I hate my own sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People may do this shit All.The.Time. But Op knows that her sister is better than that.

The best advice is to get out of that situation. Let this man go home and talk to his wife about separating, divorce, child custody, staying together, whatever. They are the only ones who know what needs to be done with their marriage. If this man loves sis he will come back to her when (or if) he is free and single.

But this lying and this underhandedness needs to stop. There are plenty of young, single, available guys out there - focus on them for the time being.

We KNOW. You missed my point - which is the relationship OP has with her sister. There is only so much that OP can say to her sister.

And some things can only be said to a sister by a sister. It depends on the closeness of your relationship I guess.

And at some point she has to STOP TALKING. OMG. Little sister has enough to process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I bet, until today, your sister would have said that she would never, ever date a married man, under any circumstances.

I certainly said that until the day I found out that the guy I had fallen in love with was married.

I was reeling - devastated by his dishonestly, devastated that the feelings and hopes I had invested in him were all betrayed, and completely lost and lonely and confused. I had lost the person who I thought was closest to me. I had lost the vision of everything that I thought my future might be.

(And yes, we were only together about 5 weeks then. Cheaters are VERY good at conducting whirlwind, movie-star romances for short periods of time, sweeping women off their feet to escape the mundane, dreary everyday slog of a relationship.)

When he begged to see me to explain why he had lied, everything he said SHOULD have struck me as the bullshit we all know it is. His wife was emotionally abusive, but he stayed with her because her mom had had a terminal illness, and he didn't want to abandon her. They had no sex. They never really had a true connection. He married too young. She was an attorney and could be vindictive and controlling, so he needed to wait until he was better situated financially to afford a good lawyer to file for divorce. Etc etc etc. I now know it is all BS, but in that first 24-48 hours? I wanted to believe it all. I wanted to believe I hadn't just wasted all my time and gotten my heart broken. I wanted to believe that everything he told me wasn't a complete lie.

It took a few days for me to absorb what a rat he was and tell him never to talk to me again.

My suggestion to you is to have some empathy for your young sister. She's just been hit with an emotional 2x4. She's reeling and hurting and grasping at any possibility that her happy ending is still within reach.

I'd suggest just saying something like, "This rat has betrayed you and violated your trust -- you must be devastated. I'm here for you and I'm so, so sorry you are hurting. You deserve better. Please reach out to me if you need me in the next weeks; I know you are hurt and scared and sad."

I would keep the moralizing to yourself unless she asks your opinion. I think you can trust that she will come to understand what a rat he is. Just give her a little time to absorb the shock of it all.

After only five weeks you lost the person you thought was closest to you? After only five weeks you lost the vision of everything you thought your future would be? When did women become so delusional and flighty? You knew the guy for 5 weeks. This reeks of zero self worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I bet, until today, your sister would have said that she would never, ever date a married man, under any circumstances.

I certainly said that until the day I found out that the guy I had fallen in love with was married.

I was reeling - devastated by his dishonestly, devastated that the feelings and hopes I had invested in him were all betrayed, and completely lost and lonely and confused. I had lost the person who I thought was closest to me. I had lost the vision of everything that I thought my future might be.

(And yes, we were only together about 5 weeks then. Cheaters are VERY good at conducting whirlwind, movie-star romances for short periods of time, sweeping women off their feet to escape the mundane, dreary everyday slog of a relationship.)

When he begged to see me to explain why he had lied, everything he said SHOULD have struck me as the bullshit we all know it is. His wife was emotionally abusive, but he stayed with her because her mom had had a terminal illness, and he didn't want to abandon her. They had no sex. They never really had a true connection. He married too young. She was an attorney and could be vindictive and controlling, so he needed to wait until he was better situated financially to afford a good lawyer to file for divorce. Etc etc etc. I now know it is all BS, but in that first 24-48 hours? I wanted to believe it all. I wanted to believe I hadn't just wasted all my time and gotten my heart broken. I wanted to believe that everything he told me wasn't a complete lie.

It took a few days for me to absorb what a rat he was and tell him never to talk to me again.

My suggestion to you is to have some empathy for your young sister. She's just been hit with an emotional 2x4. She's reeling and hurting and grasping at any possibility that her happy ending is still within reach.

I'd suggest just saying something like, "This rat has betrayed you and violated your trust -- you must be devastated. I'm here for you and I'm so, so sorry you are hurting. You deserve better. Please reach out to me if you need me in the next weeks; I know you are hurt and scared and sad."

I would keep the moralizing to yourself unless she asks your opinion. I think you can trust that she will come to understand what a rat he is. Just give her a little time to absorb the shock of it all.

BEST DAMN RESPONSE ON THIS WHOLE THREAD!! I HOPE OP IS LISTENING.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I bet, until today, your sister would have said that she would never, ever date a married man, under any circumstances.

I certainly said that until the day I found out that the guy I had fallen in love with was married.

I was reeling - devastated by his dishonestly, devastated that the feelings and hopes I had invested in him were all betrayed, and completely lost and lonely and confused. I had lost the person who I thought was closest to me. I had lost the vision of everything that I thought my future might be.

(And yes, we were only together about 5 weeks then. Cheaters are VERY good at conducting whirlwind, movie-star romances for short periods of time, sweeping women off their feet to escape the mundane, dreary everyday slog of a relationship.)

When he begged to see me to explain why he had lied, everything he said SHOULD have struck me as the bullshit we all know it is. His wife was emotionally abusive, but he stayed with her because her mom had had a terminal illness, and he didn't want to abandon her. They had no sex. They never really had a true connection. He married too young. She was an attorney and could be vindictive and controlling, so he needed to wait until he was better situated financially to afford a good lawyer to file for divorce. Etc etc etc. I now know it is all BS, but in that first 24-48 hours? I wanted to believe it all. I wanted to believe I hadn't just wasted all my time and gotten my heart broken. I wanted to believe that everything he told me wasn't a complete lie.

It took a few days for me to absorb what a rat he was and tell him never to talk to me again.

My suggestion to you is to have some empathy for your young sister. She's just been hit with an emotional 2x4. She's reeling and hurting and grasping at any possibility that her happy ending is still within reach.

I'd suggest just saying something like, "This rat has betrayed you and violated your trust -- you must be devastated. I'm here for you and I'm so, so sorry you are hurting. You deserve better. Please reach out to me if you need me in the next weeks; I know you are hurt and scared and sad."

I would keep the moralizing to yourself unless she asks your opinion. I think you can trust that she will come to understand what a rat he is. Just give her a little time to absorb the shock of it all.

BEST DAMN RESPONSE ON THIS WHOLE THREAD!! I HOPE OP IS LISTENING.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You have told her how you feel, there is not much else to say or do.

+1 Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

During this rough time? Seriously? She's 21-25 years old and has been dating someone for 1 month. Rough time? I think the woman who just found out that her husband who is the father of her child is going through a rough time.

Who are all of you women who are posting about how heartbroken the sister is? What delicate flowers you are. Do you have no spine? Have you never been through an actual rough time that you think that a one month relationship ending is a rough emotional time? Do you think so little of yourselves that you would let a one month relationship with a lying shit ruin you? Holy crap. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

No real friend is going to want to see her continue on with this creep. The dude is married, he is a father with small children. I am sorry but that is a total deal breaker. There is no way for Op to make that better for her sis, this is simply a live and learn and MOVE ON situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

During this rough time? Seriously? She's 21-25 years old and has been dating someone for 1 month. Rough time? I think the woman who just found out that her husband who is the father of her child is going through a rough time.

Who are all of you women who are posting about how heartbroken the sister is? What delicate flowers you are. Do you have no spine? Have you never been through an actual rough time that you think that a one month relationship ending is a rough emotional time? Do you think so little of yourselves that you would let a one month relationship with a lying shit ruin you? Holy crap. Get a grip.

Exactly, she's between 21 and 25. She just found out someone she is very fond of is a lying sack of shit. She's questioning her judgement, him, relationships in general. That is, indeed, a rough time. I have a spine, I think highly of myself, and I'm in possession of a very firm grip. In addition to all of that, I also have empathy for everyone involved in this mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

During this rough time? Seriously? She's 21-25 years old and has been dating someone for 1 month. Rough time? I think the woman who just found out that her husband who is the father of her child is going through a rough time.

Who are all of you women who are posting about how heartbroken the sister is? What delicate flowers you are. Do you have no spine? Have you never been through an actual rough time that you think that a one month relationship ending is a rough emotional time? Do you think so little of yourselves that you would let a one month relationship with a lying shit ruin you? Holy crap. Get a grip.

16:13 here: OP, tell your sister to stop calling about this guy. You have kids to raise. Newsflash: she's calling you, your mom/dad/siblings, all her friends, the guy himself, and if she has any computer skills and no ability to step back and block the guy eventually his wife and coworkers.

Please disengage. Tell her you have to focus on your DH and kids. You told her how you feel about this. She's still fixated. Refer her to all the other people she's already calling, maybe a therapist, and a couple of singles sites like OKCupid.

Then tell her to leave you out of it. She's doing this for attention now. If she continues with the guy, it's for drama's sake.

It's her ship to sink now. Don't get sucked into the whirlpool.

Doubt me? Ask DH! He doesn't want to hear it any more; neither do you.

No go help your kids with their homework. They need you more than your sister does -- and they are more available to listen. Given a choice, I'd rather go to a PTA meeting than be sucked into OW drama, wouldn't you? Then tell her so and tell her to call somebody else with this problem.

Focus on your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

During this rough time? Seriously? She's 21-25 years old and has been dating someone for 1 month. Rough time? I think the woman who just found out that her husband who is the father of her child is going through a rough time.

Who are all of you women who are posting about how heartbroken the sister is? What delicate flowers you are. Do you have no spine? Have you never been through an actual rough time that you think that a one month relationship ending is a rough emotional time? Do you think so little of yourselves that you would let a one month relationship with a lying shit ruin you? Holy crap. Get a grip.

Exactly, she's between 21 and 25. She just found out someone she is very fond of is a lying sack of shit. She's questioning her judgement, him, relationships in general. That is, indeed, a rough time. I have a spine, I think highly of myself, and I'm in possession of a very firm grip. In addition to all of that, I also have empathy for everyone involved in this mess.

HA! You have a lot of empathy for the OP!

Between the age of 21 and 25 you should have enough fortitude and self respect to weather a one month relationship. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

During this rough time? Seriously? She's 21-25 years old and has been dating someone for 1 month. Rough time? I think the woman who just found out that her husband who is the father of her child is going through a rough time.

Who are all of you women who are posting about how heartbroken the sister is? What delicate flowers you are. Do you have no spine? Have you never been through an actual rough time that you think that a one month relationship ending is a rough emotional time? Do you think so little of yourselves that you would let a one month relationship with a lying shit ruin you? Holy crap. Get a grip.

Exactly, she's between 21 and 25. She just found out someone she is very fond of is a lying sack of shit. She's questioning her judgement, him, relationships in general. That is, indeed, a rough time. I have a spine, I think highly of myself, and I'm in possession of a very firm grip. In addition to all of that, I also have empathy for everyone involved in this mess.

HA! You have a lot of empathy for the OP!

Between the age of 21 and 25 you should have enough fortitude and self respect to weather a one month relationship. Ridiculous.

The OP is not involved in this mess and she has been advised by several posters to stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

During this rough time? Seriously? She's 21-25 years old and has been dating someone for 1 month. Rough time? I think the woman who just found out that her husband who is the father of her child is going through a rough time.

Who are all of you women who are posting about how heartbroken the sister is? What delicate flowers you are. Do you have no spine? Have you never been through an actual rough time that you think that a one month relationship ending is a rough emotional time? Do you think so little of yourselves that you would let a one month relationship with a lying shit ruin you? Holy crap. Get a grip.

16:13 here: OP, tell your sister to stop calling about this guy. You have kids to raise. Newsflash: she's calling you, your mom/dad/siblings, all her friends, the guy himself, and if she has any computer skills and no ability to step back and block the guy eventually his wife and coworkers.

Please disengage. Tell her you have to focus on your DH and kids. You told her how you feel about this. She's still fixated. Refer her to all the other people she's already calling, maybe a therapist, and a couple of singles sites like OKCupid.

Then tell her to leave you out of it. She's doing this for attention now. If she continues with the guy, it's for drama's sake.

It's her ship to sink now. Don't get sucked into the whirlpool.

Doubt me? Ask DH! He doesn't want to hear it any more; neither do you.

No go help your kids with their homework. They need you more than your sister does -- and they are more available to listen. Given a choice, I'd rather go to a PTA meeting than be sucked into OW drama, wouldn't you? Then tell her so and tell her to call somebody else with this problem.

Focus on your own life.

OP again.

Thanks. I said that I give up in my previous post and I meant it. Nothing I can do about it now anyway. I feel sad for my sister for not having the confidence in herself to walk away from this and know that there will be someone better out there and I feel sad for this wife wherever she is that she is hurting, but feeling sad about something out of my control is a waste of time and effort.

Going to a soccer game tonight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

She just called me sobbing about him. He apparently called her again and said that there's been some "hold up" in getting the lease to his new apartment but that he still loves her and wants her. I didn't say anything new. I just said that I was sad for her and that this guy is obviously a pretty heinous person and that I hope that she doesn't follow his lead in continuing the relationship. She said that she wants to continue with him because, even if he doesn't leave his wife, she can't imagine a life without him. Again, I can't imagine how someone can get this wrapped up in someone in a one month period, particularly when they didn't spend all that much time together since he had a family that he had to see. It makes me really sad that she has chosen, yet again, to think only of herself and, even in so doing, she has managed to put herself in a shitty situation.

I give up. We'll see what happens. Like some PPs have said, it's only been a short while. I did, however, tell her that I can't condone her behavior if she continues to have contact with him and I did ask her to please not involve me in it anymore. She may be young and she may have to make her own mistakes, but I don't have to know about it any more than I already do.

We get it, you hate your sister, she is a selfish bitch and you are way better than her. Tell her as much so she can find an actual friend to confide in and lean on during this rough time.

During this rough time? Seriously? She's 21-25 years old and has been dating someone for 1 month. Rough time? I think the woman who just found out that her husband who is the father of her child is going through a rough time.

Who are all of you women who are posting about how heartbroken the sister is? What delicate flowers you are. Do you have no spine? Have you never been through an actual rough time that you think that a one month relationship ending is a rough emotional time? Do you think so little of yourselves that you would let a one month relationship with a lying shit ruin you? Holy crap. Get a grip.

Exactly.