I love my MIL, do you?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is great.

My FIL, mom, dad, and stepmom are all a drag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

It's amazing that you could love anyone, given the extreme lack of empathy you display in this post.

Not OP- what lack of empathy??? That post is one of the gentlest, most reasonable OPs people have written here!!!

[Anonymous]

OP has no empathy for those dealing with toxic in-laws. Perhaps she's led a charmed, sheltered life, and has no clue that there are actually poisonous people out there. Fine, be naive. Just don't lecture those of us dealing with real problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has no empathy for those dealing with toxic in-laws. Perhaps she's led a charmed, sheltered life, and has no clue that there are actually poisonous people out there. Fine, be naive. Just don't lecture those of us dealing with real problems.

There are a lot of toxic inlaws, but I read about a lot of inlaw complaints on this site, and a lot of them sound like misunderstandings, or just being unable to cope with someone who has a different approach in life. Just because you haven't had a toxic inlaw doesn't mean that you haven't had toxic relatives or toxic people in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

It's amazing that you could love anyone, given the extreme lack of empathy you display in this post.

Not OP- what lack of empathy??? That post is one of the gentlest, most reasonable OPs people have written here!!!

She has a complete inability to understand or grasp that other people have different life experiences that she does. She assumes that because her in-laws are well meaning, lovely people that everyones MIL is a lovely, well meaning person. She has zero empathy.

She fails to realize that some of those "lovely, well meaning" people are abusive narcissists who should not have been allowed to raise plants, much less children. She has zero idea that narcissists and abusers are very, very good at presenting a wonderful, shiney exterior to the world while they abuse their children and then their DILs/SILs behind close doors. She fails to realize that many parents abandon their children in a multitude of ways, only to become demanding, shrill entitled monsters as old people.

Seriously, go read the thread about the father addicted to Oxycontin that was posted yesterday or the day before. Then imagine yourself as that person's DIL or SIL. There are a LOT of those parents around.

OP's post is a huge sign that she is going to be one of those MILs that DILS despise. She is perfectly happy to tell other people that their experiences are invalid and that they should live their lives exactly as she directs. Her poor DILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

It's amazing that you could love anyone, given the extreme lack of empathy you display in this post.

Not OP- what lack of empathy??? That post is one of the gentlest, most reasonable OPs people have written here!!!

She has a complete inability to understand or grasp that other people have different life experiences that she does. She assumes that because her in-laws are well meaning, lovely people that everyones MIL is a lovely, well meaning person. She has zero empathy.

She fails to realize that some of those "lovely, well meaning" people are abusive narcissists who should not have been allowed to raise plants, much less children. She has zero idea that narcissists and abusers are very, very good at presenting a wonderful, shiney exterior to the world while they abuse their children and then their DILs/SILs behind close doors. She fails to realize that many parents abandon their children in a multitude of ways, only to become demanding, shrill entitled monsters as old people.

Seriously, go read the thread about the father addicted to Oxycontin that was posted yesterday or the day before. Then imagine yourself as that person's DIL or SIL. There are a LOT of those parents around.

OP's post is a huge sign that she is going to be one of those MILs that DILS despise. She is perfectly happy to tell other people that their experiences are invalid and that they should live their lives exactly as she directs. Her poor DILs.

I take it you know my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and I miss her. She passed away a few years ago and I feel like I miss her even more now.

[Anonymous]

I don't love my MIL. My DH is her only child and she's extremely threatened by my presence in their lives. As a result, she's made absolutely no effort to get to know me and throws temper tantrums whenever we don't do what she wants us to do (like visiting for certain holidays, living in the house they wanted us to buy, leaving DC to live closer to them).

I really wanted to have a close relationship with her. She and my DH have a very good relationship and talk frequently on the phone, and he has a tight-knit extended family. Funny thing is, all of DH's aunts take me aside whenever we're at family events to laugh at MIL and make sure that I'm doing okay with her craziness. I try to downplay her behavior so I don't get busted talking shit about her, but DH's aunts know the truth. MIL is a nutcase and to be honest, I'm glad that she's made no effort to get to know me because now I don't have to pretend to like her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I adore my MIL!

My own mother is a piece of work, though. There is a reason I moved so far away from home. Sad, but truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

That's right OP, since you only have sons, you need to make some good karma... "son's a son until he takes a wife, but daughter is a daughter for life".

[Anonymous]

When my MIL lived 8 hours away I definitely liked her more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I was fond of my former MIL but she was spineless enabler. My future MIL is a witch on wheels but she lives in NoLa so I can't complain.

Hmmmm...

[Anonymous]

I love my MIL. Wish my in laws lived closer to us. I enjoy spending the holidays and family vacations with them.

[Anonymous]

Of course.

She is a remarkable woman, and has survived many terrible life events, a war among them, through sheer intelligence and determination.

We don't see each other very often since we live far away, but that doesn't mean I don't like her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my MIL is a wonderful person but definitely has her faults like everyone else. MY FIL is a total asshole and I don't blame my MIL one bit for leaving him 20 Yeats ago, In fact it makes me respect her more.