Giving up your master bedroom and bath to visiting ILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A queen bed in a finished basement is a perfectly fine guest option. Keep your space, OP. No need to offer it up.

Yep.

And, since you are posting here, chances are very high there's a nice hotel or airbnb nearby for the in-laws to enjoy, if they wish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If I don't do it, I will feel guilty, if I do, I will have no sanctuary to escape to and I probably won't sleep well, and I may get so stressed out by the end of their visit that I behave poorly. Lots of other stressful issues around their visits for me.

Normally the finished basement is where our 2 kids sleep. There is a full bath, but it is very 80s. There is a tiny bedroom which is my younger's, that has a door. Then there is a great room space with no door, where my DD sleeps (comfortable queen bed).

We have had a handyman no show 3 times on us to put in a door, including today, the day my ILs arrive. Handyman texted he's not coming.

So they will have no door.

Also they can't share the same bed unless it's a king. So we were thinking to move the kids up with us in an adjacent room, so one of them could have the twin in the little bedroom, and the other could have the queen.

Final issue is that once a day, at night, my DD finds a massive disgusting spider down there. I feel major guilt for her for this, have looked into extermination, but don't really want kids in a basement space with a bunch of chemicals either. They appeared this summer, we always race down and get the spider out, was hoping they would just "go away".

Didn't sleep well last night from the anxiety of this. Had a blowup with husband as we cleaned last night (we rarely fight). Horrible.

You don't really have a guest room, so you have no choice but to offer DH's parents your bedroom. Anything else is ungracious.

You don't really have a guestroom which is why your inlaws should stay at a hotel!

Though I'd just move your kids upstairs and let your inlaws have the basement alone.

+100. Gracious guests understand the basic human decency in being a guest: improve, not worsen, the lives of your hosts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not give up my bedroom to my IL. It is my intimate space and has all of my personal items from my life in it. There's boxes of old letters, photos, small trinkets of my mothers, my dad's aftershave, etc. I like my IL, but quite honestly, people are curious, people open things they shouldn't, and I really don't want the most private things I own to be open to others.

THIS is how I feel. Not so worried about the bed, more so the intimacy would he an issue.

Not to mention I have no desire to empty my bathroom of birth control, tampons, fertility monitor, lubricants, medicine, etc.

People are nosy, ESPECIALLY mother in laws!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not give up my bedroom to my IL. It is my intimate space and has all of my personal items from my life in it. There's boxes of old letters, photos, small trinkets of my mothers, my dad's aftershave, etc. I like my IL, but quite honestly, people are curious, people open things they shouldn't, and I really don't want the most private things I own to be open to others.

THIS is how I feel. Not so worried about the bed, more so the intimacy would he an issue.

Not to mention I have no desire to empty my bathroom of birth control, tampons, fertility monitor, lubricants, medicine, etc.

People are nosy, ESPECIALLY mother in laws!

+1. We had an overnight sitter sleep in our master bedroom when there was a very nice guestroom available on the same floor. She wasn't the nosy type but it still bothered me that she slept there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the responses. I am afraid my soul has not progressed enough to do this graciously. I fear I would be sulky.

Tell your DH he can give up his half if he wants, but you're staying put! Now, if IL's are up for that, you're screwed though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you done it/would you do it? My husband wants to do this when his parents get here. I'm afraid I would end up resentful. Also, the thought of my FIL in my bed disgusts me.

But otherwise they would sleep in the basement, which is finished but not as nice, and has a queen, not a king.

Get a cheap mattress pad...put it on the bed before they arrive...then throw it away after they leave. That way you can consider your FIL slept on that and not your mattress.

[Anonymous]

Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We specifically turned a portion of the basement into a guest suite, with a bedroom and bathroom so as to avoid this exact scenario.

Why the basement? I hate sleeping in basements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no.

+1

[Anonymous]

Do something about the spiders, one a day is awful.
I could not sleep if I knew there was a spider down there with me.

[Anonymous]

If my husband said it was important to him to offer the master to his visiting parents, I would do it. It wouldn't be my favorite thing, but in the big scheme of things, not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do something about the spiders, one a day is awful.
I could not sleep if I knew there was a spider down there with me.

LOL, don't close your eyes tonight, or any night... there for sure is a spider somewhere in your house.

[Anonymous]

My first reaction is 'hell, no." but I've never had to deal with it-- my in laws are both single and we have a fine single bed in our guest room. It just seems so invasive. Though as a guest (especially an older one), it probably would make me a lot more comfortable. At 35, I've kind of hit my limit on staying on air mattresses and the like. I'm sure by 65, i'll be a worthless guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great relationship with my parents and my husband has the same with his parents. I would never tell them to stay in a hotel while they were visiting me just so I wouldn't have to be slightly uncomfortable for a few days/weeks. They sacrificed so much for me, it's the least I can do for them.

Regarding the spiders, you make your kids tolerate it, but you won't?

This. This thread makes me a little sad. Some people are really just not very gracious and also, kind of mean.

[Anonymous]

I have a great relationship with my parents and my husband has the same with his parents. I would never tell them to stay in a hotel while they were visiting me just so I wouldn't have to be slightly uncomfortable for a few days/weeks. They sacrificed so much for me, it's the least I can do for them.

Yeah, I kind of see your point on this, and I would always offer the master to my own parents, or really, most other guests. But my in-laws are very, very affluent, and so it would really mean absolutely nothing to them to spend money on a hotel, so if they were truly opposed to an available queen bed in our house, I would kind of wonder why they didn't just get a hotel.