DWs with controlling husbands

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did OP just post this topic to troll any women who answered honestly?

Most likely.

[Anonymous]

If not OP, some psycho troll for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did OP just post this topic to troll any women who answered honestly?

Most likely.

This seems to happen on every thread like this and every thread about outright abuse. Usually starts with a vague OP, then women start sharing and boom, someone swoops in almost immediately to attack them one by one. It's disgusting but it happens so consistently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A controlling husband is someone demanding you do things he himself would not do.

If he wants access to your email, phone, texts, Facebook, whatever, then he has to let you look at his.

If he goes to the gym, guy night out, whatever, then you have that too.

If he spends money without talking to you about it, then so can you. No matter which one of you brings in the money.

An equal marriage is a quid pro quo marriage.

Anything else is borderline abuse or actual abuse. There should be no power struggle and he is NOT your daddy.

Wow this is a pretty stupid definition of "controlling."

Do you actually mean to say that both parties to a marriage must all do exactly the same thing? That they shouldn't do different chores or tasks based on their respective strengths and weaknesses? If I'm a great cook, and my wife is a klutz in the kitchen, we both need to cook an equal amount of meals? If she's better at child care than I am, much more efficient at those tasks, we should each do an equal amount of it?

You know the notion of tit for tat or quid pro quo is actually a very destructive concept to any relationship, and taken literally, as you and many others seem to have, the notion pretty much dooms a relationship to failure, because your unrealistic expectations will inevitably be disappointed sooner or later.

Don't EVER call me stupid you fucking ugly bitch.

OK sorry. Is it O.K. if I call you polite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a work in progress, but unfortunately a lifetime of a use and boundary violation made - makes - my ability to filter out toxic people weak.

I enjoy my husband in many ways, but the unpredictability and the anger is draining. I keep my distance at times. We're in counseling twice a week, on top of us each being in therapy, so I can say at least we're committed.

Most likely you give as good or better than you get. That's the part that's always left out in these sort of "Waahhh I have a vagina therefore I am a victim" sorts of stories.

Go back to your internet dungeon InCel sites, you troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did OP just post this topic to troll any women who answered honestly?

Most likely.

AP is married to controlling DH, trying to gain perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been gaslighted so much that I can't give you examples of the controlling behavior, apart from the gaslighting.

Same here, PP, and it makes me worry that people think I'm making it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:26, I'm the poster from 20:19 with the "annoying but not controlling" husband. I didn't list all the details in my post, but yes, he WAS controlling. My email and social media were not private. I was barely allowed to do things on my own and he had slowly started cutting me off from friends and family. We had a high HHI and no debt, but I was not allowed to spend any money without permission, and I had to track every penny.

I had to get a restraining order to move out safely. So no, he was not just "annoying." He was controlling and abusive.

And from what I have learned, controlling spouses are also usually abusive.

I'm just trying to understand what "controlling" actually means since everyone seems to define it differently. How is it that you were unable to set up a private email account? Gmail, and others, are free. Most social media isn't private (facebook?) unless you block someone, right? Social media is social, not "private." It's meant to be seen by others. What does it mean that he barely allowed you to do things on your own? [b] Did you not have a driver's license or access to money for transportation? What does slowly cutting you off from friends and family even mean? You couldn't telephone them? You couldn't visit them? What was he actually doing that prevented you from doing what you wanted? When you say he didn't allow you to have any money without permission, does this mean that he was the sole income earner and you had no access to any credit cards or bank accounts?

Lots of women can get a restraining order simply by making an accusation. You don't say what he actually did though. Everything is your characterization or conclusion.

All I'm trying to find out is what he actually did to you.

You are obviously a man. You are blaming the victim. Yes, we are humans who theoretically can make our own decisions, but when the person who supposedly loves you is instead watching your every move, using their emotions as a weapon against you, twisting your words so you're somehow always to blame, and belittling you at every opportunity, it's hard to dig yourself out from under the daily and constant barrage of abuse, and you start to believe all of the horrible things he says. You want to hide the truth--not only because he has bullied you into protecting his image, but because you feel like absolute scum for allowing him to do this to you and not knowing how to stop it. you still have an inkling that you're not always wrong and you aren't stupid or a bitch or whatever ugly things he calls you, but you agree to keep the peace and it becomes increasingly difficult to put your finger on what exactly the problem is and why your marriage won't get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading my email.
Reading my texts.
Following me or dropping by when I am out with friends to make sure I am where I say I am.
Accusing me of cheating. (I have never cheated.)
Intentionally doing things to frighten me (driving aggressively, leaving me alone at a concert).
Giving me the silent treatment until I do what he wants me to do.
Giving me the silent treatment when I try to have a hard conversation about our relationship.
Not engaging emotionally.
Shutting down sexually.
Turning things around to make them my fault.
Disappearing.
Lying.
Gas lighting.[/quot


Disgraceful. No way to live. I have a friend whose husband used to call her a loser and unattractive. She is certainly neither.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading my email.
Reading my texts.
Following me or dropping by when I am out with friends to make sure I am where I say I am.
Accusing me of cheating. (I have never cheated.)
Intentionally doing things to frighten me (driving aggressively, leaving me alone at a concert).
Giving me the silent treatment until I do what he wants me to do.
Giving me the silent treatment when I try to have a hard conversation about our relationship.
Not engaging emotionally.
Shutting down sexually.
Turning things around to make them my fault.
Disappearing.
Lying.
Gas lighting.[/quot

Disgraceful. No way to live. I have a friend whose husband used to call her a loser and unattractive. She is certainly neither.

The more I read these examples, the angrier I get. No one deserves to be treated in this way.