I'm lost. DD told me she was raped.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

My daughter was raped at 15 and told us at 16. I feel for you--it's so awful it's almost unbearable.

I will tell you our experience, and everyone has their own. We lived in another state, and the law there is if you see a doctor, tell a school counselor, tell a therapist, go to a rape crisis center, anything-- it gets reported to the police.

Now i understand the reason for the law. However, the ramification on the victim is that they do not report. It's like asking a kid to jump off a cliff blindfolded.

In my daughters case, she held it in for so long (and we saw NO evidence of what happened for that year) and then all of a sudden she crashed. She told us, and fell apart. She couldn't go to school, which was horrible--after several weeks rumors started to fly around her school about why she was out. Eventually things got so bad, that we picked up our whole family and moved here. Yes, we actually left the state to escape this situation.

She's 18 now and has been in and out of therapy. She definitely has lasting scars from this trauma.

Not sure I have advice except to check out state laws and know what you are in for if you tell anyone. Be prepared because things will very quickly be out of your control.

Or detective told us that in "he said she said" situations over 90 percent are not prosecuted by the DA because there's too little proof. Knowing that, putting your kid through having police involved absolutely 100 percent intensifies the amount of stress in the situation--- and I'm not advocating not reporting it, I'm just warning you to be prepared for that.

I hope you and your daughter find peace.

[Anonymous]

Why are kids these ages alone with boys to get raped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you pressed charges yet? Because the first thing you do is let your kid know this is not acceptable, she is not at fault and he will be prosecuted.

I feel for OP. I have a DD, and I'd be livid/sad if this happened to her.

But, how do you know the boy would be prosecuted? It's been a year. It's now a he said/she said scenario. These things are hard to prove after so much time has passed, and there's no physical or corroborating testimony.

I also have a DS. If someone accused my DS of rape, and my DS denies it was rape, then as his parent, I would believe my DS, just as OP believes her DD. False rape accusations can ruin a person's life, so the law shouldn't presume a boy is guilty.

I'm not saying OP's DD shouldn't press charges. I'm saying it will be very difficult to prove or prosecute.

So what? You don't just let him get away with it. And I would never believe my DS over a vulnerable girl. YOU are part of the problem of why rape is still happening. Hush hush

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all of the kind words. My daughter's doctor appt is in the morning. I'm nervous now and will need to see if MD is a mandatory reporting state because, until DD is ready to come forward with more information, I don't want this to be an issue of force. I will speak with DD in the morning and let her know that it's a possibility that her doctor's appt will involve the police and go from there.

For those asking if I believe DD: Absolutely, 100%. I will always believe my children when it comes to issues like this. If it turns out not to be true, that's her burden to carry. But I will always believe and support my children when it comes to any sort of sexual abuse claim.

[Anonymous]

Has she seen a therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are kids these ages alone with boys to get raped?

You have strange ideas about teenagers, and about rape.

Rape can happen in your own family room, while two teenagers are watching The Duggars, and you are in the kitchen preparing them a wholesome snack.

Rape can happen in the stairwell of your very nice upscale high school.

Rape can happen in the backseat of your car, while you are driving them home from The Prom, or in their limo which you paid for.

It can happen at the pool.

It can happen walking home from the library.

I'm not trying to scare you into locking up your daughter. Far from it. But I think the notion that this girl was somehow left alone, or allowed to be out with boys in some dangerous fashion, is ludicrous. Rape happens everywhere, including your own bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are kids these ages alone with boys to get raped?

You have strange ideas about teenagers, and about rape.

Rape can happen in your own family room, while two teenagers are watching The Duggars, and you are in the kitchen preparing them a wholesome snack.

Rape can happen in the stairwell of your very nice upscale high school.

Rape can happen in the backseat of your car, while you are driving them home from The Prom, or in their limo which you paid for.

It can happen at the pool.

It can happen walking home from the library.

I'm not trying to scare you into locking up your daughter. Far from it. But I think the notion that this girl was somehow left alone, or allowed to be out with boys in some dangerous fashion, is ludicrous. Rape happens everywhere, including your own bedroom.

If your daughter's boyfriend could rape her while you're driving them, there's something horribly wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know the friend and/or the parents where this happened? I can't even imagine what this friend might have been doing while this was happening.

OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am still curious about her reaction to starting therapy...?

Op, have you received any professional advice, at least from a rape hotline or something?

Anyone know if Maryland has a mandated reporting policy? Even if it does, if you use Planned Parenthood, they won't report anything to the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the kind words. My daughter's doctor appt is in the morning. I'm nervous now and will need to see if MD is a mandatory reporting state because, until DD is ready to come forward with more information, I don't want this to be an issue of force. I will speak with DD in the morning and let her know that it's a possibility that her doctor's appt will involve the police and go from there.

For those asking if I believe DD: Absolutely, 100%. I will always believe my children when it comes to issues like this. If it turns out not to be true, that's her burden to carry. But I will always believe and support my children when it comes to any sort of sexual abuse claim.

I'm so sorry that someone did such a terrible thing to your daughter, and it's great that you are being so supportive. It sounds from the other thread like you and your daughter had a really tough year before she disclosed the rape. It sounds like you were quite negative and frustrated about her poor academic performance. I think in this coming year it will be really important for the two of you to restore your relationship-maybe through family counseling. She needs to know that you love her unconditionally-no matter what has happened to her, and even if she is not successful academically. I hope that now that she has come forward she will be able to heal and find success in other parts of her life, including school, but she needs to know that your love isn't dependent on her achievement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are kids these ages alone with boys to get raped?

More importantly, why are these boys raping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are kids these ages alone with boys to get raped?

You have strange ideas about teenagers, and about rape.

Rape can happen in your own family room, while two teenagers are watching The Duggars, and you are in the kitchen preparing them a wholesome snack.

Rape can happen in the stairwell of your very nice upscale high school.

Rape can happen in the backseat of your car, while you are driving them home from The Prom, or in their limo which you paid for.

It can happen at the pool.

It can happen walking home from the library.

I'm not trying to scare you into locking up your daughter. Far from it. But I think the notion that this girl was somehow left alone, or allowed to be out with boys in some dangerous fashion, is ludicrous. Rape happens everywhere, including your own bedroom.

If your daughter's boyfriend could rape her while you're driving them, there's something horribly wrong with you.

No, there's something horribly wrong with your perception that rape always involves violence, screaming, kicking, and a gun to someone's head. Sexual acts happen very quickly among teenagers, and boundaries cross the line very rapidly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are kids these ages alone with boys to get raped?

You have strange ideas about teenagers, and about rape.

Rape can happen in your own family room, while two teenagers are watching The Duggars, and you are in the kitchen preparing them a wholesome snack.

Rape can happen in the stairwell of your very nice upscale high school.

Rape can happen in the backseat of your car, while you are driving them home from The Prom, or in their limo which you paid for.

It can happen at the pool.

It can happen walking home from the library.

I'm not trying to scare you into locking up your daughter. Far from it. But I think the notion that this girl was somehow left alone, or allowed to be out with boys in some dangerous fashion, is ludicrous. Rape happens everywhere, including your own bedroom.

If your daughter's boyfriend could rape her while you're driving them, there's something horribly wrong with you.

No, there's something horribly wrong with your perception that rape always involves violence, screaming, kicking, and a gun to someone's head. Sexual acts happen very quickly among teenagers, and boundaries cross the line very rapidly.

Just stop. I didn't say "always" anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are kids these ages alone with boys to get raped?

More importantly, why are these boys raping?

Entitlement. Haven't we heard that before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take care of yourself too. You might need a little therapy, to give you strategies to help you deal with this.

+1. So very very sorry. Am praying for you and your daughter.