How to gently tell ILs we will not be going there for Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this last year, though for different reasons. We told them early what are plans were and invited them to plan around it.

Early is key. OP, you aren't thinking ahead, but thinking about it at just the right time. If you are planning, you should give them the same opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking ahead, I know, but in the past we've gone to my ILs house for Christmas because I am not Christian and they are. They're a small family and there is a crazy aunt involved who won't travel the four hours to visit us (she's scared of the traffic, and we've offered solutions like train, bus, meeting her an hour away so that one of us can drive her car in, having her visit with friends who will drive her, etc.) but wants to see us at Christmas. Anyway, it's been a big hassle visiting them ever since we had DS because, you know, it's a pain traveling with a toddler, and also because they live in a really small town and DS gets really antsy at their house (DH never wants to go out and do anything, and DS and I get super bored - this Christmas I had to basically BEG him to tell us how to get to the closest playground since it was so nice outside and DS needed to run around). This year, we'll have a new baby that will be about 5 months old around Christmas time and I really, really don't want to travel, plus I don't think I'll be able to take much time off after maternity leave. Oh, and I didn't mention, DH's parents are very involved in their church so they won't want to miss their church services to come to us over Christmas (but maybe they can come before or after and bring crazy Aunt with them). I also think we're our own family now and we should start our own Christmas traditions. How do I gently broach the subject with DH and ILs that I want to stay home for Christmas this year? I feel like I made a bad mistake by setting this precedent every year since we've been married (10 years) and now it's just an assumption that it will happen.

My family is SO flexible about travel plans, doesn't need to work around any holidays, this has never been an issue for me!!

Plan to go on vacation with just your family, that's a good one. We did that many Xmas's and worked great, got away from all the family drama. Did a couple of cruises too with just our kids. Wonderful memories, no inlaws.. or b.s.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP, it sounds like you just don't want to celebrate Christmas anymore with your ILs. It's not really about the age of the kids -- it's that you're bored at your ILs place and you want to start your own Christmas traditions, even though you aren't Christian.

If your DH is on board with this, then fine. If I were your DH, I wouldn't be. I'd be okay with skipping a few trips when the kids are young, because it is indeed a hassle to travel with kids are that little, but wouldn't be okay if you tried to make this a forever thing.

[Anonymous]

We tried, and then they said they were coming here for 1.5 weeks. We said oh hell no (albeit gently ) and now they aren't talking to us! The nerve of us to not want memories of them all yelling at each other, making racist comments about me and our child (I'm black and he's white.) I told DH I just can't handle another holiday of it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP, it sounds like you just don't want to celebrate Christmas anymore with your ILs. It's not really about the age of the kids -- it's that you're bored at your ILs place and you want to start your own Christmas traditions, even though you aren't Christian.

If your DH is on board with this, then fine. If I were your DH, I wouldn't be. I'd be okay with skipping a few trips when the kids are young, because it is indeed a hassle to travel with kids are that little, but wouldn't be okay if you tried to make this a forever thing.

You don't have to be Christian to have your own traditions. And there is nothing wrong with making traditions as your own little family. I mean, seriously??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We tried, and then they said they were coming here for 1.5 weeks. We said oh hell no (albeit gently ) and now they aren't talking to us! The nerve of us to not want memories of them all yelling at each other, making racist comments about me and our child (I'm black and he's white.) I told DH I just can't handle another holiday of it!

Wait - they were going to come for 1.5 weeks over Xmas or another time of the year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We tried, and then they said they were coming here for 1.5 weeks. We said oh hell no (albeit gently ) and now they aren't talking to us! The nerve of us to not want memories of them all yelling at each other, making racist comments about me and our child (I'm black and he's white.) I told DH I just can't handle another holiday of it!

Wait - they were going to come for 1.5 weeks over Xmas or another time of the year?

Over Christmas. 10 days. Cover it from front to back