Reply to A Mother's Reckoning by Susan Klebold

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I did read the book and some of the comments on here are really uninformed.  I get that some of you think she missed things.  I do, too. Quite a lot of things, actually.  I think she made some big mistakes.  But, none of those mistakes are something that I would consider as a reason to blame her.  In fact, I've had friends with children who got into much more trouble than this kid and ended up just fine.

I also think the big thing to remember is it wasn't just the parents that missed things.  Others trained at dealing with children failed to catch him and Eric.  Dylan did have at least 1 violent writing that he submitted for a class.  It was flagged but nothing done.  In his trouble with Eric the year before -breaking into an empty van and stealing- he completed all his diversionary program's requirements and was discharged from the program early for exemplary behavior. The kid hid a LOT.

I think back to my own adolescence and I hit a lot, too.  Nothing violent or over the top bad.  But there were lots of things my parents did know, people I was with and places I went and drinking I was doing and sex I was having.  But, at home, I was an A+ cheerleader, in the NHS, I had a job, and was going off to college.  So, I don't think it's incomprehensible that she did not see things.

The issue i have with her book is a) the willingness to more or less blame the other kid (Eric). I don't doubt his maliciousness and influence over a depressed Dylan. But, Dylan participated equally. And B) I think she goes just a bit too far to painting their family as sunshine and rainbows.

My last thought is this: She doesn't "owe" the victims anything.  I think their lawsuits were ludicrous.  She didn't pull the trigger.  Plus, she has paid dearly.  Financially ruined. Divorce. Her own physical and mental health deteriorated. Her family received DEATH THREATS. She has to live with what her son did for the rest of her life.  She has apologized to the victims (some accepted it; some did not). She's done enough.
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Maybe if you had gotten yourself arrested, expelled and your grades tanked your parents would have reined you in a bit?  I think you are comparing a teen w/normal (although a bit wild) social life and school involvement to teens who had gotten in trouble together before and were in the process of going off the rails in a big way.  Eric has been described as a seriously disturbed psychopath. That is not an every day sort of diagnosis...

There probably isn't a teen in history that hasn't pulled the wool over their parents' eyes about something (I know I sure did).  But to not know that your kid is a freakin' psychopath?  Is that even possible?  And to allow your depressed kid to hang out with someone that he had a history of getting in trouble with?  That was a bad call.[/quote]

They were not expelled. Dylan had no diagnosis of depression. And the office through which both boys completed a diversionary program for theft allowed them an early exit from the program for exemplary behavior.

In the week or so before the massacre, Dylan went on a college visit and went to prom.

It's not as black and white as you think. Even teachers missed things.  And certainly none of the red flags indicated they would do what they did.

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You're right - they were suspended from school. Not expelled.  And at least one teacher did bring a disturbing story written by Dylan to his parents' attention.  It was dismissed by Dylan and his parents as "just a story".  Lots of things were dismissed.

The first thing that police noticed when they entered Dylan's room after Columbine was a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser in plain view...the signs were in plain sight.[/quote]

The story was dismissed by the parents b/c the teachers/school said they were handling it and would follow up if there were concerns. They didn't.  Should the parents have followed up? I would have. But, that is not solely on the parents.

In fact, the police did not discover a stash of Eric's weapons hidden in his room during the first search.  After watching the "Basement Tapes" the police realized things were missed and went back to find it. So even the POLICE missed things during the search.  
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The police walked into *Dylan's* room and immediately saw a sawed off shotgun laying across his dresser - in plain view.

And of course it is up to the people who care about the child the most *the parents* to follow up on disturbing reports about their son.  A teacher saw the kid for an hour a day in her classroom.  She didn't raise the kid, she didn't know jack about his home life or his mental health.  The teacher read a disturbing paper that the kid had written and brought it to his *parents* attention.  To say that the parents just brushed it off, didn't worry about it because they thought that the school was handling it...just speaks volumes.  Doesn't it?[/quote]

Volumes of what? Those parents weren't perfect but it's a leap to say they are responsible. I'm not willing to string them up and paradise them around with torches and pitchforks. I hope your parenting is perfect lest you be judged as harshly as you like to fish it out. (Also I don't think you're right about finding a gun in Dylan's room. Can you show me where you're getting that bc I'm curious. )

You are also viewing things with the benefit of 15 years hindsight. We know more (and sadly have experienced more of these incidents) since 1999. [/quote]

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