Should I force DD to sit with us at dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should she be forced to sit with the family she should be forced to eat the meat.

wow. No way. I think she should still sit at the table, though.

I don't deal with picky eaters. You eat everything on your plate or you don't leave the table. It's not a full plate but a little of everything. None of this I don't like it crap, if I know you don't like it we have it more often hehe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 6 and has almost never eaten meat. She didn't like the texture when she was little, and her best friend in preschool was vegetarian so I think it reinforced for her the idea that she didn't have to eat it. We have never forced her to eat meat but always offer it.

One night, we had ribs. In horor, she asked "what animal is that?" I told her it was a pig. She got kind of upset (her favorite stuffed animal is a pig) and went and finished her dinner at the kitchen table. She then started refusing to sit with the rest of the family at dinner when we eat meat. I wanted to force her to eat with us, but DH said not to make a big deal of it and that it was just a phase, so I agreed and we allowed her to eat in the kitchen.

Well, it has been months and she still often, though not always, eats by herself at the kitchen table when we serve meat for dinner. She only gets upset about it when I try to force her to eat dinner with us. I have talked to her about it and told her I think it is important to eat together and we want to spend time with her together as a family during dinner. She insists it is about the meat, although usually she eats with us when the meat is not obviously meat (like in spaghetti sauce or something.) She seems fine when eating by herself but I feel like it is setting up a weird dynamic. We have another child (younger) who happily eats anything.

Force her to eat with us or leave it alone?

I see that I am in the minority, but I would respect this. It is important that the family eat together, but there are other occasions for this to happen. Honestly, I'd be kind of impressed if my 6 year old took a moral stance on something like that and stuck with it; that is important also. I wouldn't let the meal alone be more enjoyable than the family meal (no book or electronics or anything, just like at the main table) and I would carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should she be forced to sit with the family she should be forced to eat the meat.

wow. No way. I think she should still sit at the table, though.

I don't deal with picky eaters. You eat everything on your plate or you don't leave the table. It's not a full plate but a little of everything. None of this I don't like it crap, if I know you don't like it we have it more often hehe

This isn't about being a picky eater. OPs daughter has a moral objection to the meat. Are you trying to raise blind followers, or decent adults with a solid moral compass? I am 100% supportive of my child developing their moral standards. I would expect her to eat at the table with the family, but I would not ask her to go against her convictions if I believed they were serious convictions.

[Anonymous]

I would not force the meat issue, BUT:

1. It is important to provide a protein-rich replacement.
2. It is important to all eat at the same table at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Eat with the family, yes. Just as you respect and honor her desire to not eat meat, she needs to respect your choice to eat meat and also respect the family dinner.

However, I also am impressed by her conviction at such a young age and would "reward" her for participating fully in family dinner by allowing her to help choose and plan some meatless meals for the whole family.

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to have family time, but I don't think it has to be mealtime. If it was important to my daughter to sit away from us when we ate meat, I would either allow it and arrange other family time or I would choose mealtime as family time and make a meal that she does not find objectionable. If you have a child who is truly miserable to sit at the dinner table, there is no quality family time happening.

One other thing. I find that when my kids feel really strongly about something, but their decision poses a problem for me, I involve them in the solution. This works really well in my house.

[Anonymous]

Wow - this is not a case of picking eating or attention seeking but as PP's said an amazing moral stance that this young DC is fully embracing. While I would love for her to join the family table (and I hope that there are some 'non-meat' nights for the entire family so she feels supported!) I think this is not her asking for accommodations that she doesn't 'live' full time but her saying that she cannot be a part of something she finds morally repugnant so how terribly arrogant to see this as anything but her being the person she is. I don't know if the link here will work but in a very very strange way - wow - the short story in this week's New Yorker kind of addresses the extreme case of this (tho its a very creepy tale!)
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LEVjEYNiVWt44Ax4gnnIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTByOHZyb21tBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNzcg--/RV=2/RE=1445308057/RO=10/RU=http%3a%2f%2fwww.newyorker.com%2f/RK=0/RS=VqdhwH57Uhksw3zwR6bvrYBYMec-

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eat with the family, yes. Just as you respect and honor her desire to not eat meat, she needs to respect your choice to eat meat and also respect the family dinner.

However, I also am impressed by her conviction at such a young age and would "reward" her for participating fully in family dinner by allowing her to help choose and plan some meatless meals for the whole family.

This seems to be the consensus, and I wonder why people feel this way. If you think of something you find morally objectionable, do you also feel that you need to respect (and, perhaps, participate in) the other side? I'm trying to think of something that is equivalent to vegetarianism and I'm having trouble finding an analogy. An imperfect analogy would be if I were somewhere where it was culturally permissible to eat dogs. Would I really have to sit there and watch people do it? Or wouldn't it be fine to feel so disgusted by that that I would rather eat alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should she be forced to sit with the family she should be forced to eat the meat.

wow. No way. I think she should still sit at the table, though.

I don't deal with picky eaters. You eat everything on your plate or you don't leave the table. It's not a full plate but a little of everything. None of this I don't like it crap, if I know you don't like it we have it more often hehe

This isn't about being a picky eater. OPs daughter has a moral objection to the meat. Are you trying to raise blind followers, or decent adults with a solid moral compass? I am 100% supportive of my child developing their moral standards. I would expect her to eat at the table with the family, but I would not ask her to go against her convictions if I believed they were serious convictions.

The bolded makes this poster sound like a teenager herself so I wouldn't bother engaging...

[Anonymous]

My post - 14:37 my link didn't work re short story (but google 'Cold Little Bird' by Ben Marcus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eat with the family, yes. Just as you respect and honor her desire to not eat meat, she needs to respect your choice to eat meat and also respect the family dinner.

However, I also am impressed by her conviction at such a young age and would "reward" her for participating fully in family dinner by allowing her to help choose and plan some meatless meals for the whole family.

This seems to be the consensus, and I wonder why people feel this way. If you think of something you find morally objectionable, do you also feel that you need to respect (and, perhaps, participate in) the other side? I'm trying to think of something that is equivalent to vegetarianism and I'm having trouble finding an analogy. An imperfect analogy would be if I were somewhere where it was culturally permissible to eat dogs. Would I really have to sit there and watch people do it? Or wouldn't it be fine to feel so disgusted by that that I would rather eat alone.

Because when we have different beliefs or mores, we don't resolve our differences by sitting in separate rooms. One of the most important tools we give our children is the ability to hold on to their own values and give others the space to hold different ones. As someone pointed out, the child cannot sit in a separate lunchroom at school. It's not feasible for her to isolate herself completely from meat eaters, so she needs to learn to cope with that reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should she be forced to sit with the family she should be forced to eat the meat.

wow. No way. I think she should still sit at the table, though.

I don't deal with picky eaters. You eat everything on your plate or you don't leave the table. It's not a full plate but a little of everything. None of this I don't like it crap, if I know you don't like it we have it more often hehe

This isn't about being a picky eater. OPs daughter has a moral objection to the meat. Are you trying to raise blind followers, or decent adults with a solid moral compass? I am 100% supportive of my child developing their moral standards. I would expect her to eat at the table with the family, but I would not ask her to go against her convictions if I believed they were serious convictions.

Op's dd is a child. Children don't make their own choices, they don't have moral convictions. They follow their parents blindly , or at least they should.

[Anonymous]

OP I disagree with others. I am not a vegetarian but I applaud what appears to be a strong sense of conviction in your daughter already! I would accommodate this and try to have more vegetarian nights so she can sit with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eat with the family, yes. Just as you respect and honor her desire to not eat meat, she needs to respect your choice to eat meat and also respect the family dinner.

However, I also am impressed by her conviction at such a young age and would "reward" her for participating fully in family dinner by allowing her to help choose and plan some meatless meals for the whole family.

This seems to be the consensus, and I wonder why people feel this way. If you think of something you find morally objectionable, do you also feel that you need to respect (and, perhaps, participate in) the other side? I'm trying to think of something that is equivalent to vegetarianism and I'm having trouble finding an analogy. An imperfect analogy would be if I were somewhere where it was culturally permissible to eat dogs. Would I really have to sit there and watch people do it? Or wouldn't it be fine to feel so disgusted by that that I would rather eat alone.

Because when we have different beliefs or mores, we don't resolve our differences by sitting in separate rooms. One of the most important tools we give our children is the ability to hold on to their own values and give others the space to hold different ones. As someone pointed out, the child cannot sit in a separate lunchroom at school. It's not feasible for her to isolate herself completely from meat eaters, so she needs to learn to cope with that reality.

I guess we will agree to disagree. They aren't trying to resolve differences or get anyone to agree with anyone else. Poor girl is horrified that they are eating a pig, which represents her lovey. Seems cruel to make her watch that kind of thing. I'm not a vegetarian, but I know people who think that pigs are as cute and smart as dogs and are horrified at them being eaten. It's not my point of view, but I just wouldn't sit and make them watch me just because I am in a position of power over them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should she be forced to sit with the family she should be forced to eat the meat.

wow. No way. I think she should still sit at the table, though.

I don't deal with picky eaters. You eat everything on your plate or you don't leave the table. It's not a full plate but a little of everything. None of this I don't like it crap, if I know you don't like it we have it more often hehe

This isn't about being a picky eater. OPs daughter has a moral objection to the meat. Are you trying to raise blind followers, or decent adults with a solid moral compass? I am 100% supportive of my child developing their moral standards. I would expect her to eat at the table with the family, but I would not ask her to go against her convictions if I believed they were serious convictions.

Op's dd is a child. Children don't make their own choices, they don't have moral convictions. They follow their parents blindly , or at least they should.

Well then you and I disagree about the type of people we are trying to raise. I am not a permissive parent by any standard, but while I try to instill discipline in my children, the last thing I want is for them to blindly follow me or anyone else. I want them to think for themselves, to have strong moral convictions, and to know that their mother respects them for the people they are, not as extensions or copies of her. I would be very proud of my child for having such a strong conviction, and for sticking with it despite the fact that she is doing so alone.