Giving up your master bedroom and bath to visiting ILs

[Anonymous]

I would not give up my bedroom to my IL. It is my intimate space and has all of my personal items from my life in it. There's boxes of old letters, photos, small trinkets of my mothers, my dad's aftershave, etc. I like my IL, but quite honestly, people are curious, people open things they shouldn't, and I really don't want the most private things I own to be open to others.

[Anonymous]

Never give up your bedroom, especially when You have a perfectly acceptable option for them in the basement. If that isn't to their liking, send them to a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can your inlaws only sleep on a king? That's the most asinine thing.

Maybe they're very large people and don't physically fit on a queen bed? That's the only thing I can think of. Otherwise to say "Oh, I can only sleep on a king bed, not a queen" is just being prissy. And I think if you're going to be THAT prissy, you should take your prissy self to a hotel. And I say that as a prissy yet obese person, who has slept on people's couches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can your inlaws only sleep on a king? That's the most asinine thing.

This caught my eye too. Maybe they don't sleep together at home?

They sound like prima donnas to me. My parents sleep in a king at home, but when I had a tiny guest room they slept in a full sized bed and now they sleep in a queen in oru larger guest room. It would not occur to them to ask me to let them sleep in the master (which always has had a queen).

[Anonymous]

We do not give up our master bedroom. We have a guest room with a queen bed that is just fine. If we are going to have more than one guest (or couple), we also have a futon with springs that folds out to Queen size (and a topper for it), and then a tall air mattress.

We are very clear with people before they visit about the sleeping arrangements so they can decide accordingly. Not at all offended if people prefer a hotel. But we don't give up our bedroom.

[Anonymous]

I've offered, but only with the caveat that they have to get up in the night with my small children! They've never taken me up on that offer, sadly. I would be happy to give up my king sized bed for the full in the basement if it meant I got a full night's sleep! Otherwise, only if they were old and infirm and absolutely needed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If I don't do it, I will feel guilty, if I do, I will have no sanctuary to escape to and I probably won't sleep well, and I may get so stressed out by the end of their visit that I behave poorly. Lots of other stressful issues around their visits for me.

Normally the finished basement is where our 2 kids sleep. There is a full bath, but it is very 80s. There is a tiny bedroom which is my younger's, that has a door. Then there is a great room space with no door, where my DD sleeps (comfortable queen bed).

We have had a handyman no show 3 times on us to put in a door, including today, the day my ILs arrive. Handyman texted he's not coming.

So they will have no door.

Also they can't share the same bed unless it's a king. So we were thinking to move the kids up with us in an adjacent room, so one of them could have the twin in the little bedroom, and the other could have the queen.

Final issue is that once a day, at night, my DD finds a massive disgusting spider down there. I feel major guilt for her for this, have looked into extermination, but don't really want kids in a basement space with a bunch of chemicals either. They appeared this summer, we always race down and get the spider out, was hoping they would just "go away".

Didn't sleep well last night from the anxiety of this. Had a blowup with husband as we cleaned last night (we rarely fight). Horrible.

You don't really have a guest room, so you have no choice but to offer DH's parents your bedroom. Anything else is ungracious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If I don't do it, I will feel guilty, if I do, I will have no sanctuary to escape to and I probably won't sleep well, and I may get so stressed out by the end of their visit that I behave poorly. Lots of other stressful issues around their visits for me.

Normally the finished basement is where our 2 kids sleep. There is a full bath, but it is very 80s. There is a tiny bedroom which is my younger's, that has a door. Then there is a great room space with no door, where my DD sleeps (comfortable queen bed).

We have had a handyman no show 3 times on us to put in a door, including today, the day my ILs arrive. Handyman texted he's not coming.

So they will have no door.

Also they can't share the same bed unless it's a king. So we were thinking to move the kids up with us in an adjacent room, so one of them could have the twin in the little bedroom, and the other could have the queen.

Final issue is that once a day, at night, my DD finds a massive disgusting spider down there. I feel major guilt for her for this, have looked into extermination, but don't really want kids in a basement space with a bunch of chemicals either. They appeared this summer, we always race down and get the spider out, was hoping they would just "go away".

Didn't sleep well last night from the anxiety of this. Had a blowup with husband as we cleaned last night (we rarely fight). Horrible.

You don't really have a guest room, so you have no choice but to offer DH's parents your bedroom. Anything else is ungracious.

You don't really have a guestroom which is why your inlaws should stay at a hotel!

Though I'd just move your kids upstairs and let your inlaws have the basement alone.

[Anonymous]

I did when I didn't have another option. I think in your case, it would depend on their mobility. If they are perfectly capable of going up and down stairs with ease, then they can use the basement suite. If not, you should let them use your room.

[Anonymous]

I have a great relationship with my parents and my husband has the same with his parents. I would never tell them to stay in a hotel while they were visiting me just so I wouldn't have to be slightly uncomfortable for a few days/weeks. They sacrificed so much for me, it's the least I can do for them.

Regarding the spiders, you make your kids tolerate it, but you won't?

[Anonymous]

OP , I will say that if you DO end up giving up your room (which I don't think is necessary in this situation at all!) then it sounds like you are trying to fish to use that as an excuse to behave poorly or be rude or say something you seem to want to say anyway but are going to do it under the guise of "resentment over the room"

Please don't do this. Acting like an asshat is never "excused", it always reflects badly on the person doing it, not the recipient, no matter how annoying the recipient is.

[Anonymous]

Miss Manners says one should never give up one's bedroom for guests. If there is nowhere else to put the guests, someone must make a hotel reservation (for the guests).

[Anonymous]

This is a toughie. I'd feel weird about my in-laws IN MY BED (I mean, it's a bit intimate) and at the same time if they are infirm and old (and it sounds like they def are the later) there's no other real choice. A hotel would be a bit much in the opposite direction in many family cultures.

That said insisting on a king bed is kind of ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

NO.

/thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your right and your husband is a POS for putting them before you. Not a reason in the world why they can't sleep in that other bed.

yup.agreed. It would be one thing if the guest option is absolutely terrible...