SO, husband suddently transitioning to Executive role, income tripling, becoming SAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

Ditto. I know lots of these men. Keep your job you are likely to need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be careful before you give everything up. This happened to my brother and his family two years ago, and it was a HUGE promotion for my brother. New company cars, three or four times his previous salary, expense accounts, etc. But my brother just got laid off last month and now they are scrambling.

It was the best job that he'd ever had. But it didn't last. So just be careful.

Good advice. The gravy train does not always run forever. Always live below your means and save. Don't ramp up your lifestyle too quickly or too much. You may regret it.

[Anonymous]

Also need to be prepared for that large ass tax bill that's cominng your way.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You sound as dumb as a rock.

How did you even hold down a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

Ditto. I know lots of these men. Keep your job you are likely to need it.

again, dumb as a rock

Can you even survive on your own?

[Anonymous]

This may be happening in our family this fall. DH is the director of a non-profit who was recruited for a VP-level corporate job at a company that pays very well. The salary bump would've been a direct result of the low compensation at his organization and the transition to a company that pays much more, even for similar work. Our plan was that I would quit my stable-but-crappy job and focus on the graduate degree I'm currently working on part time. I think the only thing that will really change is that we will probably bump up our cleaning service to every week instead of every other week. I already do most of the cooking because I'm a foodie and he's happy to eat tuna out of the can. He would likely not be as available for picking DD up at school, but that's not the end of the world.

As for the issues about power, affairs, etc., I have seen people's positions go to their heads in a lot of ways. I'm not personally concerned about my DH suddenly becoming catnip to all the kittens in the corporate world. Not everyone's marriage is unstable and not everyone's husband is a philandering narcissist.

The job hasn't come through yet, but he's a finalist, per the recruiter. I don't feel the angst that the OP seems to feel, if she's not a troll.

[Anonymous]

Did your DH find the job through his Executive Recruiter?

[Anonymous]

To be honest, I'd be wondering what's going on. Is OP's husband being set up to fail somehow (e.g. being put in charge of some huge German war munitions in March 1945, or being made CFO of the company right before the CEO/former CFO know there's going to be some huge accounting scandal?) Worse yet, is OP's husband going to be asked to do something illegal 6-18 months in once he's used to his shiny new house/car/mistress?

More benignly, it could be a combination of an old college friend + being underpaid at his old job.

Anonymous wrote:context matters. Are we talking going from $90K as a government schlub to $270K as an association or non-profit "executive?" But still living in Gainesville and riding the MARC train 2.5 hours per day?
Or are we talking private sector near-executive to executive and comp near $1M???

Totally different lifestyles and intra-family dynamics.

-- pp 10:32

To be fair, if he's taking the MARC from Gainesville that's an hour of driving he doesn't have to do

And he could move from Gainesville to Fairfax if he so desired. But the dynamics are essentially the same as you outline, as opposed to suddenly making $500k and up in the private sector where the dynamics will change.

Anonymous wrote:Not saying the new SAHM and her "executive" husband are not worthy, but I bet there is a equal or more worthy female that got passed over so her DH could take the "executive" position, because the company figured the female would also quit working when her own DH gets promoted to an "executive " position. On another long thread, people talked about SAHM with advanced degrees choosing to quit work and this is what happens.

But you *are* saying they're not worthy, assuming without any basis whatsoever that OP's husband didn't deserve this promotion.

Anonymous wrote:No more clarification from OP?

I'm thinking maybe there has been some sort of misunderstanding here. OP thinks something big happened or it was exaggerated by her DH.

As previously pointed out, no one who was at the near exec level (VP, senior director) triples their income in one move with a promotion. It's also inconceivable anyone at that level could be as clueless as OP.

I think OP's DH worked in some sort of government, quasi-government or non-profit position (let's say Director of IT) at $100K and just took a job with some sort of shady start-up or risky venture and he was sold a bill of goods (base + bonus "target"). Given OP's lack of ability to write clearly, language and cultural issues may be part of the misunderstanding with DH at his work.

--pp 10:32

Hmm, I didn't think of that (OP taking the most optimistic bonus projection and assuming it's her husband's base salary.) Also, IT Directors would be making more than $100k at all but the tiniest of shops.

Anonymous wrote:It goes both ways. I've had a lot of success and am grateful for my solid moral compass. There are so many married women I see behaving like cats in heat.

Since this is anonymous...

I'm a wealthy sahm and my social circle is mostly wealthy sahms and honestly more of them are having affairs than their husbands. In fact been here 15 years and maybe have heard of 2-3 husbands cheating. I know twice that many wifes cheating right now.

YMMV

To be fair, the husbands probably have more places they can cheat, and are less likely to share their knowledge of cheating with you. Once you hear about it, the wife has already found out, and has decided to (1) move on, (2) divorce, (3) milk it for another vacation to Aruba, or (4) stay married and become bitter about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

I hate to say it but I have seen this time and time again. Men suddenly become more attractive to other women due to their success and are suddenly hit on when they might have been ignored in the past. This strokes their already inflating ego. Many also develop a sense of entitlement "I work so hard all the time, I deserve this one blow job." Ask any psychologist about how common this is. Certainly not all newly successful men fall into this trap, but it's definitely common.

It goes both ways. I've had a lot of success and am grateful for my solid moral compass. There are so many married women I see behaving like cats in heat.

Since this is anonymous...

I'm a wealthy sahm and my social circle is mostly wealthy sahms and honestly more of them are having affairs than their husbands. In fact been here 15 years and maybe have heard of 2-3 husbands cheating. I know twice that many wifes cheating right now.

YMMV

well that's a nice anecdote, but you can't universalize your experiences. Although research has varied over the years, the research shows that men and women cheat at roughly equal rates.

I think she may be on to something though. Men in that "circle" are usually ambitious workaholics focused on status and career. Women are usually bored housewives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Worse yet, is OP's husband going to be asked to do something illegal 6-18 months in once he's used to his shiny new house/car/mistress?

Been reading The Firm lately?

[Anonymous]

My DH moved from an underpaid position as an attorney working for a large insurance company to a general counsel of a small but growing hedge fund. In a few years, he had quadrupled his earnings. From a low six figure income, he now brings in several million a year after 8 years. We travel and eat out more, buy nicer cars, invest in our kids and sock a lot away. Otherwise, we haven't changed our daily lives much. He actually travels less on business and is home by 6. I don't outsource much because I don't like staff around. DH and I love our privacy and quiet family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH moved from an underpaid position as an attorney working for a large insurance company to a general counsel of a small but growing hedge fund. In a few years, he had quadrupled his earnings. From a low six figure income, he now brings in several million a year after 8 years. We travel and eat out more, buy nicer cars, invest in our kids and sock a lot away. Otherwise, we haven't changed our daily lives much. He actually travels less on business and is home by 6. I don't outsource much because I don't like staff around. DH and I love our privacy and quiet family life.

^^We also give a lot to charity and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH moved from an underpaid position as an attorney working for a large insurance company to a general counsel of a small but growing hedge fund. In a few years, he had quadrupled his earnings. From a low six figure income, he now brings in several million a year after 8 years. We travel and eat out more, buy nicer cars, invest in our kids and sock a lot away. Otherwise, we haven't changed our daily lives much. He actually travels less on business and is home by 6. I don't outsource much because I don't like staff around. DH and I love our privacy and quiet family life.

Totally different scenario. To be fair you had no idea your husband's income would increase that much in the out years. Even if you didn't know it, you were at massive risk after year one as most new hedge funds shut down if they don't hit their benchmarks. Then the principals start a new one so they can restart the clock on getting fees.

-- pp10:32

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH moved from an underpaid position as an attorney working for a large insurance company to a general counsel of a small but growing hedge fund. In a few years, he had quadrupled his earnings. From a low six figure income, he now brings in several million a year after 8 years. We travel and eat out more, buy nicer cars, invest in our kids and sock a lot away. Otherwise, we haven't changed our daily lives much. He actually travels less on business and is home by 6. I don't outsource much because I don't like staff around. DH and I love our privacy and quiet family life.

Totally different scenario. To be fair you had no idea your husband's income would increase that much in the out years. Even if you didn't know it, you were at massive risk after year one as most new hedge funds shut down if they don't hit their benchmarks. Then the principals start a new one so they can restart the clock on getting fees.

-- pp10:32

^^^ should say 'many' not 'most'

-- pp 10:32

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH moved from an underpaid position as an attorney working for a large insurance company to a general counsel of a small but growing hedge fund. In a few years, he had quadrupled his earnings. From a low six figure income, he now brings in several million a year after 8 years. We travel and eat out more, buy nicer cars, invest in our kids and sock a lot away. Otherwise, we haven't changed our daily lives much. He actually travels less on business and is home by 6. I don't outsource much because I don't like staff around. DH and I love our privacy and quiet family life.

Totally different scenario. To be fair you had no idea your husband's income would increase that much in the out years. Even if you didn't know it, you were at massive risk after year one as most new hedge funds shut down if they don't hit their benchmarks. Then the principals start a new one so they can restart the clock on getting fees.

-- pp10:32

No, we didn't know it would increase that much but DH knew that he would not be able to increase his income if he stayed put. He could have easily found a comparable position to the one he left if things didn't pan out so there was no massive risk. The key is to live under your means in order to have flexibility to make a strategic move.