SO, husband suddently transitioning to Executive role, income tripling, becoming SAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anybody have this happen?

How do you go from being 2 parents working to 1.

Does the SAH handle everything except for cleaning?

Do you have a cook?

Well... in case this is real....

We have a HHI though it didn't happen over night like you. I'm a SAHM here is my advice.

-How do you go from being 2 parents working to 1.
You are going to be doing the bulk of the day in day out parenting. Without knowing the ages of your children it is hard to give specific advice. Make sure your DH gets in parenting time in the evenings and weekends. It can be easy as a SAHM to always want to jump in or say "I'll do it" because you are used to doing it. This is not healthy for you, your children, their father or your relationship. He is missing out while you get them all to yourself - make sure he doesn't get pushed aside as a parent.

-Does the SAH handle everything except for cleaning?
You are going to be the one managing the household. Everyone does this differently but I manage our lives, our household, our staff and all the little day to day things a home needs. Don't give your DH a honey do list unless he enjoys that sort of thing. Handle it yourself.

-Do you have a cook?
No, I guess we could, but I enjoy cooking. We do eat out as a family once a week and DH and I have a date night - so there are two nights when I don't cook. Its nice to just call the caterer when entertaining if I don't feel like doing it all myself.

If you have more specific questions I'll be happy to answer. Congrats to your family on your husband's promotion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

Jealousy is a mofo.

I don't think it's that, this poster is telling the truth.

He might not be cheating yet, give it 2 years with an increase in travel and with the new Executive (note the capital E) position lots of women he works with or meets on travel or wherever will be dropping their panties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in the exact same situation. DH's income is tripling but his hours are increasing by about 50%. I quit my job when DH started his new job. It has been a few months and we are still adjusting. I have kept all our domestic help. We outsourced landscaping, some cooking, laundry and cleaning. I quit my job to spend more time with the kids, not to be doing housework.

I will admit that I don't appreciate comments about the house being a mess. We are home more and the house is more messy. DH also seems to think he gets a free pass when he is tired. I'm tired being with the kids all day. I feel annoyed at times but it is fine. I get a break when kids are in various camps.

This... does not sound like a marriage I would want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

Jealousy is a mofo.

I don't think it's that, this poster is telling the truth.

He might not be cheating yet, give it 2 years with an increase in travel and with the new Executive (note the capital E) position lots of women he works with or meets on travel or wherever will be dropping their panties.

Executive cheating with an Executive MBA in an Executive home leads to an Executive divorce !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody have this happen?

How do you go from being 2 parents working to 1.

Does the SAH handle everything except for cleaning?

Do you have a cook?

Seems really odd. Tripling? If he was a near-executive level before, he would have been making at least $250-$300K. the exec comp package includes, stock and deferred comp so cash income doesnt triple. Even all in income usually doesnt triple overnight.

I suppose moving from a government post to an executive post could give rise to this situation, but usually the type that moves from government to executive already has some previous private sector experience so the new lifestyle shouldn't be so much of a surprise.

Exactly. I'm an executive. I went from manager to director to VP to EVP and then COO. None of those moves caused a tripling of income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

I hate to say it but I have seen this time and time again. Men suddenly become more attractive to other women due to their success and are suddenly hit on when they might have been ignored in the past. This strokes their already inflating ego. Many also develop a sense of entitlement "I work so hard all the time, I deserve this one blow job." Ask any psychologist about how common this is. Certainly not all newly successful men fall into this trap, but it's definitely common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

I hate to say it but I have seen this time and time again. Men suddenly become more attractive to other women due to their success and are suddenly hit on when they might have been ignored in the past. This strokes their already inflating ego. Many also develop a sense of entitlement "I work so hard all the time, I deserve this one blow job." Ask any psychologist about how common this is. Certainly not all newly successful men fall into this trap, but it's definitely common.

It goes both ways. I've had a lot of success and am grateful for my solid moral compass. There are so many married women I see behaving like cats in heat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

I hate to say it but I have seen this time and time again. Men suddenly become more attractive to other women due to their success and are suddenly hit on when they might have been ignored in the past. This strokes their already inflating ego. Many also develop a sense of entitlement "I work so hard all the time, I deserve this one blow job." Ask any psychologist about how common this is. Certainly not all newly successful men fall into this trap, but it's definitely common.

It goes both ways. I've had a lot of success and am grateful for my solid moral compass. There are so many married women I see behaving like cats in heat.

Since this is anonymous...

I'm a wealthy sahm and my social circle is mostly wealthy sahms and honestly more of them are having affairs than their husbands. In fact been here 15 years and maybe have heard of 2-3 husbands cheating. I know twice that many wifes cheating right now.

YMMV

[Anonymous]

True.

My DH has a friend who was crushed to learn his SAH wife was screwing someone at the gym. She is such a cliche. Poor guy. He word his ass off all day to provide a nice life foe his wife and 3 little kids and she's fucking a guy that works at the gym.

[Anonymous]

No more clarification from OP?

I'm thinking maybe there has been some sort of misunderstanding here. OP thinks something big happened or it was exaggerated by her DH.

As previously pointed out, no one who was at the near exec level (VP, senior director) triples their income in one move with a promotion. It's also inconceivable anyone at that level could be as clueless as OP.

I think OP's DH worked in some sort of government, quasi-government or non-profit position (let's say Director of IT) at $100K and just took a job with some sort of shady start-up or risky venture and he was sold a bill of goods (base + bonus "target"). Given OP's lack of ability to write clearly, language and cultural issues may be part of the misunderstanding with DH at his work.

--pp 10:32

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No more clarification from OP?

I'm thinking maybe there has been some sort of misunderstanding here. OP thinks something big happened or it was exaggerated by her DH.

As previously pointed out, no one who was at the near exec level (VP, senior director) triples their income in one move with a promotion. It's also inconceivable anyone at that level could be as clueless as OP.

I think OP's DH worked in some sort of government, quasi-government or non-profit position (let's say Director of IT) at $100K and just took a job with some sort of shady start-up or risky venture and he was sold a bill of goods (base + bonus "target"). Given OP's lack of ability to write clearly, language and cultural issues may be part of the misunderstanding with DH at his work.

--pp 10:32

Maybe her DH just got rid of his mistress so he "suddenly" has triple the income coming in

[Anonymous]

Just be careful before you give everything up. This happened to my brother and his family two years ago, and it was a HUGE promotion for my brother. New company cars, three or four times his previous salary, expense accounts, etc. But my brother just got laid off last month and now they are scrambling.

It was the best job that he'd ever had. But it didn't last. So just be careful.

[Anonymous]

For those who are saying your income can't triple by becoming an executive VP with one move, you're wrong. My brother (above) moved from one company to another and became an Executive VP with sales bonuses and options, etc, and easily tripled if not more, his salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone this happened too. Next, husbands ego got huge, he started cheating with several younger women, they are now divorcing. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

I hate to say it but I have seen this time and time again. Men suddenly become more attractive to other women due to their success and are suddenly hit on when they might have been ignored in the past. This strokes their already inflating ego. Many also develop a sense of entitlement "I work so hard all the time, I deserve this one blow job." Ask any psychologist about how common this is. Certainly not all newly successful men fall into this trap, but it's definitely common.

It goes both ways. I've had a lot of success and am grateful for my solid moral compass. There are so many married women I see behaving like cats in heat.

Since this is anonymous...

I'm a wealthy sahm and my social circle is mostly wealthy sahms and honestly more of them are having affairs than their husbands. In fact been here 15 years and maybe have heard of 2-3 husbands cheating. I know twice that many wifes cheating right now.

YMMV

well that's a nice anecdote, but you can't universalize your experiences. Although research has varied over the years, the research shows that men and women cheat at roughly equal rates.

[Anonymous]

It's all very personal. Do what works for you.

Most of DCUM would flame me because I'm a SAHM who rarely cooks, usually has a housekeeper and whose exec husband does his own laundry, but it works just fine for us.