit from the program for exemplary behavior.

In the week or so before the massacre, Dylan went on a college visit and went to prom.

It's not as black and white as you think. Even teachers missed things. And certainly none of the red flags indicated they would do what they did.

You're right - they were suspended from school. Not expelled. And at least one teacher did bring a disturbing story written by Dylan to his parents' attention. It was dismissed by Dylan and his parents as "just a story". Lots of things were dismissed.

The first thing that police noticed when they entered Dylan's room after Columbine was a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser in plain view...the signs were in plain sight.

The story was dismissed by the parents b/c the teachers/school said they were handling it and would follow up if there were concerns. They didn't. Should the parents have followed up? I would have. But, that is not solely on the parents.

In fact, the police did not discover a stash of Eric's weapons hidden in his room during the first search. After watching the "Basement Tapes" the police realized things were missed and went back to find it. So even the POLICE missed things during the search.

The police walked into *Dylan's* room and immediately saw a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser - in plain view.

And of course it is up to the people who care about the child the most *the parents* to follow up on disturbing reports about their son. A teacher saw the kid for an hour a day in her classroom. She didn't raise the kid, she didn't know jack about his home life or his mental health. The teacher read a disturbing paper that the kid had written and brought it to his *parents* attention. To say that the parents just brushed it off, didn't worry about it because they thought that the school was handling it...just speaks volumes. Doesn't it?

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed. I get that some of you think she missed things. I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually. I think she made some big mistakes. But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her. In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things. Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric. Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class. It was flagged but nothing done. In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too. Nothing violent or over the top bad. But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having. But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college. So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything. I think their lawsuits were ludicrous. She didn't pull the trigger. Plus, she has paid dearly. Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life. She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.

Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit? I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way. Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did). But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath? Is that even possible? And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with? That was a bad call.

They were not expelled. Dylan had no diagnosis of depression. And the office through which both boys completed a diversionary program for theft allowed them an early exit from the program for exemplary behavior.

In the week or so before the massacre, Dylan went on a college visit and went to prom.

It's not as black and white as you think. Even teachers missed things. And certainly none of the red flags indicated they would do what they did.

You're right - they were suspended from school. Not expelled. And at least one teacher did bring a disturbing story written by Dylan to his parents' attention. It was dismissed by Dylan and his parents as "just a story". Lots of things were dismissed.

The first thing that police noticed when they entered Dylan's room after Columbine was a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser in plain view...the signs were in plain sight.

The story was dismissed by the parents b/c the teachers/school said they were handling it and would follow up if there were concerns. They didn't. Should the parents have followed up? I would have. But, that is not solely on the parents.

In fact, the police did not discover a stash of Eric's weapons hidden in his room during the first search. After watching the "Basement Tapes" the police realized things were missed and went back to find it. So even the POLICE missed things during the search.

The police walked into *Dylan's* room and immediately saw a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser - in plain view.

And of course it is up to the people who care about the child the most *the parents* to follow up on disturbing reports about their son. A teacher saw the kid for an hour a day in her classroom. She didn't raise the kid, she didn't know jack about his home life or his mental health. The teacher read a disturbing paper that the kid had written and brought it to his *parents* attention. To say that the parents just brushed it off, didn't worry about it because they thought that the school was handling it...just speaks volumes. Doesn't it?

Volumes of what? Those parents weren't perfect but it's a leap to say they are responsible. I'm not willing to string them up and paradise them around with torches and pitchforks. I hope your parenting is perfect lest you be judged as harshly as you like to fish it out. (Also I don't think you're right about finding a gun in Dylan's room. Can you show me where you're getting that bc I'm curious. )

You are also viewing things with the benefit of 15 years hindsight. We know more (and sadly have experienced more of these incidents) since 1999.

[Anonymous]

I would not be believing much of anything these parents have to say, especially Susan. She needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read it and I have also read Columbine. In addition, I'm a mental health professional and mother of teens. I found the book to be very moving, honest and painful. Sue K. accepts responsibility for what she and her husband missed; but you can see how easy it would be to miss what they did. She blames herself for not paying close enough attention but Dylan, and especially Eric, fooled many people including teachers, counselors and law enforcement. The Klebolds seemed like a very loving family who just didn't get how seriously depressed their child was. Put yourself in their place - the kid was going to college and had just gone happily to the prom. What would you have suspected?

I could have written this exactly, except instead of being a mental health professional, I'm a HS teacher who has worked with literally thousands of adolescents over decades. We'd all like to to believe otherwise, but the reality is that good parents can have children who do terrible things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read it and I have also read Columbine. In addition, I'm a mental health professional and mother of teens. I found the book to be very moving, honest and painful. Sue K. accepts responsibility for what she and her husband missed; but you can see how easy it would be to miss what they did. She blames herself for not paying close enough attention but Dylan, and especially Eric, fooled many people including teachers, counselors and law enforcement. The Klebolds seemed like a very loving family who just didn't get how seriously depressed their child was. Put yourself in their place - the kid was going to college and had just gone happily to the prom. What would you have suspected?

I could have written this exactly, except instead of being a mental health professional, I'm a HS teacher who has worked with literally thousands of adolescents over decades. We'd all like to to believe otherwise, but the reality is that good parents can have children who do terrible things.

Good parents would NOT have their heads in the sand. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed. I get that some of you think she missed things. I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually. I think she made some big mistakes. But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her. In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things. Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric. Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class. It was flagged but nothing done. In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too. Nothing violent or over the top bad. But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having. But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college. So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything. I think their lawsuits were ludicrous. She didn't pull the trigger. Plus, she has paid dearly. Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life. She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.

Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit? I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way. Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did). But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath? Is that even possible? And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with? That was a bad call.

They were not expelled. Dylan had no diagnosis of depression. And the office through which both boys completed a diversionary program for theft allowed them an early exit from the program for exemplary behavior.

In the week or so before the massacre, Dylan went on a college visit and went to prom.

It's not as black and white as you think. Even teachers missed things. And certainly none of the red flags indicated they would do what they did.

You're right - they were suspended from school. Not expelled. And at least one teacher did bring a disturbing story written by Dylan to his parents' attention. It was dismissed by Dylan and his parents as "just a story". Lots of things were dismissed.

The first thing that police noticed when they entered Dylan's room after Columbine was a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser in plain view...the signs were in plain sight.

The story was dismissed by the parents b/c the teachers/school said they were handling it and would follow up if there were concerns. They didn't. Should the parents have followed up? I would have. But, that is not solely on the parents.

In fact, the police did not discover a stash of Eric's weapons hidden in his room during the first search. After watching the "Basement Tapes" the police realized things were missed and went back to find it. So even the POLICE missed things during the search.

The police walked into *Dylan's* room and immediately saw a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser - in plain view.

And of course it is up to the people who care about the child the most *the parents* to follow up on disturbing reports about their son. A teacher saw the kid for an hour a day in her classroom. She didn't raise the kid, she didn't know jack about his home life or his mental health. The teacher read a disturbing paper that the kid had written and brought it to his *parents* attention. To say that the parents just brushed it off, didn't worry about it because they thought that the school was handling it...just speaks volumes. Doesn't it?

Volumes of what? Those parents weren't perfect but it's a leap to say they are responsible. I'm not willing to string them up and paradise them around with torches and pitchforks. I hope your parenting is perfect lest you be judged as harshly as you like to fish it out. (Also I don't think you're right about finding a gun in Dylan's room. Can you show me where you're getting that bc I'm curious. )

You are also viewing things with the benefit of 15 years hindsight. We know more (and sadly have experienced more of these incidents) since 1999.

I'm not blaming these parents for the tragedy at Columbine. But it is important to point out that this wasn't a regular happy go lucky kid who just up and snapped right along with his friend one day. That isn't what happened. There were signs that this kid was troubled. I don't know if the parents assumed that the school was "handling" it all for them or not. I do not get the impression that Susan Klebold is saying that she and her husband expected the school to handle their son. It was the comment that the pp made indicating that the parents weren't worried because they thought that the school was handling it all that I found pretty amazing. I can see how a bunch of good people could have completely underestimated the extent of this kid's problems because they were only seeing pieces of the picture. Dylan's parents obviously knew there son's history a bit better than anyone else did. Of course they did.

I read in one of the summaries of the extremely lengthy reports that the sawed off shotgun was found on Dylan's dresser by police, after the shooting.