I love my MIL, do you?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

[Anonymous]

That's wonderful.

It is also only your experience.

[Anonymous]

I love them for raising my DH in a kind and supportive and loving home! They aren't "my cup of tea" but I can see beyond that and absolutely have love for them.

[Anonymous]

I know of two older ladies who have raised their grandchildren. They had an ok relationship with their DILs, but these ladies really stepped up to the plate when their grandkids were born and the DILs continued to work. The MILs have done everything for their grandkids, AND the DILs have let the MILs raise them without interfering.

As a result, the relationship now between the grandkids and grandmothers is very close.

I am sure the DILs and MILs have different parenting styles and there must have been a lot of things they did not like about each other, but by being flexible they adjusted and now the family is closer than ever.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

MIL was a real sweetie. Miss her as she passed away. FIL ( also gone) was a bit of a pita though.

[Anonymous]

I love my MIL. My in-laws live in the DC area and I'm closer to them than I am my parents. I text with my MIL frequently and we see them every other week or so. No kids but I know they will be great grandparents and also happy to babysit

My parents are fine but we aren't super close and have just never had much in common. I see them a couple times a year and I'm sure it will be more frequently when we have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my MIL. My in-laws live in the DC area and I'm closer to them than I am my parents. I text with my MIL frequently and we see them every other week or so. No kids but I know they will be great grandparents and also happy to babysit

My parents are fine but we aren't super close and have just never had much in common. I see them a couple times a year and I'm sure it will be more frequently when we have kids.

Also, my parents live an 8 hour drive away, hence the not seeing frequently.

[Anonymous]

My MIL can be a royal pain, she is unhappy in life and that makes me sad.

Still she raised eight amazing kids and I got the pick of the litter. I love and respect her for that.

[Anonymous]

No. I was fond of my former MIL but she was spineless enabler. My future MIL is a witch on wheels but she lives in NoLa so I can't complain.

[Anonymous]

I love my mil, they retired to Florida and I miss her so much. I would love nothing more than for them to move back close to us.

[Anonymous]

She produced a pretty fantastic son - can't knock that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

It's amazing that you could love anyone, given the extreme lack of empathy you display in this post.

[Anonymous]

I adore my MIL, she's a wonderful person, she's amazing with my kids, I enjoy having her around and I'm honestly not sure what we'd do without her (she lives 15 minutes away).

That said, I can appreciate why not everyone likes their in-laws. Some people are just like oil and water, and simply don't work well together even if neither is "bad" or "wrong" per se. And that's leaving aside the cases where some really is in the wrong, such as a parent-in-law who refuses to respect reasonable boundaries, or a son/daughter-in-law who refuses to welcome their spouse's extended family.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is fine and I like her, but my husband is content to have a distant relationship and has been very independent since he left home for college. Since I believe we each should take point with our own families and I don't want to interfere with his relationships, I find it a little sad that she's not as present as she could be. It's not always the DIL'd fault. I hope my son reaches out to me when he's grown up!