I love my MIL, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is really great. Insightful, engaging to speak to, loving, resourceful, caring, etc. Sure, she annoys me at times, but she means well and goes out of her way to be considerate of me. I don't take that for granted.

This describes my relationship with/feelings towards my MIL as well. We aren't as close as I am with my mom, but I am grateful to have the relationship with MIL that I have.

[Anonymous]

MIL here who adores my daughter in law. She is such a wonderful woman, mother, and wife to my son. I also love my son-in-law and am so lucky to live near my daughter and son and five gorgeous grandkiids. Sometimes I think I am the happiest mom and grandmother on the planet.

[Anonymous]

I do! So much.

[Anonymous]

I'd love to be able to love my MIL. Unfortunately she's not open to that since I am not a Jehovah's Witness and she is.
I've tried to have her be a part of our lives and help her relationship with her son but with her fundamentalist beliefs it's impossible.

[Anonymous]

Relationships are complicated.

I find my MIL super annoying and often complain about her.

But it doesn't mean I don't love her. If she got ill, I'd take her of her and I expect her to take care of my kids and husband if anything happened to me. I'd help her with whatever problems she was having and take her side in the world. She is family and in that way, I do love her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's wonderful.

It is also only your experience.

+1000

I would love to love my mil. Her husband, son (Dh), daughter and sister all think she's a huge piece of work. They barely tolerate her. I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a long time but I see exactly what frustrates the rest of the family. This does not make me pathetic or a bad dil. I am as kind as can be and I appreciate the few things she does. Op, you need to recognize that just because it's your experience doesn't make it a universal experience.

[Anonymous]

None of MIL's DILs can stand her. Must be a reason.

[Anonymous]

I wish I could have more of a relationship with my MIL, but they live too far away (halfway across the country).

My FIL is currently dealing with a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, and likely won't be with us much longer. I like him, too,and am sad, but I'm saying this because we have already told my MIL she is welcome to come and live with us when FIL passes. I think I'll get to bond with her more at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's wonderful.

It is also only your experience.

Its not only her experience. I love my MIL too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL here who adores my daughter in law. She is such a wonderful woman, mother, and wife to my son. I also love my son-in-law and am so lucky to live near my daughter and son and five gorgeous grandkiids. Sometimes I think I am the happiest mom and grandmother on the planet.

I love this. This is how I want to be someday. NOT like my depressed, depressing MIL who wants to talk about everyone's ailments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL here who adores my daughter in law. She is such a wonderful woman, mother, and wife to my son. I also love my son-in-law and am so lucky to live near my daughter and son and five gorgeous grandkiids. Sometimes I think I am the happiest mom and grandmother on the planet.

I love this. This is how I want to be someday. NOT like my depressed, depressing MIL who wants to talk about everyone's ailments.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Confession: I love my MIL, and as far as I know she has been nothing but gracious and loving to me, and I feel GUILTY for having a line across which I don't cross to trust her fully and share with her more.

It's just ... I've seen the judgment and the things she has said about other people in the family, to me, when she finds out about something she doesn't like. It's usually something I don't think is that bad, so ... what does she say about me to them when she finds out something about me?

The two people who I know always have my back are my mom and my dad, mostly my mom. (I mean, my DH loves me, but it's not really unconditional. I could screw it up.) I love my MIL, but she's not my mom. We have a good relationship, but I feel a lot of guilt that I can't take a few more walls down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

My MIL does not tell me what an awesome mom I am. She focuses only on the things she doesn't like (mainly, we don't see her everyday, which is a huge problem apparently) and complains loudly, openly, and NON-STOP about it each and every time I see her. She does not respect boundaries and is rude at least as often as she is kind. I still give her a break, because she DOES adore my child and she is a much better grandmother than she is a MIL.

Your experience is not everyone's. I do not hate my MIL. I love her because she is my DH's mom and she is a good grandmother to my DD and I respect both those things very much. But I also can't say I really LIKE her. I'd never choose to spend time with her without my DH or DD present. She's negative and gruff and she is quick to tell you things she doesn't like, while being quite frugal with affection and compliment. Those traits make her very difficult to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's wonderful.

It is also only your experience.

+1000

I would love to love my mil. Her husband, son (Dh), daughter and sister all think she's a huge piece of work. They barely tolerate her. I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a long time but I see exactly what frustrates the rest of the family. This does not make me pathetic or a bad dil. I am as kind as can be and I appreciate the few things she does. Op, you need to recognize that just because it's your experience doesn't make it a universal experience.

PP has a good point here about the person in question's own children- do they have good relationships with their mother and father? Are they healthy? Its probably a good bet that if the only relationship that is sour in the family is a DIL/MIL one, but the rest are good and healthy- that its probably a bit of a two way street more than either party would admit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confession: I love my MIL, and as far as I know she has been nothing but gracious and loving to me, and I feel GUILTY for having a line across which I don't cross to trust her fully and share with her more.

It's just ... I've seen the judgment and the things she has said about other people in the family, to me, when she finds out about something she doesn't like. It's usually something I don't think is that bad, so ... what does she say about me to them when she finds out something about me?

you sound like you married into my family, this describes my mother exactly.