WAPO piece from adoptive mom to teacher

[Anonymous]

She didn't say her niece/daughter isn't special to her, she said her kid is not a "special snowflake." On DCUM, special snowflake is typically not a flattering term -- it disparages parents who are presumed to be overly sensitive and over protective.

[Anonymous]

As an adoptive mom I get sooooo tired of these pieces: How the world should talk about our family and why don't they know that already. I agree it's more about her issues. Don't make it an issue and others won't.
That said, I put my foot down at "real parent," and also I'd object to the family tree assignment which is just going to be too loaded a topic for some kids.
But the fact is there are all sorts of family issues from divorce to kids with special needs etc. It's great to educate but best to educate by example not with a holier than though prickly attitude.

[Anonymous]

What a jerk.

I love it when people sign really nasty, rude letters "warmly."

[Anonymous]

I agree with most of those who didn't like this article ... and I say that as the mother of an adopted boy. But a few of the commenters who took the tone "why should MY child suffer because of YOUR child's issue" are also way off base. Schools need to be inclusive. To suggest that family trees are ok because most kids have bio families sends the wrong message that that's the right way to have a family and all others need to just tow the line. We should all try ... within reason of course ... to be sensitive to all our concerns. That's why we have ramps for disabled people free breakfasts for low income kids, etc. I personally dont have a big problem with family tree assignments but I also don't think they are an essential part of an eduation (reading, writing, family tree ... not)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an adoptive mom I get sooooo tired of these pieces: How the world should talk about our family and why don't they know that already. I agree it's more about her issues. Don't make it an issue and others won't.
That said, I put my foot down at "real parent," and also I'd object to the family tree assignment which is just going to be too loaded a topic for some kids.
But the fact is there are all sorts of family issues from divorce to kids with special needs etc. It's great to educate but best to educate by example not with a holier than though prickly attitude.

I'm not getting the issue with family trees and adoption. You either just use the adoptive family or you alter it to make it fit within your needs regardless of the family style. My child only knows his birth grandparents as grandparents. He has three sets. No big deal. Everyone knows them as they are as active as our parents in our lives. So, we'd include birth mom's family, including her sister who we also adore. My child gets he is adopted and gets who is who but it is also his normal and right now he thinks its normal to have that much family as immediate family. And, when its talked about at school, we'll deal with it then. Our school is sensitive to it and everyone knows the situation. To me its more an issue for the parents, not the kids. If you are uncomfortable with adoption, then you simply use your family and not the biological family as well.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I totally get the issue with the family tree either. I want my child (by adoption) to have a sense that he is 100% a part of an extended family, so I actually think I will enjoy doing such a project with him when he is old enough. And yes, I will also honor his birth family--these two things are not exclusive.

I do have to add, as someone raised by a single dad I can tell you that it was INSANE how many projects I had to do, all the way up through high school, that assumed that I lived in a 2 parent family. It was super awkward a lot of the time and sometimes caused me to go home and cry. I'd love to say that times have changed and teachers know that there are all kinds of families these days, but I work in an elementary school and can tell you that some teachers, even young ones, are kind of narrow-minded (without even knowing that they are.) So, even though I don't know what they'd be yet, I can imagine that there might be some school assignments or discussions coming up that sort of assume my son comes from a certain kind of family. I would never write a rant-y letter to my child's teacher, but I will definitely talk about my child's adoption with him/her and kind of politely encourage sensitivity about ALL kinds of families (not just my own.)

[Anonymous]

A sampling of comments from MS peers that my DD has heard:

"Is that your real mom?"

"You should find your real mom and dad."

And even worse: "At least I know who my parents are."

"At least my parents loved me enough to keep me."

Just saying.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I totally get the issue with the family tree either. I want my child (by adoption) to have a sense that he is 100% a part of an extended family, so I actually think I will enjoy doing such a project with him when he is old enough. And yes, I will also honor his birth family--these two things are not exclusive.

You may find yourself surprised at how things hit your child smack in the face when the issues are forced on them. It is a quite different situation when your child comes to you to discuss their family than where they are required to do a project on a particular day that forces them to deal with the fact that their biological parents choose not to keep them. My kids all talk freely about their adoptions when they feel like talking about them. They discuss and ask about their biological families. But, almost every time one of these projects comes up, the kid who has to do it ends up in tears many times throughout. This really has nothing to do with what you will enjoy doing.