Cultural Differences, planning 2 wedding receptions
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Anonymous
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My FI and I are in the process of planning our wedding and reception. His family is in another state, the drive would be around 2 hours to get to my hometown which isn't unreasonable. We have major cultural differences, his family is cauasian and I'm chinese with a lot of chinese traditions that we will be expected to follow.
Would it make the most sense to have 2 receptions in a weekend, or better to have 1 that unifies everyone but risk most of his family and friends not able to attend? |
Anonymous
| Why would they not be able to attend? |
Anonymous
| Can't his family stay in hotels in your town? |
Anonymous
| Two receptions so that everyone is happy. Have the Chinese one in the daytime. Caucasian one at night. Invite both sides. The elderly Chinese relatives will probably skip the evening one. The Caucasians will love the free bar at night. Trust me on this one. |
Anonymous
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My two Vietnamese sisters-in-law had their special Viet ceremonies for the engagement, then did one wedding reception, first in Viet dress, then changed into a conventional wedding dress. In the interest of merging the two cultures symbolically, I would try my best to hold just one wedding reception. Surely they are not incompatible! As for travel... I held my wedding in the French countryside. People came from Paris, two hours away, but also California! I was very grateful. |
Anonymous
| Answer the questions OP. |
Anonymous
Op. I wish that the chinese comment was true. The relatives are not old. They love to party and welcome the idea of a reception. The Caucasians are expecting an open bar but we haven't decided if that's how we want to host it yet. We haven't found the right reception venue. We are getting married in a church in the daytime, the chinese tea ceremony will likely be mid-afternoon before the reception begins. I think an American hotel makes the most sense, but my other thought was an elegant chinese restaurant. Sadly though unlike LA and NY, there are not a wide variety of chinese restaurants in the DMV area that are suitable for hosting a reception. |
Anonymous
| Please don't use the word "Caucasian." It needs to be retired like Mongolian and Negro. |
Anonymous
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Could you have the wedding/reception in between your two cities. So 1 hour for each side?
A hotel would definitely be the best venue. No need to worry about drinking and driving, guests can enjoy the evening and walk to their rooms. Those that are late nighters can enjoy part and call it a night in their hotel room or drive home. If this is not possible then I would either offer to pay for hotel rooms of guests coming from out of town or block off some rooms at a nearby hotel with discounted rates for them to have the option to stay in. Even if you paid for their rooms it would still be cheaper than having 2 receptions. |
Anonymous
| One. I'm white and would love to go to a Chinese wedding. Why do you think his family wouldn't attend? |
Anonymous
She keeps avoiding that question. |
Anonymous
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Just have 1. I don't understand why that wouldn't work. I've been to a Chinese wedding and it was beautiful.
Will they not attend b/c they don't agree with the marriage? I don't get it. |
Anonymous
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Do whatever you want (emphasis on the YOU), but IMHO, your wedding should be a celebration of connecting two lives, and yes-- two families, which means everyone together at once. You can weave cultural traditions from both sides into one day of events, but honestly, having one room with all of our favorite people in it together at once was one of my fondest memories of our wedding. I think you lose that with two receptions.
Also, 2 hours is NOT a lot to ask of people to travel. My DH and I are from two different midwestern/western states, and had our wedding here in DC. Much of our family (though less of my extended family) was able to travel (all via plane, btw) here to DC and no, we didn't arrange to pay for their hotel rooms (I can't believe a PP suggested that!). We did make sure to make everything seamless once they arrived-- we had transportation everywhere, events multiple days (welcome party, wedding, brunch the morning after), welcome bags in the room, etc. etc. Honestly, you could rent a charter bus for a day and pick them all up 2 hrs away and drive them back after if it's that big a deal, but I am just shocked that you'd even consider two receptions. |
Anonymous
| PP above here. BTW, not to be rude, but if you can't figure out your cultural differences enough to have everyone together for a wedding, how in the world are you going to manage a lifetime together? What happens when you have kids? Other big milestones? Better to just set the tone and get everyone on board now. |
Anonymous
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OP.
The major difference is that both parentals are adamant about food. Chinese side has a lot of cultural dishes, and a very different serving style. The PP who has attended a chinese wedding reception probably understands what I mean. There's usually 12 dishes over 4-5 courses, and the festivities are very different. The ILs are also expected to gift jewelry of gold and/or diamonds to the bride. I do NOT want to ask or even bring this up with my future ILs. Caucasian side has a lot of traditional polish food the ILs would like to see represented and serve, and adamant about plating everything. To the PP who asked how our marriage and raising kids would work out? Well for starters my BF and I are in agreement about everything when it comes to having a family. We will honor both sides of our roots and the future kids will know about the Polish and Chinese traditions that are important to us. Both sets of parentals are on board with the marriage and wedding and has no reservations. We cannot afford to pay for hotel rooms for the guests from out of town. It's just no in the budget. Discounted rate for a hotel would be possible if we have a hotel reception. We have discussed the idea of venues other than hotel though such as a winery or a old mansion that can cater food and host the reception. We have also considered locations closer to a midway point for the 2 families, but honestly the mid point is in the middle of Bumblefuckistan so it's not going to happen. |