Cultural Differences, planning 2 wedding receptions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.

We made our decision after discussion with both sides of parents.

Here's some answers to questions:

re: BG paying for guest hotel rooms; I said we can't afford to put everyone up with shelter because some PP had suggested that for our out of town guests who happen to be FI's family members

re: Chinese vs. American food; The catering style is so different it's not just a matter of food, it's completely different color scheme for decoration, diff. customs and traditions for how receiving line is done, and how pictures are done. It doesn't work to incorporate it together.

Final verdict:

We're having 2 receptions. Both families are invited to All events. Whoever wants to pay for hotel rooms are welcomed to do so at their own expense.

Church and western style reception Saturday will consist of a Catholic church ceremony at 1pm. Pictures to follow between 3-4:30. 5pm Cocktail hour at a hotel we decided on this weekend (awaiting booking confirmation and deposit) Reception from 6-11:30pm.

Sunday at 4pm will be traditional Chinese tea ceremony including the whole shebang of qipao, gold jewelry exchange, red envelop collection, tea pouring for parentals and elders, and will cap the night off with traditional Chinese fanfare of red lanterns, gold and silver colored decor, orchids for floral arrangements, and traditional 12 course dinner.

Monday = We are sleeping all day!

We have booked both venues, but waiting for confirmation on hotel. We have found our florist, and now I just need to get my act together for several dresses and bridesmaids dress shopping!

The gap between the Church ceremony and reception will suck big time, you might lose some guests straight after dinner, 3 pm - 11:30 pm is a super long time.

You will always lose guests -- some will only be able to make the ceremony, others can only stay til dinner, others will party until the dj pulls the plug. There will also be someone who comes late to the ceremony and a baby that cries during the part where everyone should be quiet. That's part of the fun of weddings -- it's about real life.

I think you did a good job, OP. Good luck have a great wedding weekend!

[Anonymous]

Can you make the ceremony later and then have cocktail hour for the guests while you're doing the photos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.

We made our decision after discussion with both sides of parents.

Here's some answers to questions:

re: BG paying for guest hotel rooms; I said we can't afford to put everyone up with shelter because some PP had suggested that for our out of town guests who happen to be FI's family members

re: Chinese vs. American food; The catering style is so different it's not just a matter of food, it's completely different color scheme for decoration, diff. customs and traditions for how receiving line is done, and how pictures are done. It doesn't work to incorporate it together.

Final verdict:

We're having 2 receptions. Both families are invited to All events. Whoever wants to pay for hotel rooms are welcomed to do so at their own expense.

Church and western style reception Saturday will consist of a Catholic church ceremony at 1pm. Pictures to follow between 3-4:30. 5pm Cocktail hour at a hotel we decided on this weekend (awaiting booking confirmation and deposit) Reception from 6-11:30pm.

Sunday at 4pm will be traditional Chinese tea ceremony including the whole shebang of qipao, gold jewelry exchange, red envelop collection, tea pouring for parentals and elders, and will cap the night off with traditional Chinese fanfare of red lanterns, gold and silver colored decor, orchids for floral arrangements, and traditional 12 course dinner.

Monday = We are sleeping all day!

We have booked both venues, but waiting for confirmation on hotel. We have found our florist, and now I just need to get my act together for several dresses and bridesmaids dress shopping!

The gap between the Church ceremony and reception will suck big time, you might lose some guests straight after dinner, 3 pm - 11:30 pm is a super long time.

The gap is very common, especially for Catholic weddings with an evening reception. Just about every wedding I've been to in the Northeast has been like that.

Op, your wedding weekend sounds wonderful, and a great way to honor both sides. I hope everyone has a great time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you make the ceremony later and then have cocktail hour for the guests while you're doing the photos?

Typically a Catholic wedding has to be in the early afternoon, because the church will have regular services later in the day.

[Anonymous]

OP:

PLEASE STOP CALLING YOUR PARENTS "PARENTALS"

That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you make the ceremony later and then have cocktail hour for the guests while you're doing the photos?

Typically a Catholic wedding has to be in the early afternoon, because the church will have regular services later in the day.

How many 1 hour services does a typical church have on a saturday night? More than one?

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds like what my SIL did, except she had the two weddings/receptions a couple of months apart, with the American one in the groom's family's city and the Asian one in her home city. It was expensive and exhausting for them, but very nice for everyone.

[Anonymous]

You have two wedding receptions IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT.
Food preference is the major thing that will divide the two groups. One group might prefer BBQ and and a beer would be fine and the other is probably Chinese dishes only. And only the closest family members will be invited to both because you still need to merge as a family. State you don't require presents both times just because they attend both-plus, your side will most likely give $.

I totally get you. I'm Chinese married to a white guy.

If you do just one wedding, people will do their best to be there (or they just have to give face to your parents). How do you choose the location? Simply by which of the elderly parents can drive/fly further?
You will need a combination of food. Kinda like a buffet style. And it can't be a Chinese restaurant unless the restaurant can do fusion dishes that would accommodate to the non-Chinese palate. Do what's right for you both, not what's prefer by the elderly. It's ok to keep some traditions but don't abandon all of it.
You can still do the bride pick up part and the Chinese morning session one, and invite close friends/relatives to the Chinese part. In the evening, everyone come together.
And you can still have a combination of music.
If you ask me, that's exhausting to from morning to midnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this sounds like what my SIL did, except she had the two weddings/receptions a couple of months apart, with the American one in the groom's family's city and the Asian one in her home city. It was expensive and exhausting for them, but very nice for everyone.

OP.

We considered the option of splitting it up over 2 weekends about 1 month apart, but ultimately we decided that our current arrangement as I outlined previously is what works best for both families.

To the PP who said you're Chinese and married a white guy, did your white ILs give you gift of gold for the jewelry presentation at the tea ceremony?
Also, did you opt for changing from the wedding dress to an evening dress at your western style reception? I'm torn on this one.
2 reasons:
1. Time consuming
2. Another added expense to buy another dress in additional to the white gown and the chinese Qipao

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you make the ceremony later and then have cocktail hour for the guests while you're doing the photos?

Typically a Catholic wedding has to be in the early afternoon, because the church will have regular services later in the day.

How many 1 hour services does a typical church have on a saturday night? More than one?

Usually one, but a lot of parishes will not hold weddings after Saturday Vigil services. Vigil masses, and all masses held thereafter, satisfy Sunday obligations. It's kind of like how Jewish religions observe from nightfall to nightfall instead of by contemporary calendar days.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like an amazing weekend, OP!!!! Enjoy it. And congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you make the ceremony later and then have cocktail hour for the guests while you're doing the photos?

Typically a Catholic wedding has to be in the early afternoon, because the church will have regular services later in the day.

How many 1 hour services does a typical church have on a saturday night? More than one?

Usually one, but a lot of parishes will not hold weddings after Saturday Vigil services. Vigil masses, and all masses held thereafter, satisfy Sunday obligations. It's kind of like how Jewish religions observe from nightfall to nightfall instead of by contemporary calendar days.

This. Our parish also offered two times for weddings on Saturdays (morning or afternoon). Either way, you're done by 3:30 or 4 at latest (so they can prep for 5pm or 5:30pm mass) and nearly inevitably have a break before starting cocktail hour. We weren't even allowed in our venue (a museum) until like 2 hours after our ceremony ended so it was either give up my dream venue (unlikely!) or have guests deal with a gap. FWIW, I don't think we lost anyone. Local people went home between (some also changed since it was a day wedding but then evening/black tie reception), others went back to the hotel or walked around DC (or hit up a bar or two), but I can't think of anyone we "lost" between the ceremony and reception. They might not have loved it, but it was the only option. It also gave us tons of time for pictures without missing cocktail hour, which I loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.

We made our decision after discussion with both sides of parents.

Here's some answers to questions:

re: BG paying for guest hotel rooms; I said we can't afford to put everyone up with shelter because some PP had suggested that for our out of town guests who happen to be FI's family members

re: Chinese vs. American food; The catering style is so different it's not just a matter of food, it's completely different color scheme for decoration, diff. customs and traditions for how receiving line is done, and how pictures are done. It doesn't work to incorporate it together.

Final verdict:

We're having 2 receptions. Both families are invited to All events. Whoever wants to pay for hotel rooms are welcomed to do so at their own expense.

Church and western style reception Saturday will consist of a Catholic church ceremony at 1pm. Pictures to follow between 3-4:30. 5pm Cocktail hour at a hotel we decided on this weekend (awaiting booking confirmation and deposit) Reception from 6-11:30pm.

Sunday at 4pm will be traditional Chinese tea ceremony including the whole shebang of qipao, gold jewelry exchange, red envelop collection, tea pouring for parentals and elders, and will cap the night off with traditional Chinese fanfare of red lanterns, gold and silver colored decor, orchids for floral arrangements, and traditional 12 course dinner.

Monday = We are sleeping all day!

We have booked both venues, but waiting for confirmation on hotel. We have found our florist, and now I just need to get my act together for several dresses and bridesmaids dress shopping!

The gap between the Church ceremony and reception will suck big time, you might lose some guests straight after dinner, 3 pm - 11:30 pm is a super long time.

I agree - I've been to weddings like this and unless it's in the hotel that most guests are staying in, it's really inconsiderate of your guests. The last wedding like this that I went to, we got kicked out of the church, but the reception venue wasn't open, so we had to sit in the car for an hour and a half waiting for the bride and groom to get back from traipsing across DC for the "money shots" -- happy couple in front of Lincoln Memorial, happy couple in front of the capitol building, letting balloons go on the mall, etc… Such a HUGE waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this sounds like what my SIL did, except she had the two weddings/receptions a couple of months apart, with the American one in the groom's family's city and the Asian one in her home city. It was expensive and exhausting for them, but very nice for everyone.

OP.

We considered the option of splitting it up over 2 weekends about 1 month apart, but ultimately we decided that our current arrangement as I outlined previously is what works best for both families.

To the PP who said you're Chinese and married a white guy, did your white ILs give you gift of gold for the jewelry presentation at the tea ceremony?
Also, did you opt for changing from the wedding dress to an evening dress at your western style reception? I'm torn on this one.
2 reasons:
1. Time consuming
2. Another added expense to buy another dress in additional to the white gown and the chinese Qipao

Wait, what, no one changes out of their wedding dress at their western ceremonies. I'm a different PP, but hell, I wore my sari to my Christian ceremony b/c there was no way in hell I was spending a $1000 on a white dress I didn't even want! But they were on the same day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this sounds like what my SIL did, except she had the two weddings/receptions a couple of months apart, with the American one in the groom's family's city and the Asian one in her home city. It was expensive and exhausting for them, but very nice for everyone.

OP.

We considered the option of splitting it up over 2 weekends about 1 month apart, but ultimately we decided that our current arrangement as I outlined previously is what works best for both families.

To the PP who said you're Chinese and married a white guy, did your white ILs give you gift of gold for the jewelry presentation at the tea ceremony?
Also, did you opt for changing from the wedding dress to an evening dress at your western style reception? I'm torn on this one.
2 reasons:
1. Time consuming
2. Another added expense to buy another dress in additional to the white gown and the chinese Qipao

Wait, what, no one changes out of their wedding dress at their western ceremonies. I'm a different PP, but hell, I wore my sari to my Christian ceremony b/c there was no way in hell I was spending a $1000 on a white dress I didn't even want! But they were on the same day.

What? Plenty of people do, particularly if they have a large or heavy wedding dress. It isn't uncommon to change into a tea length white or ivory dress for the dancing portion.