Giving up your master bedroom and bath to visiting ILs

[Anonymous]

No way. You have a guest room for guests. They will have to climb stairs for both. You would really give up your room and bath so they can have a king bed? Are you going to move some clothes downstairs? What if MIL wants to go to bed early? Will you guys have to go in there to get your pj's, face cleaner, lotion, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have a great relationship with my parents and my husband has the same with his parents. I would never tell them to stay in a hotel while they were visiting me just so I wouldn't have to be slightly uncomfortable for a few days/weeks. They sacrificed so much for me, it's the least I can do for them.

Yeah, I kind of see your point on this, and I would always offer the master to my own parents, or really, most other guests. But my in-laws are very, very affluent, and so it would really mean absolutely nothing to them to spend money on a hotel, so if they were truly opposed to an available queen bed in our house, I would kind of wonder why they didn't just get a hotel.

But it's not just about money. You know that staying in the same home does bring about different closeness. Kids are definitely more comfortable with someone after they've been guests in the home. If it's just a few days I wouldn't think twice about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you done it/would you do it? My husband wants to do this when his parents get here. I'm afraid I would end up resentful. Also, the thought of my FIL in my bed disgusts me.

But otherwise they would sleep in the basement, which is finished but not as nice, and has a queen, not a king.

My parents stayed inthe guest bedroom inthe basement until a few years ago. It is easier for them to be on the main floor now that they are older. My father is in decling health (my mother passed away last year) and we are about to move him "permanently" into our bedroom and take the guest room as our own.

If you have an adequate guest room, I see no reason for your ILs to use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you done it/would you do it? My husband wants to do this when his parents get here. I'm afraid I would end up resentful. Also, the thought of my FIL in my bed disgusts me.

But otherwise they would sleep in the basement, which is finished but not as nice, and has a queen, not a king.

My parents stayed inthe guest bedroom inthe basement until a few years ago. It is easier for them to be on the main floor now that they are older. My father is in decling health (my mother passed away last year) and we are about to move him "permanently" into our bedroom and take the guest room as our own.

If you have an adequate guest room, I see no reason for your ILs NOT to use it.

[Anonymous]

There are hundreds of hotels in the DC area alone.

It is weird to offer your bed to someone else, sorry. If they can't deal with the sofa bed, go to a hotel. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do something about the spiders, one a day is awful.
I could not sleep if I knew there was a spider down there with me.

LOL, don't close your eyes tonight, or any night... there for sure is a spider somewhere in your house.

There is never anytime in a human's life that they are more than 3 feet from a spider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Gracious guests understand the basic human decency in being a guest: improve, not worsen, the lives of your hosts.

If the prospective guests post here you can suggest that they offer to sleep in the spider-infested basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do something about the spiders, one a day is awful.
I could not sleep if I knew there was a spider down there with me.

LOL, don't close your eyes tonight, or any night... there for sure is a spider somewhere in your house.

There is never anytime in a human's life that they are more than 3 feet from a spider.

Maybe not quite 3 feet - but they're close and this rocks. I don't care as long as I cant see them.

OP - I let my affluent ILs take our room. It's a no-brainer, just because I don't want to freak them out anymore than I already do, living in scary DC, and in NE no less!!! It's just one less thing they can go home and talk disgustedly and befuddled about to their friends.

My mother is happy with a couch and a sheet and my in-laws totally suck, but what are you gonna do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do something about the spiders, one a day is awful.
I could not sleep if I knew there was a spider down there with me.

LOL, don't close your eyes tonight, or any night... there for sure is a spider somewhere in your house.

There is never anytime in a human's life that they are more than 3 feet from a spider.

Maybe not quite 3 feet - but they're close and this rocks. I don't care as long as I cant see them.

OP - I let my affluent ILs take our room. It's a no-brainer, just because I don't want to freak them out anymore than I already do, living in scary DC, and in NE no less!!! It's just one less thing they can go home and talk disgustedly and befuddled about to their friends.

My mother is happy with a couch and a sheet and my in-laws totally suck, but what are you gonna do?

If they're so affluent, why don't they get a hotel?

[Anonymous]

If my inlaws were alive no way they'd even dream of asking us to give up our bed and bath. They knew what we did in there.

There's a reason guest rooms are called guest rooms.

[Anonymous]

We have no guest room or basement. The kids sleep in a crib and single bed, so their rooms are not options. When my parents visit they sleep on a mattress in the living room - they want to be here when the kids wake up and enjoy breakfast etc together. ILs choose to sleep in a hotel because they don't want the mattress in the living room. That's their choice - though DCUM tore me a new one for not offering them my room in this situation.

DH and I agree that we're not comfortable giving up our room. My reasoning is mostly, as other expressed, the intimacy and privacy of my space. I am not particularly close with them, and it makes me uncomfortable. Also, when they are here it's always over a weekend and I do work in my room on weekends during the day - if they were in there I would end up having to work while in my son's twin bed or on the floor. If I needed to escape from them - they can be a lot to handle - I literally have no where to go. It's one thing for them to come visit, which I find stressful enough, but if I had to give up the only privacy and space I had I would forever resent every moment of their visits.

Maybe I'm choosing to be selfish. But I need to draw the line somewhere and that's where I choose to draw it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the responses. I am afraid my soul has not progressed enough to do this graciously. I fear I would be sulky.

Dont do it. You and your husband need to set boundaries. If ILs don't like the guest room then recommend a hotel. I would never give up my bedroom, that is so strange to me.

[Anonymous]

I know this is too little too late, but you if you have visiting relatives often, you definitely need to make fixing up your guest room a priority. I would pay for my inlaws to go to a hotel before I'd give them our master suite, but like others have mentioned, I consider our marital space intimate and for us only. I don't want to have to pack up all of my lotions, feminine hygiene products, lube, etc.

It has nothing to do with not respecting my in-laws. I love them, which is why I would always make sure I had a great room ready for them when they came to visit.

OP, what kind of arrangements have you made for them in the past?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't think that I had to pack up my belongings to use a different room. However, I don't want my bedroom to have other people sleeping in there besides my husband and occasionally a kid.

[Anonymous]

Out of curiosity OP, where did DH's grandparents sleep when they visited? Mine lived fairly close to us yet still there were times they stayed with us. It would be weird for the homeowners to give up their room - their kids are another story. Can't imagine Lord Grantham giving his mother his room because it was nicer/bigger/better accessorized -- even if it was once "hers."