I love my MIL, do you?

[Anonymous]

Mine is really great. Insightful, engaging to speak to, loving, resourceful, caring, etc. Sure, she annoys me at times, but she means well and goes out of her way to be considerate of me. I don't take that for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

Must be nice. Enjoy your good fortune and try not to be judgmental about others' opinions of their inlaws.

[Anonymous]

I respect my MIL, but love is a real stretch and kind of ridiculous. There is nothing resembling closeness between us, which is a natural precursor to love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

It's amazing that you could love anyone, given the extreme lack of empathy you display in this post.

+100000

When your MIL spits "I am here to see (the baby) NOT YOU!" completely unprompted, get back to me on how you feel about your MIL, OP. Yeah, it only gets "better" from there, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I respect my MIL, but love is a real stretch and kind of ridiculous. There is nothing resembling closeness between us, which is a natural precursor to love.

+1

Also, I would respect my MIL if she treated others as she wished to be treated. It really is not so difficult. It is difficult to warm up to a cold, bitter person like my MIL.

[Anonymous]

I sort of admire my MIL- my DH turned out pretty well despite a more difficult upbringing. Even he says that she always chose the interests/needs of the various men in her life over her children.

It's hard to respect her at times when she's racist, homophobic, guilt-tripping, and just downright bizarre. I'd always hoped for a close relationship, so it's not like I set out to dislike her immediately. My DH says he loves her, but doesn't like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

It's amazing that you could love anyone, given the extreme lack of empathy you display in this post.

+100. Probably just a troll, a trained puppy or an insecure person looking for MIL approval.

[Anonymous]

The same way that I love my own mom- to be honest no, but I care for a her a lot and do love her if I actually think about it (we just don't spend all that much time together because of distance). I know she adores my son and that she really wants the best for me and my DH and she's very kind hearted.

I don't think its that out there to have good DIL/MIL relationships- I think that this forum is obviously going to skew hard core! My mom is one of 6 (3 boys and 3 girls) so I've gotten to see a range of MIL and DIL/SIL relationships though that and while some of the DIL/SIL are closer than others, all 6 have good relationships with my grandmother- all could and do spend 1 on 1 time occasionally at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

Must be nice. Enjoy your good fortune and try not to be judgmental about others' opinions of their inlaws.

My MIL would never drop anything and drive the 10 minutes to help. Even when our twins were sick, she would not come over when they finally napped so I could pick up my son from school. She never tells me what an awesome mom I am or how she sees all the work I do for the family. Instead, she is critical. And she never respects our boundaries.

She only comes over when it is convenient to her (she is retired), even if that means 9PM. And then she will just sit on the couch and expect everything to be literally handed to her.

She desperately wants to stay attached to her son (DH), but not me or the kids. So no, I do not need to flex a little and open our home or hearts to her. She has alienated all of us all by herself.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm going on vacation with my in laws in two weeks and can't wait. My relationship started out bumpy with my MIL. I believe she felt threatened by my presence initially. But over the years we became pretty close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

Must be nice. Enjoy your good fortune and try not to be judgmental about others' opinions of their inlaws.

My MIL would never drop anything and drive the 10 minutes to help. Even when our twins were sick, she would not come over when they finally napped so I could pick up my son from school. She never tells me what an awesome mom I am or how she sees all the work I do for the family. Instead, she is critical. And she never respects our boundaries.

She only comes over when it is convenient to her (she is retired), even if that means 9PM. And then she will just sit on the couch and expect everything to be literally handed to her.

She desperately wants to stay attached to her son (DH), but not me or the kids. So no, I do not need to flex a little and open our home or hearts to her. She has alienated all of us all by herself.

I think you are expecting to much from your MIL. No she shouldn't be critical but it's not her job to tell you that you're an awesome mom or drop everything to help you. Sure it would be nice, but perhaps your expectations are just too high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

Must be nice. Enjoy your good fortune and try not to be judgmental about others' opinions of their inlaws.

My MIL would never drop anything and drive the 10 minutes to help. Even when our twins were sick, she would not come over when they finally napped so I could pick up my son from school. She never tells me what an awesome mom I am or how she sees all the work I do for the family. Instead, she is critical. And she never respects our boundaries.

She only comes over when it is convenient to her (she is retired), even if that means 9PM. And then she will just sit on the couch and expect everything to be literally handed to her.

She desperately wants to stay attached to her son (DH), but not me or the kids. So no, I do not need to flex a little and open our home or hearts to her. She has alienated all of us all by herself.

I think you are expecting to much from your MIL. No she shouldn't be critical but it's not her job to tell you that you're an awesome mom or drop everything to help you. Sure it would be nice, but perhaps your expectations are just too high.

I was trying to convey to the OP that not all MILs are like hers. She seems to think otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I really like my MIL. She has told me I can call her mom, but that's a bit too much for me. But I still really like her. She has her own life and checks in occasionally without being overbearing. I've never met FIL, DH hasn't talked to him more than a couple of times over the past few years.

[Anonymous]

I agree, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I'm a mom of two boys, but I find all these "I hate my MIL" threads sad. Especially when you read them and 90% of the things MIL has done are just typical people mistakes or different styles of communicating. This idea that so many MILs are full of malice and jealousy is pathetic. Seems like most of the time the DIL is insecure or MIL just wants to be part of things. BTW, I'm a DIL.

Let me say it here...I LOVE MY MIL. And my FIL. And my own parents, especially my own mother. They are all well meaning, lovely people who love and support me and my family. I did have some issues with my inlaws in the early years of my marriage (late 20s/early 30s), but as I've gotten older (14 years of marriage) I look back and realize most of it was just due to family differences.

My inlaws are great. They adore my kids. They drop everything and drive 8 hours here to help whenever we need them to. They always tell me what an awesome mom I am and how they see all the work I do for the family. They respect our boundaries (although sometimes we've had to gently point those boundaries out). Sure, they overstep sometimes or could come across as rude (if I was hypersensitive). They aren't perfect, but neither am I.

I wish all you DILs out there with new babies and little kids would give your inlaws a break. They so desperately want to be included in your family, to stay attached to their sons. Just flex a little and open your homes and hearts a bit, you might find that you could someday love them.

It's amazing that you could love anyone, given the extreme lack of empathy you display in this post.

+100000

When your MIL spits "I am here to see (the baby) NOT YOU!" completely unprompted, get back to me on how you feel about your MIL, OP. Yeah, it only gets "better" from there, sadly.

[phone]. When your MIL cannot be bothered to come see you newborn for a month until being begged by her son because she is helping her daughter with her child then get back to me.