I love my MIL, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL here who adores my daughter in law. She is such a wonderful woman, mother, and wife to my son. I also love my son-in-law and am so lucky to live near my daughter and son and five gorgeous grandkiids. Sometimes I think I am the happiest mom and grandmother on the planet.

I love this. This is how I want to be someday. NOT like my depressed, depressing MIL who wants to talk about everyone's ailments.

+1000

+ 1 more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

Yes, OP, I love your MIL too.

Which doesn't mean I love all MILs.

Same as hopefully you love your husband, but not every man out there.

Every person is different. So I'd encourage you to drop the judgmental attitude you display in your opening message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's wonderful.

It is also only your experience.

+1000

I would love to love my mil. Her husband, son (Dh), daughter and sister all think she's a huge piece of work. They barely tolerate her. I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a long time but I see exactly what frustrates the rest of the family. This does not make me pathetic or a bad dil. I am as kind as can be and I appreciate the few things she does. Op, you need to recognize that just because it's your experience doesn't make it a universal experience.

PP has a good point here about the person in question's own children- do they have good relationships with their mother and father? Are they healthy? Its probably a good bet that if the only relationship that is sour in the family is a DIL/MIL one, but the rest are good and healthy- that its probably a bit of a two way street more than either party would admit.

Agree. My MIL is OK. I definitely do not hate her or anything like that. I think I have a much higher tolerance for her than her own kids. I don't think my SIL has visited her parents at home for longer than 24 hours in years. I can understand given their history. I just try to focus on the things I do appreciate about MIL and ignore the rest, but sometimes it's hard.

[Anonymous]

I love both my MIL and my step-MIL (as well as my FIL and step-FIL). It's not some pat-on-the-back moment for myself, though. I realize how truly lucky I am to have kind, loving in-laws who do a very good job of toeing the line between being appropriately supportive vs. too meddling.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man, I love my MIL but there is no way I could ever spend a great deal of time with her unless she started taking some anti anxiety meds.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, you are lucky and it sounds like you have a great relationship. That is wonderful.

People are complex and some people just don't get along no matter how much they want to or try -- they are oil and vinegar.

My MIL is nice, but there's really no true connection or depth of relationship. It's not just me, it's also her. It is what it is. We live and let live.

[Anonymous]

You are lucky OP. My MIL is stuck-up, selfish Ice Queen who makes everything about her. She is either polite in a very surface way or outwardly snippy and rude. And, the older she gets, the more the snippy side comes out. She is liberal with criticism and conservative with praise. She has never so much as lifted a finger to help us with anything, our wedding, our house, our children. She has never babysat any of our kids, changed a diaper, done anything. She just sits there like she is the Queen of England judging everything. She definitely lives her life for her own comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

It's amazing that you could love anyone, given the extreme lack of empathy you display in this post.

Beat me to the punch. Loves everyone except for DIL's. Must be because she's a mawm of 2 boys.

[Anonymous]

I love them, but they get on my f****** nerves--just like my own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are lucky OP. My MIL is stuck-up, selfish Ice Queen who makes everything about her. She is either polite in a very surface way or outwardly snippy and rude. And, the older she gets, the more the snippy side comes out. She is liberal with criticism and conservative with praise. She has never so much as lifted a finger to help us with anything, our wedding, our house, our children. She has never babysat any of our kids, changed a diaper, done anything. She just sits there like she is the Queen of England judging everything. She definitely lives her life for her own comfort.

Hey!! We have the same MIL!

[Anonymous]

OP, your MIL lives eight hours away. I wonder if you would like her if she lived a block away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's wonderful.

It is also only your experience.

Its not only her experience. I love my MIL too.

That's wonderful. Truly, I am envious. But the people who post on this forum are generally people who are struggling. Many, many people have great in law relationships. But if you do, you have no reason to post on a board like this, right? My MIL is so selfish and mentally ill that I am literally scared to sleep in the same house as her. She has done some very scary things and she manipulates my husband to make him believe he and his brother caused her mental illness. It is sick and disturbing.

I am very, very jealous of people with great ILs. I would love nothing more than to have that relationship with mine. But I don't, and many of the people who post here do not. That's why they are here. So be grateful and find some empathy and humility.

[Anonymous]

How would I know? I don't even know her. <sorry, couldn't resist>

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

If my ILs did any of this, I probably would. I am thankful that they raised DH but we're not close enough to them for any sort of "love" to develop.