Should I force DD to sit with us at dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious about what length PPs are willing to go to "make" their child sit at the table…we deal with this with our child with other behaviors and she does not like being physically held or restrained and now is too big to be carried around places or taken to her room physically. She is strong. I don't like to engage physically so what do you all mean by "make" your child sit at the dinner table. I can't do this. Threats? Taking away privileges? None of this seems to work. Sorry to get off topic but I was struck by how easy some PPs make it out to be...

Why are you making it so hard. You TELL her, "Larla, it's important family time when we eat dinner. Even if you choose not to eat WHAT we're eating, you are going to start eating WITH us. Starting tomorrow night, you'll be eating meals with us every night" No negotiation, no tying her to her chair. Tell her what's expected of her. Who is the parent in your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds a little OCDish. She can sit in the same room but not the same table.

She needs to sit with you and be polite just like my son who hates the sight and smell of broccoli and he can't say yuk.

It's about being polite.

+1 OCD and disordered eating starts very young. I started to have food issues at that age.

[Anonymous]

OP - How will your DD handle meat in the workplace, job interviews in restaurants, weddings, etc.?

This kid is 6! She's not going to have the same reactions to things when she's 26 has a job interview or goes to a wedding. I cried over a bowl of chili for two hours when I was 6 because I was so grossed out by beans and my mom made me finish it, but I really wouldn't do that now with foods that I don't like.

Also, who is coming across "meat in the workplace"? Butchers? Most adults have choices about what and where they eat for lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm glad you and DD came to a resolution. I just found this post and wanted to share my own story. I was born into a vegetarian family and have been vegetarian all my life. I'm 40 years old, so this is a long-term commitment! I am able to eat dinner with meat-eaters and vegetarians, however I have to say that meat, especially when it's on the bone, makes me sad and often, disgusted. I think of the animal - what kind of animal was it? Was its family with it on the farm? Was its mother alive to see it be slaughtered? Did it die right away? Etc. I think of eating another creature's blood and it turns my stomach. I am much better and happier when the meat is "hidden," but it's not my choice what others eat. I just wanted to share that perspective since it sounds like your DD is walking down that same path. For my sister, who is also vegetarian, it never has really bothered her to watch another person eat meat. So, I know it has something to do with me and my emotional IQ.

I married a Spaniard, and when we go to Spain and see the jamon (pigs legs, often still with little hairs intact above the hoof) hanging in the store windows, my heart aches and my stomach is not interested in eating anything. This is the curse of being highly attuned to where meat "comes" from. My children are vegetarian, we keep a vegetarian house and my husband is almost entirely vegetarian. I made it very clear to him that this was one of my few non-negotiables when we talked about getting married.

So, for all those folks who ask "how will DD function in the world?," she will be fine. But please understand sometimes we can't help our minds wonder about the animal our family is consuming. I am so impressed with her for being sharply attuned to issues most children cannot even comprehend at her young age. Best wishes, and hope this might allow your family to discover some delicious meatless meals so she can feel completely included in family meals.

How insufferable you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm glad you and DD came to a resolution. I just found this post and wanted to share my own story. I was born into a vegetarian family and have been vegetarian all my life. I'm 40 years old, so this is a long-term commitment! I am able to eat dinner with meat-eaters and vegetarians, however I have to say that meat, especially when it's on the bone, makes me sad and often, disgusted. I think of the animal - what kind of animal was it? Was its family with it on the farm? Was its mother alive to see it be slaughtered? Did it die right away? Etc. I think of eating another creature's blood and it turns my stomach. I am much better and happier when the meat is "hidden," but it's not my choice what others eat. I just wanted to share that perspective since it sounds like your DD is walking down that same path. For my sister, who is also vegetarian, it never has really bothered her to watch another person eat meat. So, I know it has something to do with me and my emotional IQ.

I married a Spaniard, and when we go to Spain and see the jamon (pigs legs, often still with little hairs intact above the hoof) hanging in the store windows, my heart aches and my stomach is not interested in eating anything. This is the curse of being highly attuned to where meat "comes" from. My children are vegetarian, we keep a vegetarian house and my husband is almost entirely vegetarian. I made it very clear to him that this was one of my few non-negotiables when we talked about getting married.

So, for all those folks who ask "how will DD function in the world?," she will be fine. But please understand sometimes we can't help our minds wonder about the animal our family is consuming. I am so impressed with her for being sharply attuned to issues most children cannot even comprehend at her young age. Best wishes, and hope this might allow your family to discover some delicious meatless meals so she can feel completely included in family meals.

How insufferable you are.

And how. You really need a thicker skin and an awareness of your absolute privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious about what length PPs are willing to go to "make" their child sit at the table…we deal with this with our child with other behaviors and she does not like being physically held or restrained and now is too big to be carried around places or taken to her room physically. She is strong. I don't like to engage physically so what do you all mean by "make" your child sit at the dinner table. I can't do this. Threats? Taking away privileges? None of this seems to work. Sorry to get off topic but I was struck by how easy some PPs make it out to be...

I tell my kids. If they don't do what I said, I make sure they understand it was not an offer, but a command. I don't understand people who can't make their kids do things without physically manhandling them. By the time my kids are two they are given, "Either you can get in the chair, or I will put you in the chair. Which do you want?" If they say neither, they are sent to their bedroom and told they can come out when they're ready to get in the chair. By the age of three they are given "Either you can get in the chair, or go to your room alone; which do you want?"

If my kids want to go to their room to have a temper tantrum they can go do that alone without disturbing the rest of the family. The kids do not get to stop the flow of the whole household.

So, your kid chooses to go to their room (and presumably, misses dinner). Then what? Stays there all night? Then what? Can they come out of their room in the morning? What happens next? I'm intrigued by this power play you have set up.

When they finished their tantrum they were welcome to rejoin the household. If they missed dinner then they ate at the table alone while people were cleaning up. But really this was not something that happened regularly. Each kid tried it once or twice and then was over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm glad you and DD came to a resolution. I just found this post and wanted to share my own story. I was born into a vegetarian family and have been vegetarian all my life. I'm 40 years old, so this is a long-term commitment! I am able to eat dinner with meat-eaters and vegetarians, however I have to say that meat, especially when it's on the bone, makes me sad and often, disgusted. I think of the animal - what kind of animal was it? Was its family with it on the farm? Was its mother alive to see it be slaughtered? Did it die right away? Etc. I think of eating another creature's blood and it turns my stomach. I am much better and happier when the meat is "hidden," but it's not my choice what others eat. I just wanted to share that perspective since it sounds like your DD is walking down that same path. For my sister, who is also vegetarian, it never has really bothered her to watch another person eat meat. So, I know it has something to do with me and my emotional IQ.

I married a Spaniard, and when we go to Spain and see the jamon (pigs legs, often still with little hairs intact above the hoof) hanging in the store windows, my heart aches and my stomach is not interested in eating anything. This is the curse of being highly attuned to where meat "comes" from. My children are vegetarian, we keep a vegetarian house and my husband is almost entirely vegetarian. I made it very clear to him that this was one of my few non-negotiables when we talked about getting married.

So, for all those folks who ask "how will DD function in the world?," she will be fine. But please understand sometimes we can't help our minds wonder about the animal our family is consuming. I am so impressed with her for being sharply attuned to issues most children cannot even comprehend at her young age. Best wishes, and hope this might allow your family to discover some delicious meatless meals so she can feel completely included in family meals.

How insufferable you are.

Probably as much as you are judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm glad you and DD came to a resolution. I just found this post and wanted to share my own story. I was born into a vegetarian family and have been vegetarian all my life. I'm 40 years old, so this is a long-term commitment! I am able to eat dinner with meat-eaters and vegetarians, however I have to say that meat, especially when it's on the bone, makes me sad and often, disgusted. I think of the animal - what kind of animal was it? Was its family with it on the farm? Was its mother alive to see it be slaughtered? Did it die right away? Etc. I think of eating another creature's blood and it turns my stomach. I am much better and happier when the meat is "hidden," but it's not my choice what others eat. I just wanted to share that perspective since it sounds like your DD is walking down that same path. For my sister, who is also vegetarian, it never has really bothered her to watch another person eat meat. So, I know it has something to do with me and my emotional IQ.

I married a Spaniard, and when we go to Spain and see the jamon (pigs legs, often still with little hairs intact above the hoof) hanging in the store windows, my heart aches and my stomach is not interested in eating anything. This is the curse of being highly attuned to where meat "comes" from. My children are vegetarian, we keep a vegetarian house and my husband is almost entirely vegetarian. I made it very clear to him that this was one of my few non-negotiables when we talked about getting married.

So, for all those folks who ask "how will DD function in the world?," she will be fine. But please understand sometimes we can't help our minds wonder about the animal our family is consuming. I am so impressed with her for being sharply attuned to issues most children cannot even comprehend at her young age. Best wishes, and hope this might allow your family to discover some delicious meatless meals so she can feel completely included in family meals.

How insufferable you are.

+1